"The Dumbest Mistake I Ever Made" — 16 People With Cold Feet Who Got Married Even Though They Thought They Shouldn't
Note: this article contains mention of abuse.
We've all heard stories of people getting cold feet, and they're fascinating. But what we (understandably) don't hear much about are people who get cold feet... and get married anyway.
So, I decided to ask members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell me, if they got cold feet but went through with the marriage: what was it like? What happened? Here are the best answers:
1."I was sitting in that little room where they put you before you walk down the aisle, looking at myself in the mirror, thinking, 'I just don't know about this.'"
"If ONE person had walked in, sat down, and said, 'Are you SURE?' I would've maybe not gone through with it. But nobody did, so three years later, divorce. Shocking."
2."I, my ex-husband, and my ex-inlaws drove to Reno so my ex and I could get married. I was five months pregnant and it was sprung on me."
"The whole way there I was chanting in my head, 'I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this.'
My ex-mother-in-law tried to make it nice by offering flowers or a picture package. The whole way down the aisle, I was still chanting in my head, 'Don't do this! Don't do this!' I still did it.
We were together for years and he wouldn't agree to divorce for seven years. As soon as I told him that I didn't want child support as long as he gave me sole custody, he signed the papers right away. At least I got two wonderful kids out of all this."
3."I didn’t get cold feet, but wish I would have."
"I made the mistake of treating my wedding as an event and not the commitment that it should have been. Over 20 years later, now divorced, I’m forced to maintain an awkward friendship with a woman with whom I’m emotionally incompatible because of the children we share."
4."If you are having doubts, run! I didn’t, and was married to an emotional desert for 27 wasted years."
"He died, but I regretted not having the courage to say no at the beginning. A bunch of money lost for a wedding is a small price to pay for a lifetime of misery."
—Anonymous
5."My husband and I got engaged and married pretty quickly. I got 'cold feet' before we were married and thought seriously about not going through with it."
"Fast forward: we are currently married. We’ve been married less than one year. I feel like I’ve changed as a person, and some days, I don’t even recognize myself. Not in a good way.
Marriage is tough and having those little doubts that this may not be right make it all the harder. I’m trying my best to make it work, and hopefully, with time, I’ll be my happy self again, whether in this marriage or not."
—Anonymous
6."We met when we were quite young — I was 19 and he was 23 — in 2014. We had our ups and downs early on already, but those were ignored of course. We were too young to really know what being married meant."
"It was all a fairytale to us — our little family we both desperately wanted — and after only knowing each other for six months, we got engaged.
At this turbulent time in my life, he fulfilled my needs for love, affection, and attention. This I've come to realize now.
On the day of our wedding in 2016, I felt strange, like it was just another day in my life, nothing too special; even with all the attention on me, it all just felt really weird and like a dream.
On my way to the ceremony coming over the hill and seeing everyone waiting for me, I got overwhelmed with emotion and almost backed out. I didn't. We were married for seven years.
Seven years of very good and very bad times, mostly bad. The complete downfall came when I ended up in the hospital after a mental breakdown.
I'm 29 now and divorced, but happy and not single!"
—Anonymous
7."I stood at the back of the church with my brother, who 'gave me away, and said, 'We could turn around right now and walk out the door.' He thought I was joking, but I was not."
"It was not an easy marriage; my husband was a pain in the ass, but we had a lot of fun and varied adventures. My husband was a traveler; he could never really settle down. We lived in five US states, Somalia, Pakistan, and the US Virgin Islands. We were married 50 years and raised two amazing humans. He died last year, and I miss him every day."
—Anonymous
8."I had cold feet and we waited so long to get married because I just kept telling him I wasn't ready yet."
"I have no idea what took me so long or what my hang-up was; just wasn't ready. We finally got married at 32 and I'm so happy! Idk, maybe if we hadn't waited things would be different. Who knows. I'm happy and that's what matters."
—Anonymous
9."I got pregnant the first time I had sex with him. I grew up Catholic and knew that marriage was going to be the only acceptable option."
"Planning everything was a blur, but I remember on my wedding day questioning whether this was what I really wanted. I specifically recall telling myself 'It’s ok, you can always just get a divorce.'
