I was devastated to give up work to look after my children – but I had no choice

When Grace Townsend, 31, first found out she was expecting twins with her long-term partner, she was working as a high-earning estate agent in London. “I had worked hard for 10 years to create a career I loved,” she says. It also provided her with a comfortable lifestyle. “We’d go out to dinner regularly, take five or six holidays each year, and just enjoy a good work-life balance,” says Townsend.

But after moving back to Worcester to have her twin boys and be near family, Townsend has had to give up her career. The exorbitant cost of childcare, she says, simply made it financially unfeasible to carry on working. “I managed to get nursery places for the twins two days a week, but even with the Government’s free hours, we’d still pay £700 a month. I’d basically be working to pay for childcare.” Facing this reality, Townsend ultimately decided to leave her career to care for her children full-time.

She will not be the last to do so. Labour’s recent Budget set out plans to hike minimum wage and employer national insurance contributions, in turn pushing childcare providers to talk about raising fees to cover these costs. This has heightened worries among already stretched parents about how they might juggle working and having their children looked after in the months and years ahead.

Industry leaders warn that without additional support, nurseries have “no choice” but to pass on increased staffing costs to families, likely forcing yet more parents out of the workforce. Joeli Brearley, CEO of the charity Pregnant Then Screwed, says: “We’ve not only got a cost of living crisis; we’ve got a cost of working crisis that disproportionately impacts mothers.”

The financial impact on families is stark. Some 53 per cent of parents in England with children under five now spend more than a quarter of their household income on childcare, a 16 per cent increase from last year, according to a recent survey of 35,800 parents by Pregnant Then Screwed. And nearly one in five parents (19.2 per cent) spends more than half their household income on these expenses.

Triple the costs: When childcare makes work impossible

For Leila Green, 41, from Beckenham, south London, the numbers were even more overwhelming. Having spent years building her own book publishing business, she had to face the reality of giving it all up after having triplets. “I would have needed to earn £85,000 just to break even on childcare,” Green says. “I had no choice but to give up work. It felt devastating.” The decision not to return to work was especially difficult for Green, who had poured her heart and soul into her company. “When you’ve spent years building something, stepping back feels like losing a part of yourself.”

There are also longer term worries about what, if any, role she might be able to take on in the future once she feels ready to return to work. “I worry about what my career will look like in a few years,” Green admits. “The longer you’re out, the harder it is to get back in, especially when technology moves so quickly. It’s easy to feel out-dated. Also, many industries don’t accommodate part-time roles.”

It’s not just lack of part-time opportunities that create problems for working parents. Recent surveys suggest that employers are increasingly encouraging a return to office-based work over remote options. This shift poses new challenges for working parents who have relied on flexible arrangements to care for children at home while also working, or manage nursery and school drop-offs and pick-ups.

According to the 2024 State of the Nation childcare report, nearly 34 per cent of mothers in England are unable to return to work full-time due to the prohibitive cost and availability of childcare. The crisis does affect fathers too, albeit figures show to a much lesser extent, with 11.9 per cent of men reporting the same.

Meanwhile, 20 per cent of mothers say they are unable to pursue more senior roles because it would inevitably mean shelling out more on having their children looked after. Brearley warns that this trend has serious implications for gender equality in the workplace. “When women are forced to take prolonged career breaks or accept lower-paying part-time roles, it reinforces the pay gap and limits women’s opportunities,” she says. “The reality is that the gender gap won’t close unless we address the childcare crisis.”

A career on hold

Sarah Ockenden, 41, from Coventry, says setting her career aside wasn’t an easy decision. Before her youngest child was born, Ockenden worked in adult education and family learning, carefully tailoring her career to align with school holidays and term times so she could be present for her two older children, aged 14 and 18. “I always found a way to make it work,” she says. But the arrival of her youngest, now two, made it financially unviable to carry on working.

“After looking at the costs, I realised I’d be working just to cover the childcare fees, with nothing left to contribute to our household,” she explains. Now, Ockenden stays home full-time, but the decision has come at a cost. “I miss the independence and security that comes with having a job. There’s a sense of vulnerability that’s hard to shake when you’re relying entirely on someone else’s income,” she says. The shift has taken a toll on her mental health. “I worked so hard for my qualifications and to build a career, and now it feels like all of that is just on hold.”

Ockenden has recently begun building a business venture, working on emails and administration whenever her son naps or plays. But the uncertainty remains. “I’m always being pulled in two directions, and it’s exhausting,” she says. “It’s hard to see a clear path back to stable, employed work without affordable childcare.”

A luxury only a few can afford?

A recent report by Pregnant Then Screwed and Women In Data reveals the ripple effect these choices have on family wellbeing and the economy. One third of parents (33.6 per cent) say they can’t return to work full-time because of childcare costs or availability, while 52.5 per cent of mothers who have had an abortion cite childcare costs as a primary reason for terminating their pregnancy.

“We’re running out of babies,” warns Brearley. “The birth rate is in decline, and parents who want more children simply can’t afford to grow their families. If this continues, we’ll reach a point where becoming a parent feels like a luxury only a few can afford.”

The Government has pledged a reduction in childcare costs, but confidence in this plan is low. Only 35 per cent of parents in England agree that these schemes will make a meaningful difference to their families, with single parents and those from minority backgrounds even less optimistic. According to the Pregnant Then Screwed report, 90 per cent of parents don’t believe the Government’s promises will lead to real savings.

Despite giving up full-time employment, parents like Townsend, Green and Ockenden are finding ways to move forward. Townsend has started buying and reselling clothes and baby items on second-hand platforms like Vinted to bring in a bit of extra income. Green has meanwhile created a support community called the F--- Mum Guilt Movement, designed to help mothers find their footing in a society that often places impossible expectations on them.

“I want mums to know that it’s OK to choose family without feeling guilty about their careers,” she says. Green also has dipped her toe in the water of the working world as a freelance book coach. “With three two-year-old boys, it’s not exactly easy but I want to start to create a career for myself as a freelancer, as I don’t feel entering the job market as an employee is possible for me,” she says.

For Ockenden, the answer has been to start to set up a small tutoring business on her own terms, although she admits that balancing her son’s needs and her work has been challenging. “It’s still early days. I am not making money yet,” she says. “But I hope it’ll give me a sense of control and fulfilment and earn me money eventually.”

Brearley says it is clear the Government must act to bolster support for parents throughout the country, rather than risk heaping yet more pressure on the choices they face.

“The childcare crisis isn’t just a family issue; it’s a societal issue that affects everyone,” she says. “Until we find a sustainable solution, we’re forcing parents to make impossible choices that impact their families, careers, and futures. The Government needs to act before more parents are priced out of the workforce altogether.”