28 Painful Wake-Up Calls That Convinced People To Exit Their Marriages Once And For All
We recently covered this Reddit thread from u/tippytoes1216, which asked, "When did you realize you married the wrong person?" We then gave divorced BuzzFeed Community members a chance to share their own stories, resulting in this heartbreaking post. People continued to share their POVs in the comments, so we also decided to feature their stories. Here's what they revealed:
1."He moved into my townhouse about a month before the wedding (we'd been engaged about a year). He was angry shortly after he moved in because he wanted to rearrange the townhouse's basement and turn it into his 'man cave.' This was a modest three-level townhouse I'd lived in for a decade with my two kids from a previous marriage. The frustration about not getting his man cave boiled over a few weeks after the wedding (and there was no honeymoon). He told me that he needed space to get away from me and the kids sometimes and that I disgusted him."
—Anonymous
2."I was recovering from my fibroids surgery and was feeling so weak for two weeks. I asked him to make some food for me because I couldn’t keep eating the soup I’d had for a few days. He didn’t know how. I’d been cooking for him for six years at that point. That’s when I knew. Soon after my surgery, when the conversations about having a child became more persistent, I couldn’t imagine staying with someone who couldn’t feed me properly after surgery. So, I shut down and planned my exit. It broke me that I cared for him for so many years, but he couldn't step up when I needed him the most. Today, I’m with someone who helps me without me asking. I’m so much happier."
—Anonymous
3."I realized I was married to the wrong man when I was pregnant with our firstborn child. He'd told me that he felt like god was telling him to tell me to read two chapters of the Bible to my unborn child every single day. One night, while in bed, he asked if I read the chapters that day, and I said no. He told me to get up and read to the unborn child. I told him I was tired and that he could do it. He told me he didn't need to do it because I needed to do it. I told him the baby needed to hear his voice, and he could quote the chapters since he knew the Bible so well. He continued to say no because god 'wanted me to do it.'"
"I kept telling him how tired I was and that I didn't feel like skipping one day would hurt, and he started to nudge me out of our really high bed. I was visibly pregnant with our firstborn and on the verge of tears, yet he was still pushing and nudging against me to get out of bed and read to our child. I was able to get out of his reach, and I got down on the step stool next to the bed, went to the living room, and cried. He didn't apologize or console me. He didn't read the two chapters to the unborn child. Instead, he said, 'I find it interesting that you don't even want to read the Bible to your child.'"
—Anonymous
4."I knew before getting married. I was fond of him but not in love. We argued on the way to our honeymoon. Several years later, when I was in labor with our daughter, he was tired and went home to eat and sleep. I remained in the hospital for 31 hours of labor. He made it back in time for the birth. I left him three years later."
—Isobel S., Facebook
5."While on the first day of our honeymoon, I suffered a medical condition that left me unable to drink or eat for three days. While I was quietly freaking out inside, she was more concerned that I had ruined her honeymoon and that she'd have to go out to the pool alone. To top it off, in the end, she called me selfish."
—Paul D., Facebook
6."I knew it wouldn't work when my mother-in-law kept telling me that men from his dad's side never stayed married to their first wife, and he never told her to shut up. He let her constantly say cruel things that upset me and saw nothing wrong with it but called me a 'snobby bitch' for being offended or wanting better treatment."
—Taylor L., Facebook
7."When I came out of the hospital after being sterilized, which HE insisted on, and he wanted sex that night. I was still bleeding, so I refused. He replied, 'Fine, if you don't do it, I'll go and find someone who will,' and he left to go out drinking. I don't think he cheated on me that particular time, but I know he did on others."
—Jan J., Facebook
8."He was standing at the bar with his friends during our reception. I ran up to get him to dance with me, and he poured beer down my dress. I spent the entire night dancing with my friends and family, except for ONE dance."
—Krista B., Facebook
9."When he came into the living room and announced that the great love of his life was the affair partner who he cheated on his first wife with. He told me all about her: her name, where she lived, and how wealthy she was (and how if I were that wealthy, I’d be almost perfect). I had also just caught him on a dating site where he said he was just window shopping. I realized then that he was utterly incapable of having a real relationship and was still mentally 17 at 45. I left."
—Anonymous
10."Five months into a later-in-life marriage (both in our 50s), my Valentine's Day present was his lawyer's card and the demand that I move out by the end of the week. Previously, I had moved back to my hometown from another state and gave away most of my household furnishings at his request. He never said why until I asked him 15 years later. He thought I was cheating because I was on the Internet every day. But I was preparing for a new job as a teacher, which was something totally new to me. Yes, I convinced him to work on a marriage, but 18 years later, he got his wish. This time, I said yes to the divorce. I left virtually everything with him and his lawyer with questionable ethics. But I am so happy to be starting over in a totally new environment, on my own, with a small group of nice, new friends."
