Why we chose to be one and done as birth rate falls to lowest ever
A mum has explained how financial pressures and health concerns have contributed to her decision to have only one child.
Alexandra Garrett, 27, a primary school teacher, from Belfast, Northern Ireland, had always wanted to be a mother and was over the moon when she found out she was expecting. "From an early age I said it was on the cards to have children," she explains. "If you'd have asked me what I wanted when I grew up - it would have been a mum and initially I thought I'd have one or two."
During her pregnancy, however, the mum-of-one struggled with health anxiety, and was so sick she couldn't keep food down for 24 weeks. She ended up admitted to hospital at 37 weeks with high blood pressure and had to have an emergency caesarian to welcome her daughter, Emilia, now 10 months.
The health anxiety Alexandra experienced both during and after pregnancy really played into their decision not to expand their family further. "When I was pregnant I didn't want to watch scary films in case it did something to her heart rate," she explains. "It was irrational things."
Following her experiences of pregnancy and birth Alexandra decided she didn't think she could have another child. "There is no way I could be a good mum to Emilia and have another child," she says. "I'd do it again for her a million times over but for another child I couldn't bring myself to do it."
After welcoming her daughter, Alexandra struggled with postpartum anxiety, and though she has now recovered after seeking help when Emilia was two months old, she has this has also had an impact on her and her husband's choice not to have another baby.
Finances are another contributing factor for the family choosing to stop at one child. "We're comfortable but we couldn't comfortably afford another child," Alexandra explains. "We wouldn't have the money to buy a four bed home." The couple also want to be able to fund trips and clubs for their daughter to take part in, which they say they wouldn't be able to do with another child.
The family are not alone in opting to have only one child, with government data recently revealing that the fertility rate in England and Wales has fallen to the lowest level since records began. According to new figures from the Office for National Statistics (ONS), the average number of children born to a woman over her lifetime stands at 1.44 children per woman in 2023, the lowest value since records began in 1938. The decline in fertility rates is most dramatic among women aged between 20 to 24 years old and 25 to 29 years old, the age bracket Alexandra falls into.
It isn't surprising that costs are having an impact on family size when you consider that the average amount of money spent on raising a child from birth to 18 in the UK – including housing and childcare costs – is £223,256. That works out at about £12,400 a year, or £1,030 a month, according to the latest research from investment platform Moneyfarm.
Despite smaller families becoming more common, Alexandra says she was surprised at the "controversial" reaction she received after sharing the couple's decision to stop at one child on social media. "People in the comments accused me of being selfish, of only thinking about myself, and some told me I should adopt," she says. "One said she hoped my husband left me for a less selfish women who would give my daughter half siblings. Another woman tagged me in videos of unhappy only children."
Alexandra believes the low birth rate in the UK is due to a number of factors, but said she believes women are now realising they do have a choice. "Being a mum-of-one doesn't make me any less of a mum," she says. "There is a lot of guilt that I'm not going to be able to give her siblings, but I just don't have it in me. I worry she will resent me for that, but I live in the now."
Having made their decision the couple say they are loving life as a family of three. "I don't think I could love another child like I love her," Alexandra continues. "I cant see that there would be room for another one. I love that we only have one child. I don't think her life is lacking because she doesn't have siblings. She may needs siblings but she needs her mum more. Why would I risk it?"
Read more about parenting:
Why British mums are not surprised by plummeting fertility rates (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)
Fears about falling birthrate in England and Wales are misplaced – the population is due to grow for years to come (The Conversation, 5-min read)
‘It's easy to get sucked into competitive parenting, but no one wins the baby race’ (Women's Health, 7-min read)
