21 Pieces Of Marriage Advice That Should Be Put In A Relationship Manual ASAP
Recently, Reddit user u/crazyplantladyxo asked the question, "What is the best marriage advice you have for newlyweds?"
Here are some of the top-voted responses:
1."Resentment is the silent relationship killer. If you feel it, talk about it, and be ready to act if your partner feels it. Once resentment hits a certain point, there's no recovery."
2."If you ever find yourself struggling to connect with your partner when they are struggling with something, ask them which of the five they need right now: attention, affirmation, advice, assistance, or action. It's a stereotype, but it's true that men in relationships with women tend to want to jump straight to action when all they might actually need is for you to just listen, nod your head, and give them a hug."
3."Marriage is a team sport. It's you and your spouse on one team, and everything and everyone else on other teams. Sometimes multiple teams play together and sometimes teams play in opposition, but in everything, it's you plus your spouse. This is especially true when it's you against your family or friends (the fastest way to divorce is allowing your parents, in-laws, or friends to make decisions for your team) or when it's you against a problem (the second fastest way to a divorce is to approach any given problem as if your spouse is your opponent instead of the problem itself)."
4."It's also important to remember you're a team if/when you ever have kids. It’s you and your spouse against the enemies. Tiny, adorable, helpless enemies determined to suck every ounce of energy from you."
5."Understand that love is an ebb and flow. Some days you won’t feel so in love with your partner, and that’s OK. This is normal in long-term relationships, and it passes with the right person."
6."Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than people shit-talking their partner in public. It's one thing to tease and playfully poke fun at each other's foibles with friends. But the dirty laundry must be aired privately in a safe and supportive environment. I hate seeing someone get publicly embarrassed by their partner."
7."Don't shame your partner for walking away when their emotions are getting too high. They may not be ignoring you or dismissing you, but trying to wrangle their emotions."
8."They're not a mind reader: Whatever you expect, whatever is on your mind, spell it out clearly."
9."There is a time for honesty, but right before bed, a movie, or a big event is NOT the right time."
10."Throughout marriage, you and your partner with inevitably change over time. It is important to make a conscious effort to adjust and change together. Be flexible and learn to bend some as rigidity leads to breaking."
11."Any qualms we've ever had usually stemmed from one of us not communicating effectively. We've had our fair share of arguments like any couple; we've just gotten a lot better over the years at working past them and not holding grudges."
12."Something I learned after 25 years: 'Tell me what you think I said.' So many fights happened because he 'heard' something other than what I said. Hearing is NOT the same as listening."
13."Marriage counseling. Seriously. Even if you think nothing’s wrong. It helps with communication, keeping trust, and intimacy."
14."As someone who is divorced and made mistakes, however stressful things get, never get your in-laws involved in your arguments."
15."In addition to the attachment styles, learn their love language and make an effort to show them your love in their own language, not just yours. Maybe you're not that into gifts or cuddling, but it could mean the difference between your partner feeling cherished or ignored."
16."You don’t have to do everything together; explore your own interests. Time to yourself is good and allows you to enjoy the things you do together."
17."Don't ever stop falling in love and dating your partner. Keep doing the stupid things that made you laugh until your stomach hurt. Be kids together well into your older years because it will remind you why you started this journey in the first place."
18."Do relationship check-ins when things are going well (usually during times of upcoming transition for us), not just when there are problems. That way, you catch the small things that can begin to snowball into bigger things."
19."Vocalize joy. My wife and I constantly just blurt out 'happy' when we are enjoying a good moment."
Same sex couple in pajamas hold their baby son and enjoying time spent together at home
20."People hate 'planning' sex because they feel like it should be spontaneous and carefree, and like you just shouldn’t be able to keep your hands off each other because that’s what they see in movies, but in reality, we are busy! If we don’t communicate about it, it’s likely to be put off. Not because we don’t want to have sex — life just gets in the way. You go to bed, and it’s like, 'Should we do it tonight? No, I'm too tired. Maybe tomorrow.' And if you’re not careful, it can keep going like that. Communication lets you both know what to expect and allows everyone to get in the right headspace. Sex is more frequent and, in my opinion, better when you talk about it."
21."I've been married for 20 years. It's about really listening and sharing a sense of humor. And also knowing that the other person's intentions are good, even if they aren't perfect."
Do you have other tips for newly married couples? Share them in the comments below!
Responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
