What is the seasonal sex drive dip and how can we get over it?
It's early January and all we feel like doing is cosying up on the sofa with a cuppa, hot water bottle and the second season of The Traitors.
It's little wonder, therefore, that for many of us this time of year can have an impact on our libidos and therefore our sex lives, with research revealing January as being one of the least sexy months.
From the chilly weather encouraging us to want to hunker down rather than ramp it up, to a hangover from the holiday season leaving us feeling a bit meh, there are many reasons intimacy has tumbled down the to-do list.
"This time of year can be a really challenging period for sex drive for all sorts of reasons," explains Alice Child, sexologist at sexual wellness platform SheSpot. "This is particularly true for those in the Northern Hemisphere, because winter can bring a whole heap of extra sexual 'brakes'."
Child says there are many factors that may have influenced this seasonal dip in desire including:
Mental health: Seasonal depression is very common in the UK due to the lack of sunlight and long nights. "Low mental health and depression can impact our sexual health and libido," Child says.
Weather: The cold can influence sex drive as it prevents blood flow which is vital for arousal to build in the body. "Warmth on the other hand helps people feel relaxed, comfortable and turned on," Child adds.
Stress: Although the holidays are fun for many, they can also be a time of anxiety, loneliness and stress for others. "Financial strain, unhealthy family dynamics, relationship conflict, and general pressure can lead to a spike of the stress hormone cortisol, which reduces libido," Child explains.
Less privacy/change in routine: The holidays often change our routine, staying for periods of time with friends, family members, or in new places. "This can make it hard or impossible to find quality time and privacy with ourselves and our partner," she adds.
Body confidence: Christmas is a time for indulgence, and many people feel low in body confidence when January comes around. "Low body confidence is a huge brake for many people as they don't feel desirable, attractive or confident during intimacy," Child explains.
Gut health and diet: 90% of our hormones are made in the gut. If our gut health is off, our sexual health usually follows. "If you've been over indulging this Christmas on rich food and alcohol this might have impacted your mood," Child adds.
In order to address this seasonal intimacy dip it's important to understand the science behind sexual desire.
"Fluctuations in your desire for sex and your libido are not only very normal, but are inevitable," explains Child. "So many things impact our libido and sex drive, and it will be different for everyone."
Child says The Duel Control Model for Sexual Response explains sex drive fluctuations as being influenced by your own personal ‘breaks’ and ‘accelerators’:
Accelerators: Physical, contextual, emotional and psychological stimuli that help you feel turned on, relaxed, confident, safe, present, aroused, and connected to your partner and your own body. "This stimulus could be anything - it really depends on what works for you," Child adds.
Brakes: Physical, contextual, emotional and psychological stimuli that gets in the way of you feeling turned on, aroused, safe, present, confident, aroused and connected to your partner or your own body.
How to reignite your sex drive this January
Thankfully there are some simple tricks and tips that will help get things back on track this 2024, starting with getting to know your turn ons and turn offs.
As this is personal and different for everyone, Child recommends trying to figure out what it is about this time of year that is really dampening your sex life and then taking some steps to address it.
For example if it's the cold putting your off, she recommends getting a heated blanket and putting it on 30 minutes before sexy time.
If the darkness is dwindling desire try making it romantic with fairy lights, candles and sensual music.
While it may not be such a quick fix addressing any mental health, confidence or stress issues, Child suggests increasing your self-care routine and being gentle and kind to yourself.
"If disconnection with your partner is the main problem try scheduling some date nights, new ideas, and quality time together," she adds. "You don't have to spend a fortune to try new things and reconnect."
Other tips for reigniting the sexual spark
Remove unhelpful goals
Creating unhelpful goals such as ‘getting hard’, ‘reaching orgasm’, or ‘getting in the mood’ will add even more pressure and stress. "Instead, make your goal 'pleasure' or 'curiosity'," Child adds.
Carve out the time
If we don’t plan it, we don’t always do it. "Although ‘scheduling sex’ might sound unsexy, it can actually lead to a lot of anticipation and build up," Child explains. "This is especially important during times of stress. Pleasure takes time to build. Don’t rush yourself."
Get your body moving
Exercise, moving your body and pleasure (such as massage) releases pleasure hormones, neurotransmitters, and chemicals that help break down stress hormones such as cortisol. "Moving our body through things like dance, yoga and Pilates can be real triggers for libido," Child explains.
Practice mindfulness
Carving out moments of mental calm can help regulate your nervous system and slow the mind. Child suggests taking a long bath, deep breathing or massage.
Masturbate more, and with more variation
"Even when we are not in the mood to be sexual, a daily pleasure practice (at least 15 minutes a day if you can!) helps trigger more desire," Child says.
Try something new
If variety is the spice of life, then novelty and newness is the spice of arousal. "What new sexual fantasy have you always wanted to try? How could you bring it to life?" Child asks.
Focus on physical sensations
If you find your mind wanders during sex, Child suggests trying to place your attention on the physical sensations you are experiencing. "What are you noticing physically in your body? How does the touch feel? What might make that touch/sensation feel even better?" she adds.
Talk about it
Open and honest communication is essential as you and your partner need to be able to discuss concerns, stressors and desires. "Be really explicit and clear with your communication with each other – ask for what you want, be descriptive, and learn together," Child says. "Know that you won’t always get it right – and that’s okay! But create a safe space for experimentation, learning and play in your sex-life."
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