Four key skills a child should be able to do before starting school
As parents get in their primary school applications, thoughts will no doubt be turning to getting children ready to start reception in September. But it seems there's some confusion about the skills kids need to master before entering the classroom, with new research highlighting a difference between parents and teachers in terms of school readiness.
According to a report, from early years charity Kindred², while 90% of parents believe their child is ready start school, teachers say a third of children aren't.
More than 1,000 staff in primary schools and 1,000 parents of Reception age children in England and Wales were surveyed by Savanta in October and November last year, with results revealing
Fewer than half of the parents polled think children should know how to use books correctly before starting primary school, a survey has suggested and only three in four (76%) believe children should be toilet trained before joining reception.
Teachers suggested children are entering primary school with delays in basic motor skills and a lack of core strength.
The majority of school staff highlighted children spending too much time on electronic devices (54%) and parents not reading enough to their children (52%) as key reasons why children may not be school ready.
What is being school ready?
Getting children school ready isn’t just about children having the right uniform, packed lunch and arriving on time. Experts say a huge part of school readiness is about a child’s physical, social, emotional, and cognitive skills, but parents are often uncertain about how encourage these skills.
"When preparing children for school, it’s essential to focus on a broad set of school readiness skills rather than rigid developmental milestones," explains educational psychologist, Dr Patricia Britto.
"Every child develops at their own pace, and placing too much pressure on them (or on parents) can lead to anxiety and resistance rather than progress."
While there is no official check list of skills children need to master before school, research has shown that preparing children for school in a positive manner has an impact, not only on their happiness through their time in their new setting but also on how they view transitions in the future.
Here’s what matters and how you can support your child without overwhelming them (or yourself).
Skills children should try to master before school
Self-care skills
A child starting reception should ideally be able to manage simple self care tasks such as going to the toilet independently, washing their hands and putting on their coat and shoes.
How to help:
Parents sometimes worry about toilet training, getting dressed, or using cutlery at mealtimes, but the school isn’t expecting military-level discipline. "The goal is essential independence, like being able to ask for help when needed and manage simple self-care tasks most of the time," Dr Britto adds.
Toilet training: If your child isn’t fully toilet trained, don’t panic. "Try to set up a predictable routine, use visual prompts, and reassure them that accidents are okay," Dr Britto suggests. "Many schools support kids who still need a bit of help."
Getting dressed: Dr Britto recommends letting them practice with easy clothes (hello, elastic waistbands). "Give them extra time in the morning rather than rushing to do it for them," she adds.
Eating independently: Keep meals low-pressure. "If they struggle with cutlery, try foods they can manage with their fingers while they build up confidence," Dr Britto suggests.
Social skills
Being able to recognise emotions, take turns, and cope with little setbacks is more important for school success than knowing how to read. "Kids don’t need to be social butterflies, but they need to start understanding things like waiting, sharing, and asking for help," Dr Britto explains.
How to help:
Play turn-taking games (board games, “your turn, my turn” activities) to practice patience.
Name emotions as they arise. " can see you’re frustrated that your tower fell," Dr Britto says. "Do you want to try again?”
Model problem-solving out loud so they learn what to do when things don’t go their way. “Oops, I dropped my spoon! I’ll pick it up and try again".
"Vygotsky’s theory of learning through social interaction shows that children learn best through play and gentle adult guidance," Dr Britto adds. "So, just chatting, playing, and including them in daily life is enough to build these skills."
Early literacy and numeracy skills
Many parents worry their child should be reading before school, but that’s not the expectation. "More critical is exposure to knowing how to hold a book, turn pages, and recognise that words have meaning," Dr Britto explains. "Similarly, early numeracy isn’t about doing sums but recognising patterns, shapes, and counting in everyday life."
How to help:
Make books part of daily life but let them engage at their own pace. "Looking at pictures, pretending to 'read', and listening to stories all count," Dr Britto says.
Point out numbers naturally - counting steps, spotting numbers on houses, or dividing snacks (“one for me, one for you”).
Let them scribble and ‘write’ - early mark-making (drawing, ‘writing’ shopping lists) is a foundation for later writing skills.
Emotional regulation
Children should have some ability to manage small frustrations, separate from their caregiver without distress and engage with peers in play.
How to help:
"Starting school is a huge transition, and one of the best things parents can do is create routines that mimic the school day," advises Dr Britto. "Research on executive function (the brain’s ability to plan, focus, and manage tasks) shows that kids feel safer and more in control when they know what’s coming next."
Introduce simple morning routines (eg “First we have breakfast, then we get dressed, then we brush our teeth”).
Practice separating for short periods, such as during playdates, nursery visits, or even saying goodbye for an hour with a trusted adult, to help ease separation anxiety.
Talk about school positively, walk past the school, read books about starting school, and let them ask questions.
Dr Britto says no child is entirely “ready” in every area before school starts, and that’s okay. "What matters most is that they feel safe, supported, and curious about learning," she explains. "Pressure (from ourselves or others) often does more harm than good, so trust your child’s pace, celebrate progress over perfection, and remember that schools are used to supporting children at all different stages of development."
The best thing you can do? Keep engaging, keep playing, and reassure yourself that your child will get there in their own time. "Seek support from professionals such as your GP and from an educational psychologist if you need further clarification about your child's needs and strengths," Dr Britto adds.
Helping neurodivergent children be school ready
For families of neurodivergent children starting school can pose many challenges. Rebecca varrall, clinical psychologist and co founder of Neurodiversity Unravelled advises taking away some of the unknowns by preparing a social story including photos of key people and places to help your child know what to expect when they start school.
"Keep communication open, having a home school book to share how your child slept, are can be really useful as a barometer of their engagement that day," she adds. "Remember that starting school can be tiring allow time for low demand relaxed weekends for your child to recharge and reset as they are adjusting to so many changes to their daily routine. Change can be tough for neurodivergent children to navigate taking some of these preemptive steps could help to ease the transition."
Read more about parenting:
Seven signs your child could be addicted to their mobile phone (Yahoo Life UK, 7-min read)
Five ways parents can teach ‘kindness’ as it is named children’s word of the year (Yahoo Life UK, 4-min read)
Talking about extreme online violence with young people: advice for parents (Guardian, 6-min read)
