Vets Say This Seemingly Harmless Way You Show Your Dog Affection Is Actually Pissing Them Off
If you have a dog, you’re probably well aware that nothing beats a good cuddle. Snuggling up to your pooch can boost your well-being, reduce your stress levels and even lower your blood pressure. And your dog gets just as much, if not more, out of it. Cuddling with their humans makes them feel safe and secure, strengthens their bond with you, and improves their mood.
That is, as long as you don’t sneak up on them when they’re dreaming about treats and squirrels.
Even though it can be tempting to cuddle your dog when they’re snoozing on your couch, approaching them when they’re asleep or off-guard can startle and upset them.
“They hate it! It’s not fair,” said Margaret M. Duxbury, a board-certified veterinary behaviorist based in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Her advice: “If possible, let a sleeping dog lie.”
Nicole Skeehan, a dog trainer and owner of Philly Unleashed, recommended thinking about how you might react if someone encroached on your space when you were, say, napping or trying to focus on work. You might, understandably, be taken aback or even irritated.
“If we can understand this reaction in human terms, why are we surprised when our dogs react the same way?” she said.
Dogs can similarly become surprised or agitated when we sneak up on them, especially when they’re asleep, playing with their toys or enjoying a snack. Some dogs may growl or snap, whereas others may scoot away or, in severe cases, hide and shiver, explained Valli Parthasarathy, a veterinary behavior specialist and co-founder of Synergy Veterinary Behavior in Portland, Oregon. Certain pups may merely give you a hard stare or continue sleeping peacefully — but that still doesn’t mean they enjoy a surprise pet.
“These behaviors are how dogs communicate their need for space, yet many people struggle to accept or respect those signals,” Skeehan said.
Keep in mind, every dog will react differently.
There are a handful of factors that can impact how your dog will react. For example, your dog’s early life experiences can hugely impact what your dog finds scary or anxiety-inducing. Dogs that were abused or weren’t well-socialized as puppies may react more negatively as both of these things influence what a dog finds threatening or scary.
Your dog’s personality also plays a role. “A dog of any breed might be outgoing or reserved, touch-loving or touch-averse, expressive or stoic — and these traits influence how they react when uncomfortable,” Skeehan said.
Their comfort level in both you and the environment they’re in have an effect, too, Parthasarathy said. Dogs are often more tolerant and give more grace to people they trust. For example, a dog may barely react if their trusted owner crosses a boundary, Skeehan explained, but they may have a stronger response if a stranger crosses that same boundary.
Finally, the dog’s health can influence their response. “A dog with arthritis in the hips may be more sensitive to being touched in that area,” Parthasarathy said.
Here’s the best way to approach — and pet — your dog.
According to Duxbury, many dogs want to be petted or cuddled, but they want a say for how long and by whom. In general, you don’t want to assume your dog always wants to be touched. And it’s best to invite them into your space and not force a cuddle on them. “This lets them decide whether they’re in the mood for interaction,” Skeehan advised.
When approaching dogs, Parthasarathy likes to first make sure they are aware that she’s present. So, walks up to them from a position where they can see her. Duxbury said you want to avoid waking up your pup by touching them. And don’t bend over your dog or loom on top of them either, she added, as this can make them feel threatened or unsafe.
A better way to initiate an interaction is to call their name or crinkle a treat bag or toy to awaken them, Duxbury said. If your dog is deaf, you can place a smelly treat near their nose. Then give them some time to get up and get reoriented with their surroundings. Then, let them approach you.
Most dogs prefer to get scratched on their chest, shoulders, back and under their neck as opposed to the top of their head. So, start by giving them a few tickles then see how they react. If they want more, they’ll move in closer or paw or nudge your hand, Duxbury said. But if the dog moves away, avoids your hand or acts aggressively, they’re letting you know they do not want more touches.
Paying attention to and respecting your dog’s body language and behavioral cues can build long-term trust and mutual understanding.
“It’s amazing how much closer our relationships become when dogs have this open line of reciprocal communication,” Duxbury said.
