How we met: ‘We connected in a chat room, lost touch – then found each other 10 years later’
Living in a remote, mountainous region of Tennessee during her teenage years, Alicia remembers feeling lonely. “My parents were missionaries and we moved around a lot,” she says. “I come from a conservative Christian background and didn’t go to school, so my upbringing was very different from that of other kids my age.” By 1997, she had started “trawling the internet for friends” and connecting with people across the world. “There was a website called Key Pals that was like an online connection platform. It gave you basic details and email addresses of other people who had registered.”
She sent emails to lots of kids her age, including Tola, a young girl living in London. “My parents were software engineers and quite progressive about encouraging us to use the internet,” says Tola. “I was regularly using chatrooms.” She responded to Alicia quickly, telling her about a holiday she was taking to the Six Flags Over Georgia theme park in Atlanta. “I thought it was close to where she was living, but in reality it was miles away,” she says.
They bonded quickly over their love of reading, and Tola sent her a handwritten letter. “We’d talked about the difference between American and British sweets, so she sent me some chewing gum,” says Alicia. They emailed consistently over the next few years, before losing touch when Tola went to university.
Alicia went on to live in Honduras with her family before training as a nurse and moving to Atlanta. Tola stayed in London and got married, building a career in journalism, PR and modelling. In 2010, they reconnected on Facebook, after Alicia found her profile online. “Tola’s profile picture was of her in a wedding dress with long braids. I thought, ‘Oh my God, she’s all grown up’”, she says. “I was in awe of her modelling pictures. She was so leggy and sophisticated.”
Tola was delighted to catch up again, despite going through a negative patch in her life. “I’d lost a baby and got divorced. I was going through a period of drinking and partying.” She shared what was going on with Alicia, who was incredibly supportive. “She really listened to me and was non-judgmental.”
They stayed in touch online over the next few years. Alicia moved to Los Angeles and started a family, while Tola took a sabbatical to work at a ski resort. In 2016, Tola went to the Coachella festival in California with friends, and the pair decided to meet in person for the first time. “We had only seen pictures of each other and never even had a video call,” says Tola. “I was so nervous, it felt like a first date.”
Alicia admits she was equally nervous, but as soon as they began chatting, the conservation flowed naturally. “We had such a fantastic time,” she says. After that they stayed in touch on WhatsApp, sharing every aspect of each other’s lives.
“I knew I wanted to visit her family,” says Tola. “I’d found it too hard to be around people who have kids when I first lost the baby, but I’d always loved children. Alicia has two daughters and I really wanted to spend time with them.” Although Alicia’s husband was “a bit unsure” at first, they planned for Tola to visit them for a week in LA in 2018. “He wasn’t sure because we’d only met in person once, but he ended up getting on really well with her,” says Alicia. “One day I went out with Tola and we spoke for hours about religion. She is Christian and I’m now agnostic after a conservative upbringing. But it didn’t matter that we had different perspectives on it.”
Callout
A year later, Alicia moved to North Carolina for a nursing job at a university. Tola continued modelling, wrote a book, and began working for a Christian media brand as a creative director. In 2021, she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. “I’d moved from London to Cheltenham by then, but was going back and forth for treatment.”
Alicia says it was a challenging time. “I’d only met her in person twice, but I was trying to figure out if I could fly there. I felt very helpless.” Thankfully, Tola made a good recovery and, now that she is in remission, the pair are hoping to meet up again.
Alicia says that although their lives have been completely different, they have “always fascinated each other”. “There’s a very organic and comfortable camaraderie that we have. Our friendship is really open and receptive, we listen to each other and always want to know what is going on in each other’s lives.”
Tola describes her friend as steadfast. “I’ve had a lot of friends that come and go, but she feels like a constant,” she says. “Nothing will shock Al – she’s hard to impress and she’s hard to offend. I love how open she has been to receiving me and all my craziness in her life.”
