Controversial TV star Katie Hopkins, who is mum to India, 9, Poppy, 8 and five-year-old Max is blogging exclusively for Yahoo's parenting section. This week she argues that being a mum is not a job title and shouldn't define women.
What do you do for a living?
My mum used to answer 'Housewife' but apparently that isn't good enough any more. These days it is 'Home-Maker'. If you want to play the trump card you can go one better.
Nothing makes my buttocks clench tighter and my teeth itch more than 'Full Time Mummy'.
Full time mummy is not a job title. It is a biological status.
[ Katie Hopkins: We all know them but I can't stand 'em - the five types of mum I HATE ]
[ Katie Hopkins on shared custody: My kids haven't seen their dad since he left me for his secretary and I like it that way ]
On Facebook, the drop down menu for your relationship status offers endless options: single, engaged, married, it's complicated.
If you are so keen to talk about your reproductive ability maybe you need a drop down box for your biological status too: trying for a baby, pregnant, mummy, IVF and hacked off, menopausal. Working mums call that way too much information.
Imagine the recruitment ad. 'Full time mummy wanted - no experience necessary, no qualifications required. Must enjoy regular coffee mornings and Cath Kidston.'
Wherever 'full time mummy' goes, the 'hardest job in the world' is never far behind, clutching at her skirts - reminding us all how terribly brave her choice has been.
That's the thing. The choice of life without work is a luxury many could not afford to enjoy. The full time mummy deceit is free membership to a club of stay-at-homers that never made it back to work and don't have to.
Mumsnet feeds on this mob mentality. They circle together in an on-line shoal, avoiding eye contact with the big fish in the playground - the working mums who are valued for their expertise, not their ability to feed on demand.
Personally I would rather boil my head in a saucepan of haddock soup than stay at home all day picking up spaghetti hoops off the kitchen floor.
A full time mum mentality excuses you from getting a real job like the big girl at school with her permanent sick note for games lessons.
Even calling yourself a part time mum is problematic. Many female GP's have failed to repay the £250,000 investment in their NHS training through any protracted commitment to challenging parts of the business like A&E.
Surprising how many full time mums tell me to get off twitter and look after my kids. Where do they find the time?— Katie Hopkins (@KTHopkins) January 28, 2014
They plan a comfortable future as a part time mum / part time GP before they even start their career - opting out before they have even begun.
The hard truth is that there are no full time mums or part time mums. Being a mum is not a job - you can't hand in your notice when the going gets tough or ask to start late on a Friday.
Being a mum is just a biological status update - albeit it more permanent than some of the updates to my relationship status.
It doesn't define you, doesn't earn you a living and certainly doesn't make you an interesting person to sit next to at dinner.