The six 'green flags' that prove your date's a keeper

·6-min read
Piggyback Ride. Cheerful Black Boyfriend Piggybacking His Happy Girlfriend, Couple Fooling Together Over Yellow Background In Studio, Free space
This looks like it's going well. (Getty Images)

Everyone knows about dating red flags - those little warning signs that a potential partner is mean, controlling or even abusive. But we hear a lot less about the green flags - even though they're exactly what we should be looking out for at the start of a relationship.

Green flags are the indicators in someone's behaviour and words that say 'go ahead!', and reassure us that we're at the start of a good thing.

Ness Cooper a relationship expert at The Sex Consultant says: "We focus a lot on telling people to look out for red flags but regularly forget about green flags.

"Green flags are positive signs that the relationship is consensual, safe and has possibilities for both to grow individually as well as together.

"Green flags aren’t to be mistaken for making the relationship perfect, or feeling happiness 100% of the time, as no relationship is perfect - but a green flag can simply mean that you’re able to both work through any problems that do arise, together."

Watch: Succession star Sarah Snook opens up about falling in love with her 'best friend' during lockdown

With 'cuffing season' in full swing and restrictions set aside for now, it's time to get out there, after what for many has been an enforced year (or more) or singledom. So if your radar is rusty and you're not sure if their grumpy expression is a red flag or indigestion, Lenstore has come up with a list of what you should be looking out for instead.

Read more: The five things you should never say on a dating app

Ness adds ‘When you go on a first date it’s easy to look out for more red flags than green flags, because you’re nervous. But i’s important to look out for both as it can help you make a solid judgement on whether you feel comfortable seeing them again.

"When we go on a date and just focus on red flags, we may have already decided to end it straight away rather than giving it a chance to go further."

Instead, here's the green flags that matter- and why.

1 They're present in the moment

Mid adult woman looking at man in yard. Female is smiling while communicating with male. They are wearing casuals in backyard.
"I'm here. Are you here?" (Getty Images)

If they arrive full of convoluted excuses, constantly break off to answer messages or check Insta, and talk only about what they're doing later, or what they did earlier, they're not present.

But if they take time to greet you properly, ignore their phone, and engage with what's happening right now, from complimenting your outfit to discussing menu choices, they're happy to be with you, and focussing all their energy on the time you have together.

"Being present in the moment is important and if they‘ve taken the time to put their phone down and pay attention to you this can be a sign that they are really into you," says Cooper.

2 They're really listening

An elderly couople smiling and drinking at a family barbecue in a courtyard.
"So how did you feel when the elephant walked in?" (Getty Images)

Are they focussing on what you're saying and responding appropriately, encouraging you to explore your story further, or asking the right questions ('how did you feel?' 'Then what happened?') If so, they're a great listener.

"They're not just listening, but actively listening and responding with empathy," explains Cooper. "You’ll find when someone is really listening, the conversation feels natural and flows."

If they seem to be waiting for you to draw breath so they can jump in with their anecdote, or irritably flapping their hand at the waiter, however, be wary.

3 They make eye contact, often

Woman looking at man, both smiling, outside
"Look into my eyes. Not around the eyes..." (Getty Images)

Not the creepy, intense-staring kind, but regular connection and shared glances as you talk. Eye contact shows they're attracted to you, happy to be with you, and not so cripplingly shy they can't drag their gaze from the table.

"Good eye contact can mean you’re feeling safe in each other’s company," says Cooper, "plus the added bonus is you’ll both be sharing moments that help produce bonding chemicals and strengthen any future relationship you form."

4 They're happy to compromise

Real People
"The funny thing is, I absolutely hate that restaurant." (Getty Images)

If they're happy to let you choose the film, but make suggestions for where you might eat, or ask your opinion on the pub where you're meeting, it's a great sign. Too rigid - "the film starts at 8, so I've booked my favourite restaurant at 6.45" or too willing to let you take the lead - "I don't mind" isn't always a great sign - and it could be an issue.

In discussion, too, obvious willingness to disagree without defensiveness is a green flag right there. "It’s positive when you both can see that differences don’t matter and you can work through them even early on," says Cooper.

5 They compliment you

Cropped shot of an affectionate young woman smiling while spending time with her husband indoors at home
"I love your glasses! They're exactly like mine." (Getty Images)

Read more: Online daters can tell if they have a connection in just 30 seconds, research reveals

There's a fine line - noticing and appreciating you is lovely, but when it veers into 'I'd like to see what you're wearing underneath' it can be uncomfortably sleazy.

The key is to notice whether the compliment is about you or them. It doesn't have to be about looks either- a true compliment can simply be someone taking the time to notice something positive about you, and mentioning it.

"You're very kind to your friends" is just as encouraging - and a sign of deeper connection- as "I love your hair."

6 They make you laugh

Happy friends holding each other
"You're so funny!" "No, you're so funny!" (Getty Images)

And not just with mean asides about fellow diners or how awful their dad is. Laughing at your jokes too is a green flag - if they're maintaining a barrage of jokes, its more of a sign that they're nervous, and/or desperate to be the centre of attention.

But sharing jokes, wit and relaxed humour - rather than prickly 'banter'- is a great sign.

"If you’re able to laugh together this can be a sign that you’re both very comfortable with each other," agrees Cooper.

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