You be the judge: Should my wife stop putting Lidl hand soap in expensive bottles?

The prosecution: Ted

My wife, Marian, has a funny habit and I think it’s all to do with trying to keep up appearances. She’s always filling up expensive bottles of things with stuff from a cheaper brand. She’s done it for years. It’s usually with the bottles of hand soaps in our downstairs bathroom, but she’s also done it with diffusers and shampoos. I’m always teasing her and saying “this isn’t the real thing, is it?” But one time I did it in front of her sister and Marian got really annoyed. She said I’d shown her up, but I just think it’s amusing.

For years now Marian has been filling up luxury hand soap bottles with soap we buy at Lidl. What’s funny is that she doesn’t do it in our private bathroom – because other people won’t see it there – but she will everywhere else. The expensive bottles are starting to wear a bit now, but she won’t throw them out because they’ve got a prestigious label on them.

Marian also does it with diffusers. She loves Jo Malone diffuser sets and bought a few for our house years ago. But when they started to lose their smell, she filled up the bottles with diffusers from Aldi. It is quite genius to be fair, and I did approve at first because I thought the originals were far too costly.

But I don’t like what it represents. I grew up on a farm in rural England, in a family of eight, and we were a very “what you see is what you get” family. My dad was a bit rough around the edges and my brothers and sisters don’t have any airs and graces about them. If I mentioned to them that Marian is so bothered about what people think of her that she’s keeping branded bottles around our house to make herself look posh, they’d all rip the piss out of her. But I can’t do that because Marian is embarrassed by it.

We’ve been married 15 years and she’s always been quite glam, but I do think this is ridiculous. If you’re going to be cheap, just own it, that’s what I say. Ironically, it’s the well off, middle classes who seem most preoccupied with looking as if they’ve got more than they do.

The defence: Marian

Like many women, I am responsible for making sure our shared house is not a stinky man cave, so of course I buy things like diffusers and nice soaps. Ted likes these, but gets shocked about how much they actually cost. So once they’ve run out, I don’t always fill them up with the original brand. This has been at his encouragement, but then he tells me that I’m obsessed with class and money for doing so.

I just think: do you want nice interiors on a budget price, or not? Aldi does a great range of refills which smell like the originals, but I also don’t want to throw away my expensive Jo Malone bottle and replace it with something that is obviously not designer. It makes far more sense to keep the nice bottle – I reject the idea that this means I’m obsessed with “keeping up appearances”. It’s just common sense.

It’s the same with the soaps. I guess because I only do this in our guest bathroom, it’s a little harder to defend. I like the idea of making my guests feel special, and part of that involves having fancier products on display for them to use. I know they aren’t actually using them, it’s just the idea of the thing – I’m trying to create an aesthetic. If anything, it’s an act of generosity. I’m letting people think they are stepping into a house of luxury even if they are really using the cheap stuff.

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Ted grew up in a working-class household in Yorkshire, whereas my parents were “city folk”, as he calls them. My mum was a lawyer before she retired and my dad worked in insurance. I think they cared a lot about what people thought of them. We always rolled out the good biscuits and the best china when guests came over, and my dad took great pride in making sure our garden was the best-kept on our street. I’ve retained that house pride, but times are tough so I am trying to do it on a budget.

Ted should be grateful he’s got such a savvy wife and not out me in front of people like my sister when they visit. I’ll continue to do this as long as I like.

The jury of Guardian readers

Should Marian stop putting cheap soap in posh bottles?

I understand Marian’s aesthetic reasoning for reusing the bottles, but I find it strange she’s been doing it for years, feigning a life she cannot afford. Presumably her guests like her for her, and not the luxury items she displays.
Manon, 31

I would caution Marian against being so image-conscious in other aspects of her life. But using refills is a smart option – it makes sense to keep the nicer bottles and refill them with a cheaper alternative. She should consider buying larger containers in bulk to cut down on plastic waste and save money.
Oliver, 24

Marian only does this in guest areas so is clearly doing it for show – she sounds like a right Hyacinth Bucket! True friends don’t care what soap is in your bathroom. If the supermarket ones are more affordable and smell great, use them.
Louise, 41

As Marian points out, it’s usually a woman’s job to keep the house looking nice, and Ted should be grateful. Of course, true friends don’t care about which soap you use, but it’s not only true friends who enter your home. Second-tier friends and neighbours do, too. Who can blame Marian for wanting to keep up appearances?
Zoe, 67

Marian shouldn’t be so concerned by what others think – particularly her own sister. But Ted is in the wrong here, too: maybe he should take charge of making the house smell nice – I bet he’d be refilling bottles within two months.
Alan, 45

Now you be the judge

In our online poll, tell us: should Marian stop refilling posh bottles with cheap soap?

The poll closes on Thursday 4 July at 10am BST

Last week’s result

We asked whether Ololade should stop covering for her brother Babatunde’s lack of effort with their grandparents?

99% of you said Babatunde is guilty – Oh, brother! Where art thou?
1% of you said Babatunde is not guilty – It’s a family affair