Fast forward almost 13 years…"
"We have two children and I have lived through one of the most trying, difficult relationships of my life. I should have left so many times, but 'doing the right thing' because we were pregnant has turned into suffering through the marriage for the kids."
"Truth be told, I would stay with him and in this misery just to be with my kids, however the verbal abuse has gone too far. It took me actually recording one of his outbursts to make me realize what was really happening.
He would always gaslight me into believing that I was crazy and he didn’t say the things he did. I contacted a lawyer and it’s going to get messy, I’m sure. My best advice to those out there… if something doesn’t feel right, DON'T DO IT. You could be potentially setting yourself up for decades of pain. Make sure this is absolutely what you want. And for the love of God, don’t bring kids into it unless you are sure as well."
—Anonymous
10."If anyone in the world had asked me, 'Do you want this?' I would have walked. And I would've been right [to do so]. He was a horrible husband. After he hit me, I left him, and he dragged me through a nasty divorce."
"Lucky for me, he died. I'm not kidding. He was a vet and died in combat.
I don't feel bad about it. I've met some of the men he served with and they're great; I'm glad it was him instead of them.
He left me with a great daughter. Everything works out for the best, if you wait out the storm."
—Anonymous
11."I got a gut feeling six months before my wedding. I went through with the wedding anyway. The marriage ended 18 and a half years later, when I discovered he was cheating on me. Not just once, but several throughout the years."
"I then found out that he was a regular at most of the strip bars downtown, and he also liked to visit the strippers in the back. When I confronted him about his adventures, he said he couldn't deny any of it.
What got me really angry was he wasn't even the slightest bit concerned. He had a problem: I didn't want him in our house any longer. He thought once I knew he could just carry on doing what he was doing.
To get him out of the house I had to start telling his family members what he has been doing, and where he'd been spending his evenings. I also started telling our neighbors and friends. Once word got out in his family, he up and left. He ran right back to his mommy's arms."
—Anonymous
12."I think it's normal to get cold feet (or at least chilly feet) on the day of the wedding just because of nerves. I know my stomach didn't just have butterflies, it was like a roller coaster in there. I still married my beautiful wife. Can't imagine life without her. It's normal."
—Anonymous
13."It was the dumbest mistake I ever made and I knew that going into it. The entire time we were doing pictures I had this sinking feeling in my stomach. The marriage lasted two years before I found out I was being cheated on. No kids thank God."
—Anonymous
14."I think both of us had cold feet going in. We both grew up LDS and have known each other since we were kids. He was 22, I was 19, and when you're that young, it's all pretty much set up by your parents. We liked each other but I wouldn't say we were in love."
"We had three kids by the time I was 26, but the cracks were already starting to show. We were both questioning the church and our marriage. I couldn't reconcile with the lies the church is built on.
We still have a certain love and respect for each other. We are divorced now and I am no longer LDS. He has stayed in the church mostly because of family, which I am understanding of. It's very alienating to leave. He and I are still good friends and quite close and I'm happy he's my children's dad. He really is a great guy and a good father."
—Anonymous
15."I panicked. I said to my now-husband, 'Hey, at least if it doesn't work out we can always get divorced!' He very seriously said, 'no'; he was in it for the long haul. My cold feet melted."
Asiavision / Getty Images, Klaus Vedfelt / Getty Images
"We've been married 28 years and have two beautiful kids. And he's still handsome to boot!"
—Anonymous
16.And finally: "Yes, I had cold feet! I was so young and poor when I got married, and so was my husband. This was New York in the '70s, and we were so in love, but I became afraid for my future."
"I had a shitty job, my husband was holding down a part-time job too and was an artist. We barely made rent.
I talked to him about it before the wedding and he (in the sweetest, kindest way) talked my feet back into being cozy warm. He was so understanding and reaffirmed his commitment to me. We are both in our 70s now, and I am just as crazy about him as I was back then."
—Annette
Well, this was a rollercoaster of love and loss. Let me know what you think in the comments below!
Note: some comments have been edited for length and/or clarity.
