‘After nine years together my husband agreed to a polyamorous relationship’
A woman has shared how asking her husband to be polyamorous was the best decision she's ever made and has improved her relationship.
Urban Dictionary defines being polyamorous as "the state of having multiple sexually or romantically committed relationships at the same time, with the consent of all partners involved".
Alice Lovegood, 29, a sex educator from Bristol, has always felt that her life was missing something as she longed for an emotional and sexual connection with more than one person.
Thankfully, having discussed polyamory with her husband, Matthew Lovegood, 32, Alice was excited to learn that he was ready to go on that journey with her.
"I feel like I've always been polyamorous, but I never really understood what that meant or had a word for it, or that it was even a viable option," she explains.
"Then I started to learn more about polyamory as an option," she continues.
"I finally identified with people so I spoke to my husband and after communicating about the idea we opened up to it.”
After nine years together, early last year, the couple took the leap to become polyamorous, having discuss how they would navigate their relationship.
They decided that opening themselves up to others was okay as long as communication, consent and care were upheld throughout.
Initially Matthew was reluctant to the idea of an open relationship, but said he was willing to try it to support his wife.
Thankfully, he is now fully onboard and enjoying their polyamorous life.
Alice explains how she lets her dating life flow naturally as she meets people she likes rather than using dating apps to find mates.
The couple set a list of boundaries and limits in the early stages including only having casual relationships rather than developing deeper feelings and making sure to always use protection.
While their decision to explore polyamory has brought up a lot of challenges such as jealousy, after discussing the issues, the couple have found it has helped them grow together.
"It's put us in a position where because we're choosing each other every single day, we have to turn up," she explains.
"You make more effort in nourishing the connection that you have and ensuring that you have quality time and space to communicate your feelings and address them, because if you don't, then it's not going to work."
The couple now say they are able to enjoy the aspects of freedom, but also the security that comes with dating whilst also in a long-term relationship.
"When you're in a poly situation, you don't necessarily need someone to fulfil every part of you," Alice continues. "They're enough as they are and what they provide is enough because you understand that you can have different needs met by different people, just like you would friends."
Having become a fundamental part of who she is Alice says returning to monogamy is not something she would be able to do.
"I always thought that there was something wrong with me because I desired connection with more than one person," she explains.
"But I feel like this is integral to who I am.
"We're raised in a monogamous society and we have only ever experienced monogamy, so it's difficult to understand how you would feel about certain things until you do those things," she continues.
"As we both felt reassured and more secure we decided to reduce the amount of boundaries and we now have complete autonomy over our decisions to be with others but communicate and discuss these regularly.
"I currently have two 'friends' who are more than that but they’re not 'girlfriends'," Alice says. "We are intimate together and I have a very deep connection with them.
"We like to take every relationship as it comes and let them develop alongside our own relationship and that’s really working for us at the moment."
Additional reporting Caters
Polyamory: Read more
Polyamorous married couple say sex with others has brought them closer: 'Humans aren’t made for monogamy' (Yahoo Life UK, 4-min read)
Can polyamorous relationships really work out long-term? (Huff Post, 3-min read)
I'm polyamorous—I love my boyfriend and girlfriend, but the jealousy can be difficult (Yahoo Life UK, 8-min read)
