Professional sexologist is helping “kink-positive” people to conquer sexual anxieties and enjoy positive intimacy by teaming up with an adult porn site
A professional sexologist is using her skills to help “kink-positive” people conquer their sexual anxieties and enjoy more positive and satisfying intimacy by teaming up with an adult pornography site.
Determined to challenge the grubby image normally associated with porn, clinical sexologist Elaine Turner, 30, brings flair and considerable counselling experience to the Arousr phone sex and adult chat platform, where she answers clients’ questions about their sexual insecurities.
Elaine, of Sydney, Australia, said: “Working with Arousr presented me with the chance to reach people who are kink-positive, as they are already using porn, but who still need help.”
She added: ”I’ve been working with them since the pandemic began. I’m online at least four days a week and I also make video content for them and am helping them create their sex-positive, kink-positive messaging platform.”
Elaine, who is in a relationship, has trained in sex education around the world and specialises in supporting couples and individuals to build a lasting intimate connection through sex and relationship coaching.
At Arousr she is keen to encourage a positive discussion around sexual problems and works to boost clients’ confidence and communication skills concerning intimacy.
She said: “I was looking for new ways for people to be able to contact me anonymously and when Aurosr got in touch, I knew this is what I’d been looking for.”
Increasingly, while users of the platform engage with professional sex workers over video, sex chats or audio, they also opt to talk about deeper issues with trained professionals such as Elaine.
Originally from California, USA, Elaine trained in sex education, anthropology and sexual health after an embarrassed friend confided in her, not realising that her feelings of arousal when she was with her boyfriend were perfectly normal and healthy.
She said: “The poor thing had no idea about her own sexual functioning.
“And that gap in sex education spurred me to do my own research.
“Then I attended university in San Francisco, which had a very sex positive atmosphere.”
Give your partner time. You have had time to think about how you feel about it. Why not bring it up, then make a time to talk in a week when they have had some time to think on it?
Choose the right setting. Do not have the chat in bed, in the bedroom or around the time when you have been intimate. Talking about sex in these contexts can dramatically increase emotions. Why not bring it up over dinner or while relaxing on the sofa?
Use a conversational framework. Maybe hold an object when it is your turn to talk or set a timer to limit the length of the conversation.
Remember that you come from different stories. Different genders, orientations and backgrounds create your feelings about pornography. Be patient and give each other space to talk about your experiences.
Resolve to be open-minded. Keep your judgements to yourself.
She added: “I minored in human sexuality studies and that turned into the rest of my life and the last 12 years of education.”
Going on to complete sexuality courses in Beijing, China; Amsterdam, Holland; Seattle, San Francisco and Beverley Hills in the USA; and Newcastle, Australia, she gained an international knowledge of her chosen field.
Finally, moving to Australia in February 2020, she put her education to work, launching Sexwithelaine.com and building up a client base of people working through issues such as low sexual desire, erectile and body confidence issues, sexual performance anxiety and fetishes.
Now bringing this wealth of professional experience to the porn website, she says the most frequent questions she is asked include, ‘How can I talk to women in real life?’ and ‘How can I make a dating profile?’
She said: “People can message me anonymously, which is a really big bonus – offering confidentiality.
“A lot of people feel safer behind their screens, especially people from developing nations, who may not have had the same access to open discussion as we have in the developed world.”
She added: “There can be a lot of sexual negativity and even safety issues for them in asking these important questions and getting to know their own bodies.”
While Elaine offers text, audio and video support through the site, she says most people prefer not to be fully identified.
She said: “Not a lot of people have approached me for video calls because it takes away the anonymity with their sexual difficulties.”
And, while porn still has a widely negative image, she insists it is changing.
She said: “Porn is definitely changing. But I would still like to see more progress in the industry towards sex-positivity and real sex. Your sexual expectations are built around what you see in porn.
“Real sex is tired sex, maybe sex that only happens once in a while when the kids are busy. It’s not the way it happens in porn. It can take a while or not long at all. We all need to realise what we traditionally see in porn isn’t real. We need to move away from that towards positivity and realism.”
She added: “Sex happens between the ears and not solely in front of the eyes. So many other pornography websites focus on the videos to get as much money as possible. Arousr is about focusing on the communication between the two people – the customer and the sex worker – through messaging, individual calls or video calls.”
Accepting that some people regard using porn as cheating, this is an issue that needs to be worked out by couples within a relationship.
She said: “Some may consider it cheating. But, really, that’s something you need to work out in the relationship.”
She added: “Whether you are kink positive or not, one thing remains of primary importance if a relationship is to be successful and that is to be honest with your partner about your private habits.”
For information about photography see www.julianallesphotography.com
