Seth Meyers on Pete Hegseth’s confirmation hearing: ‘A test to see how loyal Republicans will be’
Late-night hosts talk Donald Trump’s inauguration guests and Pete Hegseth’s contentious Senate confirmation hearing for secretary of defense.
Seth Meyers
On Wednesday evening, Seth Meyers recapped a tough day on Capitol Hill for Trump’s secretary of defense nominee, Pete Hegseth – the former Fox & Friends Weekend host many have dismissed as unqualified – who once, as the Late Night host recalled, accidentally threw an axe at passersby in Manhattan.
“Unless four Republican senators vote against him, which they almost certainly won’t, that guy will lead the most powerful military in the world – a military that will hopefully institute a policy for their own safety called Don’t Axe, Don’t Tell,” Meyers quipped.
“The same Maga movement that claims to be anti-war is very much pro-Hegseth,” he noted, even as Hegseth refused to say that he would not work for the defense industry after he leaves the Pentagon, despite barring generals from doing the same.
“Hegseth’s rule is that generals should not be able to work for the defense industry, but he should be able to cash in immediately when he wants to,” said Meyers, “although he might have some trouble getting a corporate job given his prior management record”.
Hegseth was reportedly removed from two separate veterans’ groups over reports of excessive drinking, sexual harassment and financial misconduct. Those issues are not long in the past; as recently as spring 2023, Hegseth allegedly ordered three gin and tonics at a weekday breakfast meeting with an acquaintance in Manhattan. “Three gin and tonics for breakfast on a workday?! Even my mother waits for Saturday to have that much breakfast gin,” Meyers marveled.
During the hearing, Hegseth repeatedly dismissed the reports as “anonymous smears”.
“Well, at least we know he’s sober for this, because ‘anonymous smears’ is very hard to say when you’re drunk,” Meyers joked.
“Also, they were yes or no questions. You can’t just keep saying ‘anonymous smears’, especially since some of those smears were not smears and were not anonymous,” Meyers noted.
Jokes aside, “Hegseth is deeply unqualified,” Meyers concluded. “But his nomination is a test to see how loyal Republicans will be.”
Jimmy Kimmel
In Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel looked ahead to Trump’s inauguration, which will feature full-staff flags, despite the customary monthlong mourning period for a former president (Jimmy Carter died on 29 December at the age of 100).
Nevertheless, the speaker of the House, Mike Johnson, declared all US flags at the Capitol will fly at full staff on inauguration day, “which might be the most Donald Trump-y thing Donald Trump has ever done, to be mad that a guy who just died is getting all the attention”, Kimmel laughed.
In the past week, Trump has proposed several “bigly” ideas: buying Greenland, taking Greenland, co-opting Canada, reclaiming the Panama Canal, changing the name of the Gulf of Mexico and yesterday, “Uncle Scam announced his plan to create a new government agency to collect all those beautiful tariffs he wants to impose,” Kimmel reported.
“From the people who brought you the space force: the ‘external revenue service’”, he added. Trump claims the “ERS” will make sure other countries pay their fair share – “and who knows more about paying their fair share than the billionaire who paid $750 in taxes in 2016 and again in 2017”.
Meanwhile, Elon Musk is still set to lead the newly created “department of government efficiency”, because “nothing says efficiency like a man who has 12 kids with three different women”, Kimmel joked. “The idea that a private citizens whose companies do huge amounts of business with the federal government will soon be in charge of government spending is nuts. Even for Donald Trump, that’s nuts.”
Musk will even get his own office in the White House complex. He will be set up in the Eisenhower building, which was “actually a compromise”, said Kimmel. “Originally, Elon wanted to be in Trump’s bedroom with him.”
Stephen Colbert
And on the Late Show, Stephen Colbert acknowledged Michelle Obama’s plan to skip Trump’s inauguration, without providing an explanation. “Hm, what could it be?!” he mock-wondered. “Some are speculating it’s health-related, and that she came down with an incurable case of integrity. You know what she always says: when they go low, I go byeeee.”
One confirmed special guest at the celebration: the garbage truck Trump used for an infamous pre-election photo-op. “Personally, I find this surprising for several reasons,” said Colbert. “First, those trucks usually take out the garbage.” And second, Trump almost fell climbing into it, “so I assume he had the door handle executed”.
“Of course, a lot of corporations out there are bellying up to the all-you-can-smooch Trump butt buffet,” said Colbert. That includes Coca-Cola, which gifted Trump a special inaugural Diet Coke bottle featuring an image of the White House and Trump’s name.
“That is it! I’ve had it with these corporations. Diet Coke is cozying up to an authoritarian administration, I am never drinking Diet Coke again!” Colbert fumed … before cracking into a fresh can.
