How to feel less lonely if you’re spending Christmas alone

Laura Hampson and Marie-Claire Dorking
Updated ·7-min read
A Caucasian woman is indoors in her living room. There is a Christmas tree in the background. The woman is wearing warm clothing. She is sitting on the couch and looking sad because she is alone on Christmas day.
More than a third of Brits could be spending Christmas alone this year. (Getty Images)

Christmas can be the most wonderful time of the year, but for some it can also be the most lonely. The festive season places a strong emphasis on spending time with family and friends, yet when the big day itself rolls around, many people can end up spending it alone.

Recent research has found almost half of Britons say they experience loneliness during the festive period, and more than a third (36%) will be spending Christmas apart from loved ones this year. Further data from Age UK's ‘You are not alone in feeling lonely’ report found that one million older people say they are more isolated at Christmas than any other time of the year.

"There can be an expectation around the festive season that we are supposed to be surrounded by friends and family, in a whirlwind of social activities," therapist Amanda Macdonald explains. "However, this isn’t the case for everyone. In fact, sometimes, even when we are with others, feelings of loneliness can still appear."

Macdonald adds that, while many people feel lonely throughout the year, these feelings can be intensified during the Christmas period. "We see images of happy families on TV, and people may idealise Christmases from years gone by," she adds. "The shorter days and bad weather can also add to the feelings of isolation."

Woman at home for Christmas, sitting on sofa in front of Christmas tree feeling lonely. (Getty Images)
one million older people say they are more isolated at Christmas than any other time of the year. (Getty Images)

If you already know you'll be alone this festive season, make connections with others in different ways. "Christmas is a great time to contact people you may not have spoken to for a while, which could involve simply writing a card, a text, or giving an old friend a call," says Macdonald.

If you can't be with the people you want to see in person on the day itself Caroline Abrahams, CBE, charity director at Age UK suggests arranging a time for a phone or video call.

To combat feelings of loneliness on the day itself, Macdonald suggests making a plan so you know exactly what you’ll be doing and will have less of a chance to feel lonely. "It doesn’t need to be doing any of the things usually associated with Christmas if you don’t want to, but instead the things that you want to do," she says. "Plan what film to watch, or a new book to read. If it’s possible, schedule a call with friends or family."

Make Christmas Day as comfortable as possible. "Wear something that you feel happy in, whatever that is – a ball gown, or simply your favourite PJs," says Macdonald.

Abrahams suggests treating yourself to something you enjoy. "Think of ways to pass the time, cook or bake, have nice food and do things you enjoy like pampering yourself watching your favourite programmes or doing your favourite hobbies like starting a new book," she says.

Remember, Christmas is just one day. "The new year is around the corner, so making plans for the year ahead could help to take the focus off the day itself," Macdonald adds.

Age UK’s Telephone Friendship Service, which matches older people with a volunteer who shares similar interests so they can really get to know each other through weekly calls. Age UK volunteers made over 11,000 minutes’ worth of Telephone Friendship Calls on Christmas Day and Boxing Day alone last year.

"The Silver Line Helpline, founded by Dame Esther Rantzen, is also free and available 24 hours a day, including Christmas Day, for any older person who would like a friendly chat," advises Abrahams.

If you don't want to be alone, plan to attend a local get together. There will likely be Christmas dinners planned in your community, church services to attend, meet up events and/or charity support groups taking place locally.

Going for walk and getting outside is a good idea on Christmas Day. "Walking in nature provides the most mental health benefits but it can also be good to share a greeting and engaging with other walkers," advises Abrahams. "Take in the sounds, smells and sights around you. Just the physical activity alone can give your mood a boost."

Mature man at home texting on his cell phone on Christmas Eve and using reading glasses - holiday season concepts
Be sure to contact friends and family if you can on Christmas Day for a sense of connection. (Getty Images)

While Christmas can exacerbate feelings of loneliness, according to recent government statistics, around 6% of people in the UK – or 3 million people – feel lonely "often" or "always".

"If you want to feel less lonely in general, then the first step is to get a sense of what your own needs are for connection," Macdonald says. "Everyone has a different level of how much connection they need, so knowing what is right for you will enable you to then make steps towards maintaining that in your life."

She adds that, once you have an understanding of what your needs for connection are, then you should consider this and take time to look at who you already have in your life that can offer that. "There are also many ways to form new connections within your community, either in person or online, perhaps by taking up a new hobby, or joining an exercise class," she adds.

You could also consider face-to-face befriending. "Befriending services are the most frequently provided services designed to manage or reduce feelings of loneliness," explains Abrahams. "If talking on the phone is not your preference, consider looking into local befriending schemes. Services will often involve a volunteer befriender visiting you in your home, perhaps for a cup of tea and a chat, or accompanying you to an activity (such as a trip to a cafe or the theatre)."

Signs that it's time to talk to an expert about your loneliness may include the following, according to Macdonald:

  • Becoming withdrawn from friends or family

  • Being more irritable or short-tempered

  • Noticing changes to sleep patterns

  • Eating more or less than usual

  • Finding it difficult to stop worrying

  • Having thoughts or plans to hurt yourself

  • Having thoughts or plans to end your life. This is an emergency, and you should seek immediate medical support.

"This isn’t an exhaustive list, and sometimes there might just be a sense of not really feeling like yourself," says Macdonald. "By making an appointment with a medical professional, you can describe how you’re feeling, and get started on the journey to getting back to being you."

If you are in need of support, you can call the Samaritans day or night, 365 days a year for free on 116 123 or visit www.samaritans.org to find your nearest branch. Mind's helpline is 0300 123 3393, their email address is info@mind.org.uk and their website is www.mind.org.uk.

If you think you may be suffering from mental health problems, you are also advised to speak to your GP.

Age UK has recently launched its Christmas campaign Together we are not alone, calling for urgent donations from the public to support older people during Christmas and throughout the year.

Read more about mental health at Christmas:

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