What is ‘sharenting’? How parents could be harming their kids on social media
Editor’s note: Kara Alaimo is an associate professor of communication at Fairleigh Dickinson University. Her book “Over the Influence: Why Social Media Is Toxic for Women and Girls — And How We Can Take It Back” was recently published by Alcove Press. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook and X.
One of the increased dangers kids could face on social media this week comes from an unexpected source: their parents.
On National Daughters Day on Wednesday, many parents will share pictures of their children on their social media feeds.
Moms and dads may do the same on National Sons Day on Saturday. But “sharenting” — when parents share pictures of their kids on social media — comes with potential risks to children.
School bullies, predators and presidential campaigns
As a professor who studies social media use, I previously interviewed one teenager who told me she worried that schoolmates would use pictures of her posted by her parents — both comedians with large followings on Instagram — to make fun of her. Most bullying these days happens on phones, she said. Young people will sometimes add someone into a group chat and then post an embarrassing photo to humiliate the person.
Another possibility is that the photos could be used against children — perhaps out of context — in the future. For example, goofy photos could resurface one day when they are running for political office and trying to be taken seriously and be used in political ads by the opposition.
My past research shows girls are particularly vulnerable to coming under fire for social media content because society judges women and girls especially harshly for things such as not being perceived as polite or not being perfectly coiffed and camera-ready in every picture.
An even scarier prospect is the possibility that photos parents post could attract the attention of criminals. For example, images of children could be taken from their parents’ accounts and reposted on sites for pedophiles. And information parents post — such as the name of their children’s school or photos of their bus stop — could give away information that predators could use to track them down offline.
What kids learn from sharenting
Parents should also consider what kids learn from sharenting. If children grow up feeling responsible for constantly posing for photos to attract attention from others, they could take away the message that they should seek external affirmation — rather than focusing on their own needs and desires or doing what they think is right, even if it’s not documentable for online audiences. Seeking a lot of external approval is associated with anxiety and symptoms of depression, according to past research.
This is a particularly problematic lesson to teach girls because “they’re coming of age in a society where girls and women are judged on their physical appearance and ability to please an audience,” Leah Plunkett, executive director of Harvard Law School Online and author of “Sharenthood: Why We Should Think Before We Talk About Our Kids Online,” told me in an interview for my book.
Teaching girls to perform for their parents’ social media feeds could reinforce the idea that their value is tied to these performances, said Plunkett, who is also the associate dean of learning experience and innovation at Harvard Law. Schooling girls to preen and pose could also send the message that their appearances are of prime importance.
How to sharent responsibly
Of course, not all sharenting is necessarily harmful. For example, I occasionally share photos of my children in private feeds and think it’s beneficial that my kids have an extended network of family and friends across the globe who care about them and feel connected to them because they are watching them grow up.
Thankfully, there are ways to minimize the potential risks to children when parents sharent.
First, parents should consider posting photos on private accounts. They have to approve requests for someone to be a friend or follow them — and they should only do so if they know the person offline.
Of course, sharing in private accounts isn’t foolproof. The content could be hacked or accessed by the staff of a social network — or one of their friends could turn out not to be as trustworthy as expected. But doing so can reduce the likelihood of having people with bad intentions access children’s information.
People can impersonate others online, so when parents receive a friend or follow request, it’s a good idea to follow up with the person offline to confirm that they actually created the account.
If posting publicly, parents can consider using an emoji over their child’s face — a strategy famously practiced by Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg, whom we can certainly expect to be in the know about the potential dangers of sharing kids’ information online.
It’s also important to consider whether photos can be used out of context or to embarrass children — now or in the future. When I speak to parents about how to handle their social media use and that of their kids, the question I often suggest considering before posting is: If this resurfaces in the future, will it send my daughter’s or son’s presidential campaign into damage-control mode?
In addition, it’s a good idea to limit the types of information shared. For example, where a child was born is a common security question that could be used to hack into online accounts in the future. Not sharing the names of their school and other places they regularly frequent can make it harder for someone to find children offline.
When sharing or seeking information about sensitive subjects such as a child’s medical condition, parents can also consider creating accounts not using real names on platforms that allow this.
The parents I have spoken to across the country often tell me they are worried about what their children are doing on social media. But some of the dangers kids could face online stem — often unwittingly, of course — from the behavior of their moms and dads. That’s why it’s important to sharent responsibly.
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