How to speak to girls about sexual assault, according to experts
As a parent, the thought of anything happening to your children can be truly upsetting and it can be difficult to think about, let alone talk about it. But some conversations - as hard as they may be - need to happen.
Raising a child of any gender comes with specific fears and concerns. But when it comes to raising girls, these worries often revolve around sexual harassment and assault, both of which can have devastating impacts.
A 2022 survey by global girls’ rights charity Plan International UK found that 86% of parents worry their daughter will experience public sexual harassment in her lifetime, starting from the ages of between 11 and 13.
Unfortunately, statistics show that parents are right to be concerned. According to Rape Crisis, one in four women have been raped or sexually assaulted as an adult, with 6.5 million women in England and Wales having been raped or sexually assaulted since the age of 16.
The National Police Chiefs’ Council and College of Policing commissioned a national policing statement for violence against women and girls (VAWG) earlier this year and found that at least one in every 12 women will be a victim per year.
Deputy Chief Constable Maggie Blyth, deputy CEO of the College of Policing and NPCC lead for VAWG, described the issue as a "national emergency" and called on the government to take action. Recent news stories have also brought the issue of sexual assault to the forefront, and it's more important than ever to address it.
When confronted by these figures, many parents may be wondering whether they should open up a conversation with their daughters about sexual assault. We spoke to Rape Crisis to find out why it’s important to do so, and how to begin talking about it.
Should I speak to my daughter about sexual assault?
There is still a lot of social stigma around sexual assault, and this can make it hard for parents to broach the topic. But it’s this unease around talking about it that creates and reinforces a culture of silence, and why it’s so important to have frank and honest discussions. If parents show that it’s OK to talk about sexual assault, it creates a safe environment for their daughters to confide in them should they want to.
How do I start a conversation with my daughter about sexual assault?
Bringing it up doesn’t have to be as scary as sitting them down and having a ‘talk’. It’s an unfortunate fact that sexual assault is everywhere in the media – in books, TV shows and on the news. When it comes up in everyday life, parents could ask their daughters what they think about it to start the discussion.
Some key things to talk through with them could be what sexual consent is, what kind of behaviours are problematic and what constitutes sexual assault, and who to talk if they’re worried about something that has happened to them or someone they know.
It’s also really important to make it clear that no one deserves to be sexually assaulted, and that the blame always lies with the person who committed the assault. If your child tells you they have been sexually assaulted the best thing you can do is listen to them, believe what they are saying, and then let them tell you what they need.
What do I do if I’m struggling to talk about it?
If parents are struggling, Rape Crisis England and Wales have lots of information on the website, including definitions of sexual assault, ways to find support, common myths and facts, and self-help resources.
Those impacted by sexual assault and those supporting them are able to call the free and confidential 24/7 Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Line. Call handlers will listen to you, believe you and answer any questions that you might have.
Should I talk about sexual assault with my son?
It’s incredibly important that parents also talk to their sons about sexual assault. One reason being that men and boys are raped and sexually assaulted every day in England and Wales: one in 20 men have experienced rape or sexual assault as an adult. Sexual violence and abuse can have a lasting and serious impact on the lives and wellbeing of men and boys, just as it can for women and girls.
Another reason that is probably quite difficult for parents to reconcile is that it is overwhelmingly sons rather than daughters who commit sexual assault – 91% of people prosecuted for sexual offences are men aged 18+. This isn’t something that happens by chance. Boys are conditioned from a young age to believe that women and girls are less valuable to society, and that sexual violence and abuse against them is ‘normal.’ This is evident in the popularity of violent pornography and the prominence of influencers who are outwardly sexist and derogatory about women.
We refer to this as ‘rape culture’ and it’s a big problem. Parents might discuss with their sons the prevalence of sexual assault and its impacts, but also about the culture that leads to this. Teaching sons about sexual consent is key, but so too is addressing why it’s not OK to make or laugh at sexist jokes, or to treat girls as if they aren’t as good as boys. You can find lots of information about rape culture on the Rape Crisis website to help with these conversations.
If you feel you have been sexually assaulted you can contact the 24/7 Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Line on 0808 500 2222 or visit https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/
Read more about parenting:
‘Unless parents are pushing the issue, it can fizzle out’: what to do if your child is bullied at school (The Guardian, 8-min read)
Parents are to blame if child is a fussy eater – but not for the reason you think (The Telegraph, 2-min read)
3 Psychology-Backed Steps To Take When Asking Your Kids To Clean (HuffPost UK, 3-min read)
