Man Wants to Skip Family’s ‘Impersonal’ Gift Swap: ’I Love Spending Time Picking Out Something Thoughtful'
The Redditor says that his brother — who "can be very controlling" — suggested a White Elephant exchange this year instead of personalized gifts
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Man holding gift (stock image)One man might bail on his family’s Christmas gift swap this year, and he's worried it will cause significant tension among his relatives.
The 22-year-old took to Reddit’s “Am I the A------" forum to explain that his older brother, Dax, 24, recently suggested that their family do a White Elephant gift exchange instead of personalized gifts this year. The poster also explained that — gifting aside — the holidays are already going to be “weird this year” because his family won’t all be together on Christmas day.
“Dax is spending the holiday with his in-laws, wife, and kids [...] I’ll be with my mom, stepdad, my partner, and grandma. We’re planning to get together sometime after Christmas so we can all see each other, but it’s not the same,” he wrote.
He then went on to explain a new idea that his brother proposed for holiday gifting, noting that Dax was “really excited” about it.
“He wants us all to spend $50 on a single gift, wrap it in neutral wrapping paper, and then do a gift swap. The way it works is the first person picks a gift, and each person after can either pick a new gift or 'steal' an opened one. At the end, the first person gets one last chance to swap with anyone if they want,” the original poster (OP) wrote.
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Christmas gifts under a tree (stock image)However, the Redditor says he doesn’t personally like the idea, sharing that he feels like it takes the thoughtfulness out of gift-giving.
“To me, Christmas isn’t about receiving gifts; it’s about giving them,” he wrote. “I love spending time picking out something thoughtful for each person, something I think will genuinely make them happy. Seeing their reactions means a lot to me. This ‘one gift swap’ thing just feels too impersonal and, honestly, kind of corporate.”
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The OP then asked the Reddit community if he would be an “a------” if he tells his brother that he will not be participating in the White Elephant and will instead continue to buy personal gifts for each family member.
In an edit to the original post, the Reddit user clarified that while he doesn’t want to participate in a White Elephant specifically, he would be open to a traditional Secret Santa exchange in which he has the opportunity to shop thoughtfully and intentionally for a specific person. He also noted that while most of his family members are also not interested in doing an impersonal White Elephant exchange, they often go along with his older brother because “he can be very controlling."
“... Most of the time we just let him have his way because it’s easier than dealing with the tension if he doesn’t. He tends to make everyone uncomfortable if things aren’t exactly how he wants them,” he said.
Reddit users had mixed feelings about the situation, with some sharing that they actually see where the OP’s brother might be coming from — especially because he has children and in-laws to gift for while the OP currently does not.
“While I do get where you're coming from, as people get older it gets harder and harder to find suitable gifts, it's not about money spent, it's about time, and frankly trying to figure out what the other person would like. And these days a lot of people buy themselves what they like whenever they want to. Your brother's idea takes the pressure off while keeping up the surprise factor. Just something to think about,” one person wrote.
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Children holding Christmas gifts (stock image)
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Another person agreed, writing, “When you have a family, kids, you don’t have as much time to go gift shopping. We do the gift swap now too, because all my siblings and I have families and it’s just too much work finding a gift for everyone, as much as I would love to give each the perfect gift.”
Others think the OP’s dislike of a White Elephant swap in which you “steal” a “better gift” is completely valid.
“This is my most HATED game in the office at Christmas time," one Redditor wrote. “To play a game based on avarice and one-upping your co-workers and ‘stealing’ a gift. How is that Christmas? HATE that game and I do not participate.”
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