—Anonymous
11."So many red flags. I told him about the abuse from my past, and he said, 'Are you sure you didn't do something to deserve it?' WHAT??? While we were dating, two years into the relationship. he told me, 'I don't know if I will ever love you.' When I was diagnosed with cancer and going through chemo, he said, 'You look like a little old man. I can't stand to see you like this. At least go put a wig on.' He only came to two chemo appointments with me. I had to drive myself. On my last chemo, a celebration, he wouldn't even come. He had to go hunting and said, 'It's the first day of the season and I may never get to go again.' After we got married, four years into marriage and three days before my birthday, he said, 'I have a son I never told you about.' He cheated on me and had a disabled 9-year-old son. He has never told his parents about the child either."
"He never apologized for anything. Everything is always my fault. No matter what I tell him is bothering me or how he has hurt me, he laughs and says, 'It will make you a stronger person.' I am currently in counseling, and he will not go with me to work on our marriage. He is the reason I am there. I bought our house, and he will not leave. I've asked for a divorce, and he just laughs and says no. I work a different shift, so I don't spend much time with him."
—Anonymous
12."I ignored a lot of red flags and married him anyway. But when we got on the cruise ship for our honeymoon, he lost his absolute mind because I couldn't remember a password to get my phone onto the WiFi. We hadn't even left port yet. I was sick the rest of the trip (it wasn't seasickness, as I don't experience that), and he later told me how messed up it was that we barely got intimate during our honeymoon. I was six months postpartum at the time. My pelvic floor is still different, and that baby turns 3 in four days! I experienced diarrhea on a cruise ship with a man who berated me for the first 30 minutes of our honeymoon over a password. Not even close to the worst of the red flags, though."
—Samantha T., Facebook
13."I was sick in the hospital recovering from surgery. He couldn't handle the stress of me being hospitalized for so long. He started yelling at me, asking what my plan was to get out of the hospital, and he yelled at me to stop acting so helpless. He said it was embarrassing that the nurses told him to encourage me to walk more. When I got home from the hospital, he was all sad that I didn't seem interested in him and that we hadn't had sex for a couple of weeks. He said he had needs, too. I knew I wanted a divorce then, but I accidentally got pregnant a few months later, so I stuck it out and tried to make it work. He filed for divorce after meeting someone at work. He's still miserable and throws tantrums at me every chance he gets. Now I'm with someone who wouldn't dream of acting that way with the mother of his child."
—Anonymous
14."I got sun poisoning and was very sick on our honeymoon in Hawaii. My former husband left me alone in the hotel, vomiting and with chills, to go to Pearl Harbor. Then, on the way back to California, he made a stop to see his old girlfriend. Sad."
—Anonymous
15."I kept thinking that all you hear about is how marriage takes work, but that I could do this. In my mind, I had to know that I tried every last thing to make it work so I wouldn't have any lingering doubts or regrets (for my own peace of mind and to have a clear conscience if/when my son asked me in the future). We finally decided to take three weeks apart to see how we felt. The night before our 1-year-old son and I were supposed to return home so my husband and I could have our 'big talk,' he casually mentioned how he was really busy with work and that it might be easier if I came home the next weekend. That's when I knew he didn't care if I ever returned. It was like taking a bullet to the chest, but I was at a family party and couldn't react."
"I went home the next day anyway, and he was so surprised that we were there that he actually thought someone was breaking in. He went out the basement door to investigate before thinking it could have been his wife and child arriving home."
16."We met in college. I got him through several tough classes. They were online and I was doing his work and my own. I should have known better then, but I hoped he’d grow up and be an actual partner. I knew it was totally over when I’d been accepted to a really competitive law program, but he told me he didn’t want me to go because he didn’t want to be with someone more educated than him. I threw my ring at his head, walked out the door with our dog, and never looked back. That was the best decision ever."
—Anonymous
17."When my mom died and he didn’t say one word to console me. Instead, he talked about how my siblings and I no longer had anyone in our lives to comfort us. He never hugged me, even when he looked at me while I was crying my eyes out. Then, on top of that, he did not attend the funeral."
—Anonymous
18."It was during the ceremony. As we kissed, I thought to myself, 'I've made a mistake.' There had been SO many red flags, with more to come. After about a year, I realized that if I wanted things to change, I'd have to be the one to change them. One night, after arguing, I suggested he go. He reached up to the closet shelf for one of my suitcases, and I said, 'No, take yours. And leave your keys.' He did. In the days that followed, I didn't even cry. I was so empty. I got over the whole situation relatively quickly."
