How to throw a woke stag do
Nothing tests the human spirit like the Great British stag do. The beer, the banter — and the nagging feeling that you are doing irreversible damage to the planet one Jäger-fuelled air mile at a time (try printing that on 20 novelty T-shirts).
Research by Hubbub, reported in The Times last week, found that 49 per cent of all flights taken by men aged 20 to 45 last year were for stag dos. That’s a hefty carbon footprint to contend with. More conservative data crunchers suggest it’s closer to 30 per cent — but that’s still a hell of a lot.
It is the latest woke-up call to the knuckle-dragging Ur-stag. Your stag-weekend carbon footprint is bigger than the hole it burns in your wallet — and there are about to be a lot of these weekends. For we are in the throes of stag-planning season, as late spring and early summer trips start to edge into the horizon. The flights to Amsterdam (“You don’t have to see red to get the most out of this amazing city,” winks one package website) have been listed, and the first WhatsApp group fellowships are being formed (“Ball and chain got him at last 2K20!!!” trumpets your phone). The David Guetta tickets have already been secured.
And it’s not just ’Dam — Barcelona, Benidorm, Ibiza, Dublin, Paris, Berlin and Prague are the UK’s other party capitals making for dirty, carbon-heavy weekends. But times are a-changing. Ibiza and Magaluf are now — with good reason — heavily restricting bar crawls, happy hours and inclusive drink packages. Overseas hotels will actively turn away large same-sex groups in family season (July to September), when many refuse to accept hen or stag groups.
Time for a rethink? Rejoice — you can have a blowout without the eco-anxiety and existential guilt. The banter bus is revving up its new electric engines. This is your guide to having a modern, progressive(ish) stag do.
Nature calls
Can you put a price on your friendship with best mate Gareth? Yes, it is the kidney you are going to have to sell to fund this weekend in Budapest. Heavy is the head that costs up a stag-do season (weekend after weekend) in advance. The average cost of a UK stag do is £159, versus £225 (excluding flights) for one overseas. So, it’s not just your green conscience that whispers sweet somethings (probably in a Swedish accent) about alternatives to flying.
“Environmental awareness is a growing concern among clients,” says Rob Reaks, head of sales at Red7, which offers bespoke travel and party packages. “But for the moment they’re more interested in what provides more bang for their buck,” he adds. The “switch sell” — convincing stag parties to stay in the UK rather than travel abroad — is sweetened by the lure of “higher-cost adventurous activities”, says Reaks. Coasteering, back-to-nature foraging, quad biking, shooting and abseiling packages have all surged in popularity.
Alternatively, take the train. Instead of cramming your thimbleful of permitted luggage on a last-minute Ryanair flight to the capital of Estonia, glide into Europe on the Eurostar (no liquid restrictions, so tinnies for all). Or try a cargo ship, which is carbon-frugal per passenger. Plus, international waters baby! However, this requires stacks of paperwork and, um, it takes a while to get anywhere. Stag year, anyone?
You’ve got males
The era of stag versus hen is over. Arise, the mixed-party “Sten”. This thoroughly modern milieu is vastly superior: an equal-opportunities lash-up. Some travel brokers, such as StagWeb, report a huge bounce in the number of Sten-do bookings. Red7 saw a 200 per cent rise in two years. The modern millennial is far more comfortable with cross-gender friendships, while a taste for quality travel is driving the move away from the single-sex bender.
Plus, pooling resources from two separate blowouts into one means you can afford twice the fun. That Scottish castle with the loch will be infinitely better than getting lost on your way to a “totty tour” of Dubrovnik.
Zero-wasted
Down with all the plastic tat. Specifically, the blow-up sex dolls (please, please, for the love of us all — down with those). Down also with the matching hoodies presumably made in highly dubious conditions in an Asian factory, which you will never wear again after the weekend. Down with the single-use plastic banners, and the bunting, and the novelty confetti. Down with the massive balloons. You have watched Blue Planet. You have also watched Blue Planet II. Your inner monologue, as you clutch a plastic cup filled with a Jägerbomb at 2am in Hull, is: what will Sir David think?
Repurpose that weekday KeepCup and bring it along for the ride. Why not get commemorative KeepCups made for the whole gang? They make excellent goblets for swigging beer. Use a Platypus canteen to carry sambuca for the road.
If you have to make novelty T-shirts — “Last fling before the ring!” — make sure they are made from organic cotton. But you still won’t wear them again, so don’t order them.
Green antlers
Get really green. Retool your arsenal of drinking games to make them slightly more eco-attuned. Drink every time David Attenborough says “Life finds a way” on Planet Earth. Pin the pigtails on the Greta Thunberg. Rent a fleet of Teslas (and drivers) to take you from venue to venue. Hit the club dressed as your favourite type of endangered sea life, then drink like a school of fish.
Or combine your stag weekend with a Youth Strike 4 Climate and spend the small hours making novelty placards. Fewer penises, more puns.
Have a Bacchanalian revel in a forest (but bring a bag for recycling). Steer clear of the sad stuff: shots every time a football pitch of rainforest is destroyed by deforestation would a) have people very drunk indeed in 10 minutes, and b) have people very miserable indeed in 10 minutes.
