What To Do If Your Pet Doesn't Like Your New Partner
The start of a relationship is an exciting time when everything seems wonderful. But even if you’re smitten with your new partner, your pet might not be.
Whether your dog or cat is barking, hissing, hiding or outright ignoring your paramour, their disapproval can put a serious damper on a budding romance.
“It’s more common than people think,” said Dr. Michelle Dulake, a veterinarian and cofounder of Fera Pets. “A new person brings unfamiliar smells, which can make a pet feel uneasy. Pets also thrive on consistency, and a new person may unintentionally disrupt their routine, whether it’s a change in sleeping arrangements, feeding schedules or attention from their owner.”
She added that pets are also highly perceptive of body language.
“If the new partner is nervous, overly excited or hesitant, the pet may pick up on this and react accordingly,” Dulake explained. “Some pets can become possessive of their owner and see a new person as a threat to their attention, affection, or even physical space.”
So what can you do if your pet seems to dislike your new partner? Is it possible to turn things around? Below, Dulake and other experts share their advice.
Build positive associations.
“The new partner should respect the pet’s space, and focus on trying to build positive associations, such as bringing a treat or toy when they see the dog,” said Dr. Gary Landsberg, a veterinarian with VCA Animal Hospitals. “Similar to in training, when we reward our dogs with a treat or verbal affirmation when they perform a command or trick, this helps build the dog’s association with your partner as something good.”
If the pet has a favorite activity, the new partner might want to initiate that activity with them.
“Always have a positive emotional attitude around the pet, do not yell or punish him, and bring with you some of the pet’s favorite treats,” advised Dr. Carlo Siracusa, chief of the animal behavior service at the University of Pennsylvania School of Veterinary Medicine. “At first, it may be better to toss the treat from a distance rather than force the dog to take it from the partner’s hand.”
Don’t force anything.
“Always give time and space to the pet, and never force interactions in which the pet is not ready to engage,” Siracusa said. “For example, do not restrain a dog or a cat to allow people to touch them.”
He advised against new partners engaging in “friendly” human behaviors like hugging, bending over or kissing the pet.
“Studies show that these are among the behaviors that frequently precede a dog’s bite to the face of a person,” Siracusa noted.
As with human relationships, connections with pets take time to develop, so you should go at their pace.
“It can be tempting for anyone to try and make friends with a pet, but it needs to be consensual,” echoed Dr. Vanessa Spano of the Schwarzman Animal Medical Center. “We all assume that we can just go up to pets and touch them or hug them, but we should ask ourselves first ― would we want to be pet without our consent?”
Let them get to know each other in a neutral setting.
“Pet parents can gradually introduce their new partner in a calm, controlled setting,” said Angela Laws, head of community at the home and pet-sitting service TrustedHousesitters. “This could even involve meeting in a safe and neutral location away from the pet’s territory to ensure a stress-free introduction.”
Give your pet a chance to get to know this new person and feel comfortable with them before they become a fixture at your house.
Siracusa similarly suggested making introductions “in a quiet context outside of the home, like during a walk.”
Foster calm vibes.
It’s natural to feel nervous in these situations, but encourage your partner to embody a peaceful presence in your pet’s life.
“Maintaining a calm and relaxed demeanor is important, as pets can pick up on nervous energy,” Dulake said. “Using soft tones, slow movements, and avoiding direct eye contact ― especially with anxious pets ― can make interactions less intimidating.”
If you’re at ease, the animal is more likely to feel at ease, too. Pet owners can also help foster this relaxed vibe.
“Start by making sure your pet is in a good headspace before your partner comes over, such as taking your dog for a long walk or having play time right before,” Landsberg advised.
Ensure the pet has a safe space to retreat to.
“Make sure your pet has a safe space where he can retreat if he feels stressed to find some peace and quiet,” Siracusa advised.
Because pets can get territorial, it’s important for them to feel like there’s still a place where they can seek comfort and alone time, even if there’s a new person in the home.
Bring home items with your partner’s scent.
