The silent strain: New study reveals moms handle 79% of family’s daily demands
A new study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family reveals what many of us already feel in our bones: moms are carrying 79% of the daily mental labor that keeps families afloat. That’s the invisible work of scheduling dentist appointments, keeping track of the grocery list, remembering it’s pajama day at preschool, and remembering who hates what when packing school lunch. It’s the constant thinking and planning that makes our heads spin.
Dads? The survey of 3,000 parents shows they say they’re carrying their weight too. But dig into the details, and it turns out they’re more likely to handle what researchers call “episodic tasks.” Think: remembering to service the car, fixing the broken dishwasher, or figuring out the best credit card rewards program. They’re much more likely to manage family jobs that happen once in a while vs. the everyday work of parenting.
Is Dad’s load important? Yes. Relentless? That’s debatable. Unlike daily logistics, episodic tasks happen once in a while—and don’t require the same relentless mental energy moms expend day in and day out.
Related: Father of 3 realizes the true weight of his wife’s ‘mental load’ after 8 days alone with the kids
Here’s the kicker: these patterns aren’t just about who does what. They’re about how these roles impact moms’ time, mental health, and overall well-being. Being the go-to person for the family’s daily operations leaves moms stretched thin—physically, emotionally, and financially. No wonder we’re tired.
The first step to change? Awareness. Couples need to recognize the patterns they’ve fallen into and ask: Is this working for us? Because let’s be real—if one parent is drowning in the grind of everyday logistics while the other gets a breather between tasks, something’s got to give.
So, here’s an invitation to dads: Step into the daily grind. Lighten the load. If moms didn’t have to be the default planners for every meal, every party, and every birthday gift, imagine the mental space they could reclaim. And hey, this isn’t just about fairness—it’s about strengthening families. Because when moms thrive, everyone benefits.
Related: The invisible labor that’s breaking moms: How unequal mental load impacts mental health
The invisible work of moms may be the glue holding it all together, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of their wellness. Let’s rebalance the scales and share the load. One grocery list at a time.
Sources:
A typology of US parents’ mental loads: Core and episodic cognitive labor. 2024. Wiley Online Library. A typology of US parents’ mental loads: Core and episodic cognitive labor.
