One mum’s advice for parents of new students
Dropping a child off at university is a bittersweet moment. I should know: I’ve delivered four daughters, across 10 years, to various universities across the UK. This has always been a poignant moment, but latterly, it’s become an occasion that’s also tinged with real worry. Why? Because over the last few years there’s been a growing tide of concern and calls for action over the number of incidents of sexual violence among students – and female students in particular.
University is still seen as a marker of success for many families – a stepping stone from the family home to a bright future, where everyone should feel safe, accepted and valued. But according to the most recent research, around one in five students has experienced unwanted sexual behaviour. Female students are more than twice as likely to experience sexual harassment as male students (27% vs 12%), and more than three times as likely to experience sexual violence (13% vs 4%).
Twice, my youngest daughter has been with friends who’ve had their drinks spiked and had to be taken to hospital by ambulance; another friend was sexually assaulted by a male housemate. When this friend summoned up the courage to go to the university authorities, she was directed to a male counsellor who, she says, completely failed to understand the fallout there would be in their shared house if she formally reported him. Result: having been one of the just one in 10 who reports sexual assault, she then became one of the 94% who doesn’t take it further.
How to stay safe at university
NUS vice president of liberation and equality Saranya Thambirajah says that if students ever experience sexual misconduct, “They should never be afraid to come forward.” While that hasn’t always been the case, times are changing, as new measures come in from autumn 2025 requiring universities to prove they’ve taken steps to prevent the abuses of power from which sexual violence can occur.
Until then, there are still reporting and support systems in place at universities across the country and, hopefully, increasing awareness and accountability for these to work more efficiently.
Prevent spiking
Saranya points out that worrying behaviours such as spiking drinks can happen in other settings as well as universities. The guidance traditionally given to women, however, can be problematic: “We can keep giving advice to women and girls to avoid being spiked: stick together, don’t accept drinks from strangers, never leave your drink unattended… but this just obscures the fact that if you’re a victim of spiking, it is never your fault.”
Many universities offer advice around staying safe on nights out, which includes warning students about the dangers and consequences of spiking the drinks of other people. While nobody wants to believe fellow students would think of doing this to a classmate, as my daughter’s friend discovered, you never know who could become a risk. Spiking could occur for sinister reasons, or simply because the person thinks it’s funny and they’re ‘just messing around’.
“Don’t add alcohol or drugs to anyone else’s drink. This is classed as spiking and is a criminal offence,” states Chester University’s Student Shout Out scheme. “It’s dangerous and can sometimes result in tragic consequences.”
This university, along with others, also gives out or sells anti-spiking drink covers, which can help protect cups and bottles from anything being dropped inside.
Ask for help
If students do fear they might have been spiked or feel uncomfortable on a night out, then they should: “Find someone [they] trust and tell them at the time – this could be a friend or someone who works at a venue,” says Chester University.
A nationwide scheme called Ask for Angela is also in place in many bars, meaning that if anyone doesn’t feel safe or isn’t sure how to ask for help from staff, they can ‘Ask for Angela’ as a discreet signal they need support.
Call out toxic behaviour
Other universities, such as the University of Cambridge, have dedicated advice on how to be an ‘active bystander’ and safely call out worrying behaviour in friends or classmates.
“Safely intervening could mean anything from a disapproving look, interrupting or distracting someone, not laughing at a sexist or a violent joke, or talking to a friend about their behaviour in a non-confrontational way to caring for a friend who’s experienced problematic behaviour,” explains the initiative. “Other times, it means asking friends, staff, or the police for help.”
It recommends the ABC approach:
“Assess for safety: If you see someone in trouble, ask yourself if you can help safely in any way. Remember, your personal safety is a priority – never put yourself at risk.
Be in a group: It’s safer to call out behaviour or intervene in a group. If this is not an option, report it to others who can act.
Care for the victim. Talk to the person who you think may need help. Ask them if they are OK.”
Find the safest way home
Many universities also run safe taxi schemes, enabling students to get home even if they’ve run out of money on a night out; and some offer loans of safety equipment, including personal alarms and devices that attach your phone to your clothing or bag so it can’t come loose. And, of course, this safety advice and equipment isn’t just for female students: male students are also vulnerable and parents worry as much about their boys as their girls.
Special phone services such as Strut Safe (0333 335 0026, available UK-wide on Fridays and Saturdays from 7pm-3am, and Sundays from 7pm-1am) also allow you to chat with a non-judgemental, DBS-checked volunteer who will stay on the phone with you while you walk to or from an event until you get there safely.
But remember…
If you’re a parent dropping off your offspring at university, talk to them about staying safe – and underline that you’ll always be there to talk if they have any worries or concerns. But for your own peace of mind, keep the messaging in perspective. Going to university is an incredibly exciting moment. It’s going to broaden your child’s horizons; it’s going to bring fun-filled times, and it’s going to give them brilliant memories that they’ll remember for ever. Danger exists everywhere and while we always need to be aware of it, we also need to make sure it doesn’t overshadow our enjoyment of living.
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