“Pets rely heavily on scent to recognize and feel comfortable with individuals,” Dulake said.
Unfamiliar smells can make animals uncomfortable, so try to help them get acquainted with your partner’s particular scent.
“Leaving an item with their scent, such as a shirt or blanket, near the pet’s favorite space can also help the pet get used to their presence,” Dulake said.
Involve your partner in your pet’s routine.
“Participating in the pet’s daily routine, such as joining for walks or feeding time, can foster trust,” Dulake noted.
A natural and relaxing way to establish a relationship with a pet is to engage with them in activities they already love, like playtime.
“Involving them in daily care tasks such as feeding, grooming, and potty breaks can strengthen the bond and help your pet see them as a trusted caregiver,” Law echoed.
Be patient.
“Most importantly, patience is key,” Dulake said. “Allowing the pet to warm up at their own pace will lead to a more natural and lasting bond.”
She emphasized letting the pet approach the new person on their own terms. Building a bond takes time.
“Be patient and be careful not to add to the problem by wanting your dog or cat to immediately be affectionate with a new partner simply to make it an endorsement of that new partner’s role in your life,” said Philip Tedeschi, a human-animal connection expert with Rover. “Can a dog or a cat feel jealous? Heck yeah! They are highly sentient beings with a capacity for a wide range of emotions.”
Try to avoid disrupting the pet’s routine, but if it’s necessary, try to make it happen slowly and smoothly.
“Plan accordingly in advance and do a gradual transition to the new routine,” Siracusa urged.
Pay attention to body language.
“Both the owner and partner should understand cat and dog body language so that they can appropriately identify when their pet is afraid or uncomfortable,” Spano said. “If the body language includes any type of aggression, even growling and lunging without biting, the owner must always practice safety and management, such as by keeping the pet in another room with plenty of food, water, potty areas, and enrichment.”
When the animal isn’t displaying any concerning body language, the partner can attempt to slowly make those positive associations by gently tossing treats and toys their way. Avoid direct eye contact at first, as this can read as intimidating.
“If the pet does come up to them without any obvious body language signs of distress, the partner can attempt what I call the three-second rule: Pet them in a neutral area like the chest for no longer than three seconds and move their hands away,” Spano said.
The partner can then try to pet them again if the animal’s body language remains neutral or positive. Should they show signs of distress or overwhelm, give them space and time to decompress.
“If the pet shows any fear or anxiety or even just walks away, stop the interaction altogether,” Spano added. “This reinforces to the pet that they do not need to escalate to more obvious signs of fear and discomfort like growling or lunging in order to get their message across, and that we respect their boundaries.”
Make sure you’re still getting plenty of one-on-one time.
“Make sure your pet still gets plenty of one-on-one time with you so they don’t feel like they’re being replaced,” Dulake advised.
You want to reassure your pet that although there’s this big change with a new person in your lives, your relationship and their happiness are still priorities.
“Provide them with warmth and love,” Tedeschi said. “Acknowledge them when they enter the room.”
In addition to offering affection, he also recommended giving your pet more freedom to explore the world and have new experiences, showing interest in their activities, setting up shared adventures, avoiding situations that cause stress and engaging in play and rituals that comfort them.
“Consistently showing up in these ways for our pets creates healthy relationships and provides opportunities for us to be our best selves,” Tedeschi said. “It also models for your new partner the type of relationship you have with your pet and invites them to follow.”
Use rewards.
As with other types of training, positive reinforcement goes far when it comes to teaching your pet how to calmly connect with your partner.
“Reinforcing good behavior when your pet positively interacts with your new partner with treats, praise, favorite rewards and play will give them a positive association to your partner,” Laws said.
Consult with an expert.
In more severe cases, you might need to consult with a professional to help your pet become more comfortable with your partner.
“If your pet exhibits extreme fear or aggression, consulting a veterinarian or animal behaviorist can help address any underlying anxiety,” Dulake said. “With time, consistency, and patience, most pets can learn to accept and even enjoy your partner’s presence.”
