Pressures Of Parenthood: Over A Quarter Of New Mums Are Left Feeling Lonely And Overwhelmed
Looking after a newborn can be really overwhelming, and a huge number of mums are feeling unsupported as they adjust to this demanding 24/7 role
Motherhood is a big change from being at work. One minute you're surrounded by stimulating adult conversation, the next you're spending all day with no one but your gurgling baby for company.
It’s no wonder then that a quarter of first-time mums have confessed they feel lonely – which health experts warn could lead to postnatal depression.
In a survey conducted by AXA PPA healthcare and Netmums, 24 per cent of new mums also admitted that they had no relatives close by to help out with both the practical, and emotional, side of parenting.
Even though there are lots of baby classes and new mum groups held throughout the UK, over a quarter of mothers said they hadn’t made new friends since their baby was born.
And many admitted they didn’t keep their pre-baby friends either. Some 14 per cent revealed that they had lost touch with their colleagues and old friends – a figure that’s increased to 25 per cent in mums aged 18-24 years old.
One new mum, Claire Goodall, says the loneliness of being a new mum was “a shock to the system.”
Appearing on This Morning to share her experiences, Claire said motherhood left her feeling incapable – despite mentally preparing herself for the reality of being a new mum.
“I would class myself as very capable, but when you're a new mum and have a baby you don't feel like that,” she said. Claire found she had nothing in common with the other women in her mother and baby group and struggled with what she thought were
baby basics – such as breastfeeding.
“I spent three months trying to breastfeed... If I didn't open up and say I can't do this any more I wouldn't have been able to do look after my daughter properly,” says Claire.
She eventually reached out to her husband and friends for support but unfortunately lots of new mums don’t open up about their struggles adjusting to life with a newborn, which can spur mental health issues such as postnatal depression (PND).
But before you go diagnosing yourself, or your partner with PND, your emotional and tearful state could be as common as the baby blues.
According to MIND, the so-called ‘baby blues’ affects around 85 per cent of new mums and is considered to be completely normal. It may be distressing, but usually only lasts a few days.
However, PND, a much deeper and long-term depression, affects around 10-15 per cent of new mums. It comes with a range of feelings, some of which may be; feeling sad and low, tired, unable to cope, guilty and hostile or indifferent to your baby. There’s no exact known cause for it, but certain situations may put you at risk of developing it – including feeling unsupported and lonely.
“Often, first time mothers are not prepared for the fact that when they gain a baby they also lose a great deal of their former lives in the shape of their freedom, job, figure and sex life,” psychotherapist Christine Webber told Mail Online.
“It’s important that first time mums are familiar with the concept of postnatal depression so that they don’t feel too isolated, ashamed or inadequate if it happens to them – and also that they seek help promptly.”
There are plenty of different mum and baby classes available through the UK, and if you find you don’t love one, give another one a go. There’s everything from baby yoga, to baby massage to baby discos – or just a good old NCT natter may be more your cup of tea.
Try and be open and honest about how you’re feeling when you speak to your health visitor, other new mums or your partner – everything you’re feeling will have been voiced by another mum at some point so don’t feel guilty for saying it.
[Baby Blog: It’s New Year’s Eve And I Wish I Was Out. There, I Said It]
[Life With Postnatal Depression]
Do you find parenthood more lonely than you expected? Let us know in the comments.