I moved to Spain, got divorced, and was feeling lonely — until I found a new way to make friends
Dalia Goldberg moved to Spain with her husband in late 2018.
A few years later, she was going through a divorce and feeling overwhelmed and lonely.
She ended up making friends by joining an improv comedy group.
It's 9 p.m. I'm standing onstage, and the wooden tables spread across the crowded bar are packed with people. The lights are dimmed, and the air smells like yeast and hops. And Jennifer, one of the members of my improv group, is squawking like a duck.
There is something thrillingly hilarious about her impression. Flapping her wings and wagging her tail feathers manically, she somehow captures the very essence of duckishness. The crowd roars with laughter.
Later, I spin an impromptu romantic yarn about a mole. My friend Will becomes a frenetic sports pundit, belting out razor-sharp commentary with quick-fire energy. Alex, the host, warms up the crowd with witty banter, towering over us all in his brightly patterned shirt. Accents are thrown around at random. Pop culture references go every which way. There are no rules.
Two years ago, I couldn't have imagined that I'd be jumping around whimsically on this stage. Trapped in a struggling relationship and unsatisfied with my career, I constantly felt anxious and on edge. At a friend's wedding where I was asked to be a bridesmaid, my social anxiety was so intense that I had one too many glasses of wine and sat out most of the event.
I felt lonely after moving to Spain
The COVID-19 pandemic led to an uptick in loneliness around the world as lockdowns and travel restrictions kept people away from family and friends. And I was no exception.
In early 2020, I'd just spent my first year and a half in Seville, Spain. Plans to integrate, learn Spanish, and meet new people were interrupted by lockdowns and panic over new virus variants.
My husband and I moved to Spain thinking we'd travel around and enjoy a great quality of life while working remotely. Instead, with travel bookings canceled and meetups kiboshed, I settled into a rigorous work-from-home routine, interspersed with immigration paperwork and reading up on vaccines. I tried to keep in contact with friends in North America through video calls, but it just wasn't the same.
As a freelancer, my workload increased as companies around the world transitioned to remote work. I went from casually teaching English lessons online to launching a remote copywriting business, where it felt like I was answering emails 24/7. The stress and pressure, combined with the quirks of renting an old apartment and managing immigration paperwork, quickly became overwhelming.
As the time trickled by with no end in sight, I began to wonder what I was doing in Spain and questioned whether the move had been worth it. The gloominess on the news didn't help.
Eventually, my marriage succumbed to the pressure of these challenges and fell apart. I found myself starting a new life on my own in Spain. This was a scary time but also a welcome opportunity for a new beginning.
As I soon found out, the best antidote for stress and loneliness could be laughter.
Making new friends through improv
True to its name, improv comedy isn't scripted. It's a series of games where the players crack jokes, and the audience is invited to give suggestions. Everything happens for the very first time onstage ... so you could end up saying anything — no matter how ridiculous.
When I started taking improv classes in May 2023, I was recovering from the breakup and was curious about trying new things. I thought I'd take one or two classes, but ended up coming back every week.
In September of that year, The Improvites, a popular English-language professional improv group in Seville, held auditions. I decided to try out, and was excited to see that I got in.
Many members of The Improvites told me the activity boosted their confidence and helped them make new friends. Bob Rouf, a teacher and subtitler hailing from the UK and one of the group's founders, said it helped him beat social anxiety. "If you're an adult, you spend your time in drudgery, the grind, working — things get kind of heavy, you get worn down. But you do improv, and suddenly you're light again," he said.
Will, who's also from the UK, moved to Seville from northern Spain after his marriage broke down. He didn't know what to expect before he attended his first improv session but said he's so happy to have stepped outside his comfort zone. "Doing improv has led me to meet so many like minded people whom I've had such a good time with. I haven't laughed so much in years," he told me.
I've realized that improv is one of the few times I can let my inner child run free. Deep connections have formed, and I now feel empowered to let go and allow myself to be authentic — even in front of a crowd.
Got a personal essay to share about challenges faced while living abroad? Get in touch with the editor at akarplus@businessinsider.com.
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