My son goes to his dad's house at Christmas so I can enjoy the day alone
Despite being a devoted mum, Stacey Flinn, 40, a personal trainer and NHS administrator from Yorkshire, sends her 12-year-old son, Bear, to his dad's house on Christmas Day so she can enjoy some 'me time'. Here Stacey explains why her unconventional Christmas suits her and her family perfectly...
When people hear that I’m spending Christmas Day alone by choice, the first thing they ask is why on earth I won't be with my lovely 12-year-old son, Bear. I know it might be difficult for some parents to understand how I could choose to be separated from my child at Christmas, but I have an arrangement with my ex-husband Paul, who I share 50/50 custody of Bear with, that means we each get our perfect Christmas.
Here's how it works for us: On Christmas Eve, I give Bear a special box, as I've always done, containing new pyjamas, hot chocolate and treats. Then we’ll snuggle up and watch an old movie such as White Christmas together in our festive pyjamas – a tradition we’ve had since he was a toddler.
Late on Christmas Eve, I take Bear to his dad’s house nearby, where he’ll have the Christmas Day of his dreams. My ex, Paul, absolutely loves Christmas so really goes to town with the decorations and especially the food, which is what Bear looks forward to the most. Although I enjoy a traditional Christmas lunch, it's really just a glorified Sunday roast and I don't feel the need to have to eat it on a certain day.
This is exactly what we did last year and it worked perfectly – I wouldn’t be doing it again this year if it hadn’t.
Christmas Day walking in the peaks
While Bear is opening his presents at Paul’s on Christmas Day this year, I'll be hitting the gym for an hour’s workout with weights. After a quick shower and a change of clothes, I’ll make myself a packed lunch of sandwiches and fruit, then drive 65 miles to walk one of the Yorkshire three peaks – Whernside Peak. It’s just over 13km and will take me roughly two hours to walk it.
Precious 'me time'
I can’t wait for it to just be me with my AirPods in, listening to music. Life is so hectic day-to-day – so the best Christmas gift to myself is spending it alone.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy Christmas, but I certainly don’t like the commercialism of it. My mum says that even as a child I didn’t get overly excited about this time of year. In fact, she always laughs that they’d have to wake me up while my brothers would be downstairs desperate to open their presents and asking, "Where is she?"
Life is so hectic day-to-day – the best Christmas gift to myself is spending it alone.
Facing divorce
This is the third year I’ll be spending Christmas Day alone. Maybe it was a form of midlife crisis, but when my marriage ended amicably in August 2022 after 15 years, I decided to rebel against the norm and start doing things the way I truly wanted to. That included dying my brunette hair lilac, getting lots of tattoos and celebrating Christmas by myself.
I won’t lie, that first Christmas in 2022 was tough as our breakup was still so raw. Sitting alone in our empty marital home, which was about to be sold, was bleak. It was my choice at the time as I was so low in mood after our split and not very joyful to be around.
The last thing I wanted was to spoil Christmas for Bear, which is why Paul and I decided it was best for him to go there. I didn’t even want to do something on my own that Christmas Day as I simply wasn’t in the right frame of mind to enjoy anything.
That first Christmas was tough as our breakup was still so raw. It felt so bleak, sitting alone in our empty marital home, which was about to be sold.
Last Christmas was a different story though and I had a brilliant day in my own company, which began with a late morning workout at the gym where I’m an instructor. After that, I enjoyed a long walk around Cod Beck reservoir near Northallerton in North Yorkshire, where I ate a picnic of chicken salad, cheese and crisps, sitting on the grass in the fresh air for my Christmas lunch.
Come the evening, I went to my favourite Indian restaurant for a curry alone – I’ve booked a table for one for this Christmas too. Not having to think about anyone else, slave away in the kitchen or run around after guests was blissful. Having always been content in my own company, it turned out to be my perfect Christmas Day, which is why I’m spending it alone again this year too.
Alone by choice
However, I’m conscious that so many people are desperately lonely at this time of year, and my heart goes out to those who long to celebrate surrounded by loved ones but aren’t able to do so.
That's probably why people are always surprised when I tell them my plans and then take pity on me, saying, "Come to us for Christmas, we won’t let you be on your own!"
I’ve booked a table for one in my favourite curry restaurant again for Christmas. Not having to think about anyone else, slave away in the kitchen or run around after guests is blissful.
As a child, Boxing Day was my favourite part of Christmas as we’d always go to my uncle’s where we’d spend hours playing games with my cousins, which was so much fun.
Of course, when Bear came along in 2012, I discovered a new love for Christmas, seeing all that magic through his innocent little eyes. It meant there were years when we went overboard with presents and decorations to make it special for him.
Still, even when he was little, I’d always take the tree and decorations down as soon as he was tucked up in bed on Christmas night, happy to mark the end of the festivities for another year.
Too much pressure at Christmas
Now, I think Christmas has become a pointless day because it’s all about money, food, presents and general overindulgence, all of it fraught with stress and pressure, especially for women as I find we often tend to be the organisers.
People are always surprised when I tell them my plans and then take pity on me, saying, 'Come to us for Christmas, we won’t let you be on your own!'
If only shops were forced to close for four days over Christmas, more people would re-think the way they spend the holiday and focus on their families instead of what they can buy, eat and drink.
Another reason I’m happy to get Christmas Day out of the way now that I’m single is that I’m not very good at receiving presents. I don’t like being the centre of attention while relatives watch me unwrap gifts, and I’d rather people didn’t panic and stress about buying me anything.
Quality time together
If loved ones ask me what I’d like for Christmas, I tell them, "Buy me a coffee sometime" – and I mean it. My mum now buys me a basket full of cleaning products every Christmas and I love it because it appeals to my practical nature.
Although Bear and I won’t be together on Christmas Day, this year I’ve focussed on making the run-up to the festivities super memorable for him in the form of extreme day trips to Europe. It’s an idea I stumbled across on Facebook, where you jump on an early morning flight and then fly home late that same night.
If loved ones ask me what I’d like for Christmas, I tell them, 'Buy me a coffee sometime' – and I mean it.
This month, Bear and I have been to Malaga, Milan, Pisa and Alicante, each for a day. We flew to Alicante at 6am, then back to the UK at 10pm that night, all for £42 each. When we went to Milan, I wrapped up a bag of bread-making flour and gave it to Bear the night before as a teaser, then said to him,"Let’s go and get pizza in Milan!"
It’s been so much fun and he’ll remember these experiences far more than me giving him a Lego set to open on Christmas morning.
On Boxing Day, Paul will bring Bear back to me and we’ll go to my parents’ for the afternoon and eat non-festive food. Last year I had a jacket potato and salad, and Bear tucked into his favourite chicken wraps.
I can’t imagine spending the festivities any other way than on my own now. However, if Bear ever said to me, "Mum, I just want to spend Christmas Day with you and have lunch, presents and festive movies," I’d drop everything to do just that.
Read more about Christmas
Six tips for helping your children navigate divorce at Christmas (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)
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Seven easy ways to buy cheap, pre-loved Christmas presents (Yahoo Life, 5-min read)
