Today sucks. Here are self-care techniques you can use to get through it, say therapists
OK, so the worst has happened. If, like me, you woke up in a mix of existential panic and grief, you’re not alone. This is scary and it’s natural and OK to feel this way.
What we do next is a big, complicated question, but one thing is certain: We can’t face the fight ahead if we’re not taking care of ourselves, our hearts, and our mental health. So that is step one! Right now is the moment for self-care and self-soothing so that we can be in any shape to face what’s ahead.
To help with that, PRIDE reached out to the experts: Maria Rodriguez, a queer nonbinary Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Dana Prince, PhD, MPH, and Whitney Coleman, LICSW, LCSW-C, for their advice on how to best take care of ourselves right now, and what techniques we can use to address our fear and sadness head on today, this week, and beyond.
First and foremost, they all affirm that what you’re feeling right now is totally valid. “It’s completely understandable for queer and trans individuals to feel anxious about the future, especially when leadership is openly homophobic,” Coleman tells PRIDE.
“This sucks,” Rodriguez agrees, explaining the importance of what we’re feeling right now as we move forward. “It’s important to feel it and grieve in order to build strength for the future.”
That being said, acute anxiety is not something anyone should have to suffer — so how do you start taking care of yourself right away?
Self-care techniques to employ today.
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All that pent-up pain and anxiety in your body? Rodriguez says to let it all out. ”Release your emotions physically, literally let it out. Scream into a pillow, punch pillows, throw rolled-up socks at the wall, cry, rock, shake, dance it out — do whatever helps release that energy from your body,” they say.
For more immediate relief, they suggest interrupting your feelings of anxiety and panic with temperature changes. “Hold something cold like an ice pack to your chest, or splash cold water on your face. Try following up with something warm — drink a warm beverage, use a heating pad, or take a warm shower.”
And give yourself a break — don’t try and do it all, not today. “Focus on the basics,” Rodriguez suggests. “Eat something, even if it’s small, even if it’s candy, get some rest, and do the bare minimum to care for yourself today. Tell your loved ones what they mean to you. Give your animal extra pets or treats.”
Speaking of loved ones, Prince tells PRIDE now is the moment to lean on them. “Reaching out to your safe people, chosen family, and friends is one way to take care of yourself,” she explains, adding that making use of community resources is also a helpful way to surround yourself with positivity. “If you have a local LGBTQ+ Center that you can go to in person, being in a supportive environment is another good choice. Research shows that connection is vital for our mental health, and now it is especially critical to connect,” says Prince.
Maybe you’re not really up for a lot of interaction and that’s OK, too. “Try something creative,” suggests Rodriguez. “Scribble on a piece of paper, make messy art or do anything that helps you express your emotions. Revisit old hobbies, play music poorly, even if it’s just for five minutes. See how present you can be and allow yourself to feel whatever comes up.”
How to administer self-care in the coming week.
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If connecting with your community felt overwhelming in the immediate aftermath of the election, that’s OK, but in the coming days surrounding yourself with loved ones is a good distraction and can be affirming when you need it most. “This week, plan to connect with others. Whether it’s a quick check-in call or joining a supportive group chat or discord, taking time to connect with your community can help reduce feelings of isolation,” explains Rodriguez
Prince agrees that now is a time to connect with your people and lean on them — and allow them to lean on you as well. Adding to that, she suggests avoiding social media and focusing on being present in your body. “Move your body — simple stretches, or a walk outside. Connect to nature if that is something that resonates with you,” she says.
Also, remember there’s help out there should you need it. “If you have access to affirming mental health care, you may want to schedule some additional sessions with your provider. If not, look locally for LGBTQ+ safe spaces to gather. Many places will be holding drop-in hours or sessions for additional support. Consider joining a support group for transgender and gender diverse individuals, either at a local LGBT Center or through an online platform,” says Prince.
Taking action is also an effective way to ward off anxiety and feel empowered. “Find ways to give back,” suggests Rodriguez. “Look for local organizations that could use your help. Consider supporting homeless folks in your community or participating in harm reduction work. Check out local libraries.”
What can you do to take care of yourself in the long-term?
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It’s important to remember that this is a marathon, not a sprint, and when it comes to taking care of yourself and your emotional well-being it’s a worthy lifelong endeavor.
“Establish a routine that feels good — whether it’s moving your body, getting creative, or just surviving,” says Rodriguez. “Focus on community care by finding sustainable ways to get involved in mutual aid or support local initiatives. Community gives us strength, and being part of something larger can help build resilience.”
Prince agrees that advocacy and activism can be helpful, improve mental health, and lessen the impact of discrimination. “Connect to the rich and powerful history of queer and transgender resistance — we are here because of our ancestors — and we will always be here. Lean into the power of queer and trans joy. We have so much beauty and powerful vision to share with one another and the world.”
And, of course, the experts suggest seeking out mental health professionals to help support you as needed.
OK but what if none of this is helping?
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So yeah, those mental health professionals I just mentioned. If you’re still struggling, now is definitely the time to connect with one, says Coleman, because they can “provide tools and insights that go beyond self-care,” she explains.
She also suggests giving yourself wins. “Set up small, achievable goals,” suggests Coleman. “If long-term self-care practices feel out of reach because they often are at first, take baby steps and set small, manageable goals. The goal is to get there, not to get there immediately.”
And finally, community is often the best answer. So find and connect with your support networks. “Look for communities or organizations that offer support specifically for LGBTQ+ individuals who are facing similar challenges. Being in a community can be validating and help you feel less alone.”
Resources to help get you started.
Even though it may not feel like it right now, we really are all in this together. You are NOT alone. If you feel that way, here are some resources to help you get started on finding your network of support.
Experts cited
Maria Rodriguez (they/she) is a queer nonbinary Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in working with LGBTQIA+ teens and adults. Ivy Roots Psychotherapy.
Dana Prince, PhD, MPH is an Associate Professor at the Mandel School of Applied Social Sciences at Case Western Reserve University
Whitney Coleman, LICSW, LCSW-C (she/her) is the founder and CEO of Jade Clinical Services.