—Anonymous
19."Right after we were married, we went to the beach. I pulled my hair out of my face with a headband. He said, 'You don’t have the face for that look.' I responded, 'I don’t understand. Are you saying I need my hair to cover my face? It sounds like you don’t like my face?' He refused to respond. I knew then I shouldn’t be married to him, but I spent 32 more years with him. The abuse got worse and worse over time. He would call me names daily, hit me, and worse. I am grateful to be alive, divorced, and happy at 55!"
—Anonymous
20."After we had children, things slowly began to change. She would disparage me in front of them, calling me every name in the book. She caught me in a small lie once and forced me to kneel in a corner in front of the children. There was no pleasing her no matter what I did, and I turned to porn because there was never any intimacy. She never offered up any positive interactions or support. She became negative in every possible way, and I was never sure when she would go off on me next in front of the kids for the smallest of reasons. She even said that she never should’ve married me. I countered that and said we wouldn’t have had our great children if we were never married. She said she stood by that remark. I knew it was over, and we separated a week later. She’s continued to turn the kids against me in every possible way since. She is evil."
—Anonymous
21."I was having a long and difficult labor with our daughter, and he told me to hurry up because he had to go to work."
—Caroline J., Facebook
22."We had been married for about 18 years. When I was pregnant with our fourth child, my husband decided this was the time to start having an affair with a woman he had said was just a friend (she was married as well)! My husband's demeanor changed. It became all about him. It took until our fourth child was 1-and-a-half before I opened my eyes and realized what was happening. Conveniently, he left his cellphone at home the next day! It was all there on his phone. I also found emails, and it was pretty clear this had been going on for almost two years!"
—Anonymous
23."I was very sick on our honeymoon with a high-grade fever in a foreign country. My (now ex) husband went windsurfing."
—Ellen L., Facebook
24."My ex-husband only danced with me ONCE at our wedding reception, and it was the scheduled one. He literally never asked me again, just danced with some guests. WARNING WARNING WARNING 🚩🚩🚩."
—Suzanne P., Facebook
25."I think I really knew before the wedding even happened. I had to walk on eggshells with everything around him. I never knew what would set his temper off. I still went through with the wedding, but things quickly went downhill when he asked me to open our relationship. I found out that was code for 'I'm going to have sex with other women, and you're going to be okay with it or else.' He started seeing someone on the side, and I begged him to end it. They were getting emotionally involved, and that's not something we agreed on. He got angry and said I was 'standing in the way of his happiness.' During the process of us separating, he threatened to hurt me multiple times. And that's when I knew there was no saving this, and I needed to get away before things became violent. We were together a little over six years, married for less than one."
—Anonymous
26."When my dad passed away. Money was tight, and my parents lived in Florida. He did not want me to go to his funeral because flying was expensive. I pretty much made up my mind that I wanted out two weeks after the funeral. We had not been intimate for two weeks, and he explained to me he had been 'more than patient' for us to have sex."
—Anonymous
27."We dated for only a year before we got married, but he was amazing during this time. Two weeks before our wedding, I met his parents, who were awful to me. I wondered if I should call off the wedding, but he assured me he would always stick up for me and that he had never acted narcissistic like that in his life. The following day, on our honeymoon, he started yelling at me and became very passive-aggressive. I should have annulled it then, but he promised me it all had to do with nerves and that it wouldn't happen again."
"Fast forward 27 years. He never stood up for me or our kids when his parents were yelling at us or telling the kids what a waste of skin they were. Even though I had lost the use of my legs in a horrible accident, he had refused to sell our house, which is not wheelchair friendly, and I had to sleep on the couch. He expected me to work and contribute even though I was in intense pain. The passive-aggressiveness never stopped. I waited until the kids moved away for college and called it quits. I should have ended it much sooner, but I didn't know how to survive alone."
—Anonymous
28.And: "I married a widower with adult children a little over two years ago. We were both near retirement age when we married. I knew my marriage was off to a bad start when he said nothing about us during the reception. He never looked at me with a loving gaze during the wedding. He also wasn't honest about where we would live, so I ended up relocating after selling my home at a huge loss. He never showed any care or consideration for my feelings. I was very lonely, and he would totally ignore me. To make matters worse, his grown daughter insulted me about the wedding and said it was a mess because people were gossiping about the wedding ring her father gave me. She said it was her deceased mother's ring (I had no idea)."
"I also became very ill, and the same daughter told me that her dad 'probably hoped I would die' while in the hospital. It was a very stressful life. I realized he didn't care about me and was not concerned for my welfare. He would also gaslight me repeatedly when I asked that my feelings be considered. I am now going through a divorce and in counseling to work on getting over the trauma of that terrible marriage."
—Anonymous
When in your relationship did you realize you were with the wrong person? Was it before or after you got married? What happened? Tell your story in the comments or submit it anonymously using this form.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
