23 Red Flags People Overlooked In Relationships That Led To The Most Brutal Breakups
We all have that one relationship that, when it goes up in flames, you can’t help but reflect on the signs you dismissed along the way, which in hindsight feel like a giant “you should have known from that alone” sign.
These types of breakups can hit especially hard because it’s difficult not to blame yourself for even going there in the first place and letting yourself be vulnerable with someone who wasn’t worth opening up to.
Reddit user u/HappyHappyJoyJoy44 asked people to share the signs they shrugged off, asking, “What was the first red flag you ignored in your worst relationship?”
Apparently, many people have been there because they had a lot to say, with the question garnering over 4,000 responses, so here are some of the most eye-opening ones:
1."The flakiness. Saying they’ll do something, then forgetting about it. Cheap words that get your hopes high with nothing to show at the end of it. Not just a few times but again and again until you realize it is who they are."
2."Dismissive comments about my interests seemed minor until they became a pattern."
"The last relationship I got out of was exactly this, and it didn't seem like an issue at first, but it became extremely damaging. You don't have to stay with someone who doesn't lift you up."
3."Even though they were 'too busy' to respond to texts, they managed to spend the entire day posting on social media."
4."She would often throw out the line 'maybe we shouldn't be together then' when we had disagreements, if I didn't do what she wanted. I thought I knew what I wanted, and every time she'd say that, it would scare me into line about losing her."
"It came to a point where I told myself, 'Alright, if she says that three more times, she's out.' She did, and I said, 'Yeah, you're right; we shouldn't,' and I left. I was in that relationship for eight years…"
5."The golden rule: If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you."
6."Rage was a red flag I ignored, too. 'He had a bad day,' or 'Wow, he hates this person and is so angry; this person must've wounded him deeply.' Nope, he was just an abusive narcissist."
"He liked getting angry, hurting others, and making people afraid. It was how he controlled people and situations so everything would go his way. I'm glad I got the hell out of that marriage. Steer clear of ragers. It's not a phase."
7."She didn't get along with anybody. She was an argumentative and controlling person in all of her personal relationships. I ignored all that and thought she'd change, but after I was with her, I saw that she blamed everyone for her own shortcomings, had anger issues and mental issues, and refused to get help."
8."Dismissed their constant need to control everything as just 'being protective.'”
9."When I met his friends, they all told me I could do so much better. If he were genuinely a good guy, his buddies wouldn't be trying to give me a heads-up. He turned into a serial cheater and gaslighter. It was always 'everyone else's fault' and not his, and everyone just made up lies about him 'just because.'"
10."Dismissive behavior when I expressed my feelings. I thought it was just a rough patch, but it turned out to be a recurring pattern."
11."Mine happened on the very first date. He said he was late because he was having trouble finding parking. He later told me he actually walked to the place from his nearby apartment. Sure, we all make innocuous white lies, but all he did was lie the entire relationship."
12."Being stonewalled (having my messages/calls ignored) when he didn't want to talk through our issues, which resulted in him also gaslighting me."
13."Being told, he'd worried I wouldn't be 'intellectual' enough for him, but not to worry because I'd passed. My first thought at the time was 'bell-end.' Definitely should've trusted those instincts..."
14."He constantly talked down about other women. He would comment on their weight or the clothes they wore or criticize their tattoos, and as time went on, I was no different when it came to facing his ridicule. I learned a difficult and forever life-altering lesson with him."
15."He was an only child, and his mother babied him. Needless to say, I replaced that mothering role for him pretty quickly. I was so naive."
16."She literally tried to break up with me and told me she was bad for me, but I convinced her she wasn't. Turns out she was right. I was in that relationship for six years and married her. It was the most traumatic relationship of my life, and it took years of therapy to undo the damage. People will tell you who they are in many ways, and you need to listen."
17."He was rude (verbally abusive) toward his mum over something minor. Didn’t take him long to treat me the same over minor things, only even worse."
18."Relentless pursuit after I rejected him. We are taught to think that pursuit means they are interested in us and that it’s romantic to be chased. But really, it’s a red flag that highlights their inability to respect the word 'no.' After five years of an emotionally abusive relationship, I always pay attention to that."
19."The fact that he only seemed to show love or affection through gifts/financial things. It turns out the entire relationship was based on manipulation, financial abuse, and control. Took a lot of work to unfuck that situation."
20."I was 19, he was 24, not a huge gap, but as they say —there's a reason girls his age don't want to date him."
21."After meeting my friends for the first time (both male and female), he said he doesn't like how I am with my friends. He only likes how I am with him. It rubbed me the wrong way at the time, but years later, I understood it was a big red flag. If a partner can't accept all facets of you, they don't accept you fully as a person."
22."Hitting me with the silent treatment if he disapproved of me or what I was doing."
23."Jealousy. If they are accusing you of cheating on them and you’re not, there are only two possible explanations: They are immature and aren't ready to be in a committed relationship, or they're the ones cheating and are projecting. Both are valid reasons to end the relationship."
What relationship red flags did you wish you had paid attention to? Let us know in the comments! You can also fill out this form if you prefer to remain anonymous. Your response may be featured in a BuzzFeed Community post!
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
