One man learned this the hard way after stepping up to pay for his stepdaughter’s big day, only to discover that she asked her biological father – who was abusive towards her mother – to walk her down the aisle instead.
Taking to Reddit for help, he explained the situation: “I’ve been in my stepdaughter’s life since she was two-years-old.”
“My wife divorced her husband because he was abusive. He went to prison for that. But even after he served his sentence, he was never involved in my her life.”
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The stepfather then went on to explain how the bride-to-be had always dreamed of having a destination wedding in Mykonos, Greece but was having trouble finding the funds. In order to help out, the stepfather offered to pay for the nuptials.
But once the plans were made, his stepdaughter broke some surprising news.
“Yesterday, she told me that she wanted her biological dad to walk her down the aisle,” he wrote. “She told me that he’s a changed man and he deserves a chance so she’d try to accommodate me elsewhere.”
Hurt by his stepdaughter’s decision, he asked for advice on what to do next.
“I was really looking forward to walking her down the aisle. My wife thinks that we should not pay for the wedding anymore,” he wrote. “She also thinks we should not attend the wedding. But if I don’t pay, she won’t have her destination wedding. AITA (Am I the a**hole) here?”
Fellow Reddit users were quick to offer their advice with a large number advising that he has a heart-to-heart with his stepdaughter.
“He should definitely talk to her and explain how hard this all is for him and her mother (who is expected to just see her abuser play an important part of this wedding),” one wrote [sic].
“That said, if the daughter is adamant then we need to remember she’s not an actual kid anymore. She’s an adult. She makes her bed then she has to deal with the consequences.”
Another agreed, adding: “You should sit her down and voice your concerns in an adult way while still understanding her side.”
While others were less forgiving and advised that the stepfather forgo the big day in respect for his wife.
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“If it were me, I would pay for the wedding but not attend,” one commented. “She’d still be my daughter and I wouldn’t abandon her as her biological dad did – even if she’s hurting me with her decision.”
Another simply wrote, “If you really want to take the high road, write a check and decline the invitation.”
After taking the advice into account, the stepfather returned to the original Reddit post to update followers on his final decision.
“As some of you have suggested, I’ll pay for the wedding but I won’t attend,” he wrote. “I don’t think my wife will attend and I think I should stay with her.”
Do you think he made the correct call?