On the most sexless day of the year – here’s how to buck the trend
So how will you be spending the rest of your Friday? A spot of gift-wrapping and a chaste early night? Or are you determined to prove the data experts wrong with a night of passion?
It seems extraordinary, but Friday Dec 15 has been dubbed the most “sexless day” of the year. A media-savvy young doctor, Dr Babak Ashrafi, worked out that it’s the date we have the least sex in the UK, based on his analysis of demand for sexual health services, like emergency contraception, the next day.
So why is Dec 15 such a turn-off? Blame freezing temperatures and festive stress, says sex and relationship expert Tracey Cox. “Most people wait for ‘perfect’ conditions for sex before they’ll make the effort. We’re cutting back on heating and who wants to get naked if it’s cold? We eat more during winter, so are carrying extra pounds, giving us even less incentive to expose our bodies. Plus we’re mostly in track-pants and fleeces: not the most flattering gear. Sure, it’s cosy to snuggle when it’s cold but it’s more a ‘comfy’ snuggle than one orchestrated to lead to sex.”
Guilty as charged. With my growing collection of shrugs and nighties, I may think I’m channelling my inner Claudia Cardinale (how else is a 50+ woman to have sex in a newish relationship?) but my partner would happily torch the lot.
But that’s not all. How many of us are aware of a little-known but compelling condition termed “winter vagina”, when the dry, cold air causes the genitals to enter “drought mode”?
‘Lack of moisture in the air’
According to Dr Ashrafi, who works as a doctor for Superdrug Online: “A drop in temperature can make skin and hair become dry and dehydrated, but not many people know that temperature change can also have an effect on your vagina.” A lack of moisture in the air is partly to blame, as well as heating being used more often indoors.
So what can we do to avoid this sex drought in winter? Personally, I recommend everyone invests in a cost-of-living-friendly, heated underblanket (“Dreamland’s Hunker Down Scandi Sherpa Underblanket is the best £100 I’ve ever spent,” a friend boasts) or a Game of Thrones-style Alaskan Husky heated throw.
It sounds a bit like cosplay, but experts advise that feeling pleasantly warm can mean a greater focus on outercourse – i.e. sex without penetration – rather than solely on the wham-bam-thank-you-maam moments. Always better for women.
During menopause a woman’s hormones go into free fall and night sweats can wreak havoc, making sexy time even less appealing. So if you need to sleep at different temperatures, wool bedding can meet both of your needs, making intimacy that bit more likely. Research conducted by Woolroom (thewoolroom.com) with Leeds University found that wool is 43 per cent more able to absorb excess humidity and moisture than polyester and 67 per cent more than feather or down duvets. “Or the Scandinavian sleep method, where you remake the bed, covering each half in its own single duvet, allows the menopausal spouse to have a thinner single duvet than her partner,” says Ebla Salvi, co-founder of aromacology-based sleep brand Voca.
As for the poor winter vagina sufferer – anyone else remember the episode of Sex and the City where Charlotte has a “depressed vagina”? – now is not the time to be coy about lubricant. Like many women, I owe everything I know about mature love to women’s hormone specialist Dr Marion Gluck, who introduced us to Estriol cream and Vagifem (quick, easy solutions that you carry in your handbag and apply just before lift-off). My cool young millennial friends are amazed our generation didn’t cotton on to the power of lubricant earlier.
“If the room is hot and we’re wearing more layers, the genitals might well heat up more than usual, making them feel irritated,” says Cox. “All is easily fixed by wearing breathable fabrics and using lube or a vaginal moisturiser if you start to feel dry.”
Doctors recommend taking warm rather than hot showers, which remove moisture from the skin. Shorter showers are better because excessive showering can disrupt the body’s natural bacteria. And aim for an emollient body wash (my favourite, Hope’s Relief, recommended by a top genito-urinary health specialist no less, contains shea butter and goat’s milk) as scented bath products can strip the skin of natural oils and cause dryness and irritation in your intimate areas.
We might also want to challenge our sex script. There’s an assumption that couples can only be intimate after 9pm, but actually it’s quite a modern idea that we sleep in the same bed every night. You might find it more romantic to meet up for sex, then part ways for the rest of the night.
Having your own space can make you feel more sensual than lying cramped besides your partner. “If you don’t have a spare room, you could have a sofa bed in the lounge to retreat to,” says sleep guru Alison Francis.
And make sure you get outside. December’s shorter days mean less time out in daylight, which can impact our cardiac rhythm – the intricate bodily processes that determine our sleep and wake patterns. Less sunlight exposure results in lack of Vitamin D which makes you feel tired and torpedoes your sex drive.
To help you get in the mood, a good brisk walk is a lifesaver, according to sleep physiologist Guy Meadows, co-founder of Sleep School: “It will boost your serotonin levels, which improves the quality of your sleep and also boosts your mood.” Studies have shown that exercise improves symptoms of stress and exhaustion, and increases blood flow to the genitals – triggering a rise in libido.
Ultimately, it’s all too easy to put our sex life on hold, warns Dr Gluck. “Everyone is fed up and can’t wait to reset in January. There are no more expectations at the end of the year, so couples think: why bother?”
But if pleasure can become your joint project for December, with a little ingenuity and a Scandi underblanket, then hurrah for that.
