There's A Sneaky Way Your Holiday Plans May Be Causing You More Stress
Unless you’re a little kid, holiday stress is pretty much guaranteed this time of year. When your evenings seem less like a silent night and more like the frenzied opening scenes of ”Home Alone,” you know the holiday season has arrived.
But what happens after you’ve trimmed the tree, baked the goodies and bought the presents? Many people understandably schedule some downtime for their holiday break, without realizing that a sudden dip in activity and structure can actually make their stress levels worse.
Experts say that if you schedule your time off in a way that doesn’t offer enough stimulation, like setting aside entire “rest days” or huge chunks of time to “do nothing,” it could end up increasing your stress, especially if you have anxiety, ADHD, obsessive-compulsive disorder or another neurodivergent condition. It sounds counterintuitive ― you wouldn’t expect relaxing to cause more tension ― but the Anxiety and Depression Association of America warns that being idle or bored for an extended period of time during the holiday break can intensify symptoms of anxiety and trigger other conditions. Which is obviously the last thing we need during an already stressful time.
Here’s why, and what you can do about it:
Humans crave structure.
Christmas cookies aren’t the only thing we want this time of year. We also crave “stimulation and structure,” according to Maria Rheba Estante, a psychotherapist at Open Mind Health.
“An empty calendar can feel surprisingly overwhelming,” Estante said. “The sudden abundance of unstructured time presents too many choices without the framework of deadlines or obligations to guide decision-making.” And this can “leave people feeling more stressed than when they were busy.”
Mental health conditions may exacerbate this.
It seems wild that less activity could cause more stress, but Racheal Turner, a licensed professional counselor based in Phoenix, sees it firsthand in her practice.
“When the structure of our daily routines disappears during a holiday break, it can feel unsettling — especially if you’re someone who struggles with anxiety, ADHD or OCD,” she said. This is partly because our regular routines create predictability in our lives, according to Turner, “so when it’s gone, it’s easy to feel unanchored and overwhelmed.”
Because people with ADHD “thrive on a balance of stimulation,” experiencing prolonged understimulation can create uncomfortable experiences, like a wandering mind, feelings of restlessness, and overwhelming thoughts, according to Charissa Chamorro, a clinical psychologist and clinical assistant professor at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai.
“It can feel like the mind is pinging around with nowhere to direct its energy,” she said. Just try enjoying a holiday movie when your brain is going a million miles an hour — it’s not easy.
If you have OCD or anxiety, you may feel an increase in anxious or intrusive thoughts. “Generally, when the brain is not engaged, it can turn inward and this can amplify anxious or stressful thoughts,” Chamorro said. “Adequate stimulation, whether it’s social, cognitive or physical, can help the brain stay regulated and anchored.”
Unplanned downtime can also affect dopamine production.
Too much unplanned downtime may negatively affect the way your brain handles dopamine, aka the feel-good hormone.
“A lack of stimulation disrupts the dopamine reward system, which plays a big role in motivation and focus,” Turner said. “Without enough dopamine, you might feel bored, restless or even more anxious.”
Then, your brain will work harder to fill the dopamine gap. “For individuals with ADHD, this can show up as restlessness, impulsivity or trouble concentrating since their brains are wired to constantly seek stimulation to maintain balance,” Turner said. “For those with OCD, low stimulation can leave the brain more vulnerable to intrusive thoughts or compulsive behaviors as it tries to create a sense of control or relief.”
“The resulting anxiety or stress isn’t just about feeling bored — it’s the brain’s attempt to manage the discomfort caused by low dopamine levels,” she added. (Let this also be a reminder that these thoughts and compulsions are never your fault; it’s just your brain’s way of processing things.)
So... are you just supposed to stay busy during your time off?
The short answer: Of course not. Finding ways to stay busy (physically, mentally and socially) can help, but Estante emphasizes the importance of balance.
“The goal isn’t to fill every moment with activity but to find a balanced approach that provides both the stimulation your brain needs and the restoration your body craves,” she said.
Try combining activities to help maintain healthy stimulation levels ― for example, watching your favorite holiday movie while you wrap presents, or inviting friends over for a baking session, or doing a festive puzzle while you talk on the phone.
“The key is maintaining engagement while connecting with meaningful activities and relationships,” Estante said.
And even when you’re in vacation mode, try to stick to some of your regular routines to help regulate yourself. Get up at the same time you normally do, keep up with some easy rituals like morning coffee or daily meditation, and find time to get outside for at least a few minutes. All of this can help “bring a sense of normalcy and grounding” to your holidays, Turner said.
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself either way.
“The pressure to ‘fully relax’ or ‘make the most of your break’ can create even more stress if you’re struggling to do that,” Turner explained. (It’s like living in one of those memes: “Did you get anything done?” “No.” “But did you at least relax and enjoy your break?” “Also no!”)
Failing to meet this arbitrary standard can make us feel guilty and — you guessed it! — increase stress even more. “A more effective approach involves reframing relaxation through the lens of personal values, a concept borrowed from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy,” Estante said. “Instead of forcing yourself to relax, consider what activities align with your core values and what goals those values serve.”
So, if relaxing means reading or cleaning or hiking or visiting friends, then do it. The most important part about time off is giving your body what it needs for restoration.
“Relaxation looks different for everyone — it doesn’t have to mean doing absolutely nothing,” Turner said. “Give yourself permission to relax in a way that feels good to you, whether that’s journaling, taking a walk, or doing something creative.”
Focus on what will restore your mind and body. If lying on the couch all day isn’t it, then skip it. “Reframe rest as a way to recharge so you can show up better in other areas of your life, and practice self-compassion,” Turner said, suggesting that managing your expectations can help too. “It’s OK if your break isn’t perfectly restful or productive — it’s about finding a pace that works for you.”
“Remember to view self-care not as an indulgence but as essential maintenance — like recharging a battery,” Estante noted. “Without this intentional approach to recharging, you risk burnout that could impact your ability to engage in any activities, whether productive or relaxing.”
Let’s normalize filling our cups with what actually benefits us this holiday season, rather than what we think we should do. Whether that means staying booked and busy during your days off or relaxing in a more intentional way, your brain will be much happier when it finds the right balance for you.
