Stephen Colbert on Trump’s tech bro buddies: ‘the guys that Biden warned us about’
Late-night hosts reviewed Joe Biden’s final speech as he makes way for Donald Trump’s second term as president.
Stephen Colbert
On the Late Show, Stephen Colbert said that tonight would represent the “end of an era” as “this is our last show of the Biden administration”.
Biden’s farewell speech warned of the growing “tech-industrial complex” yet Colbert joked that “delivering it in your trademark low-power mode whisper ramble robbed it of an essential urgency”.
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At Trump’s upcoming inauguration, Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos and Mark Zuckerberg will be sitting up front alongside politicians. “Sweet Jesus in a skybox, that is the most corrupt-appearing thing I’ve ever heard,” he said.
He added: “If we’re gonna go full Roman empire, at least throw Denzel Washington in there.”
He referred to the three of them as “pasty money buckets” and said that with Amazon “sucking up to Trump” he might “consider not needing same-day shipping now”.
He continued: “These are the guys that Biden warned us about.”
Colbert then showed viewers the two portraits that had been taken of Trump and his vice-president, JD Vance. While displaying Vance’s picture, he joked: “I love how that blue tie brings out the colour of his dead soul.”
Jimmy Kimmel
On Jimmy Kimmel Live! the host also spoke about Biden’s speech remarking that at 18 minutes long, it’s “also the amount of time it takes the president to pee”.
He said that it was “more like a stern talking to than a speech” with the outgoing president warning of threats to democracy. “Basically his message was, I’m getting the hell out of here and you should too,” he said.
Fox News hosts decided to focus on the fact that Biden was sitting on a pillow the whole time which led Kimmel to wonder who they will spend their time attacking once he is gone. “I guess it’s back to the gay M&Ms,” he said.
This week also saw Trump appoint three Hollywood ambassadors: Mel Gibson, Jon Voight and Sylvester Stallone, AKA “Braveheart, Rambo and the Midnight Cowboy”.
“He’s summoned the three horsemen of the Apocalypto,” Kimmel said, adding that the reason must be that “Trump saw The Expendables 3 on his plane last night”.
Trump has said that the three men will be his eyes and ears in Los Angeles. “Who better to be Trump’s eyes and ears than 86-year-old Jon Voight?” Kimmel asked.
He also joked: “Kevin Sorbo must be devastated that he wasn’t included.”
Seth Meyers
On Late Night, Seth Meyers looked toward the inauguration and said that “everyone is just going to get along” despite an “existential threat to democracy” looking back at the recent funeral of Jimmy Carter where figures like Barack Obama were seen “palling around” with Trump.
Meyers joked that because “everyone other than Donald Trump believes in the institutions and traditions of this country” things will go smoothly,
He also took aim at Biden’s cautionary speech about the country turning into an oligarchy. “Now you’re warning us?” he said, adding: “It’s not like we didn’t have a hint that any of this was happening.”
He then played clips of Bernie Sanders who has been warning us about the dangers of an oligarchy dating back to 1993. “Joe Biden is three decades behind Bernie Sanders,” Meyers said.
He also joked: “It’s hard to tell because Bernie looks the exact same.”
Meyers stressed that many of Biden’s warnings should have been brought up by the Democrats “during the campaign” and that Biden waited until his “last day at work to stuff the suggestion box”.
He then asked: “Why are you giving us a to-do list on your way out?”
“Oligarchy isn’t just taking shape, it’s here,” he said.
