You be the judge: my parents want to donate their old furniture to us – should my partner accept it?
The prosecution: Eddie
We’re on a tight budget and the stuff is ready to go. My parents think it’s crazy to turn them down
After living at home for most of my life, I’m moving in with my girlfriend Edith soon. As a 30-year-old man, I’m really excited about the prospect of having our own (rented) flat.
The problem is that my parents – who are renovating their house – keep trying to palm off their old furniture on us. Edith is really against it, whereas I think: why not?
My mum wants to give us their old kingsize bed, as well as some coffee tables, side tables and a dining table and chairs, but Edith says, “No way.” And though I understand her point of view, I also think it might be good for us. Having all of that in the house will help us get off to a good start.
Yes it’s true, I don’t love the furniture that I’ve spent my whole life looking at. I also want to develop my own style and let Edith have free rein over our home. But I also think it’s easier to kit out the place with stuff that’s ready, instead of spending weeks ordering things and trying to make it all fit together. Not to mention the money – we’re on a tight budget as it is.
Edith called some of the furniture ugly and outdated. I think she’s a little harsh
My dad says we’ll save money and should be grateful to be offered so much quality stuff. My mum is also quite keen on the idea, but from a sentimental perspective. She’s says: “I want our furniture to go to a good home.” They are very make do and mend sort of people, so they think it’s crazy to turn down free stuff.
But Edith is quite independent, and I don’t think she likes the idea of handouts. She’s also called some of the furniture “ugly” and “outdated”, which I think is a little harsh. Edith is also more spoiled than I am: she grew up with more money.
I don’t want to begrudge her the opportunity to enjoy living in her own place, but I also don’t want to offend my parents. If we’re going to let them down, we should approach them together and tell them we aren’t interested. Edith is more headstrong than me, so she can say it. Whereas I’d lean more towards taking all their furniture, because it’s easier.
The defence: Edith
We’re making a fresh start – I don’t want old stuff I don’t like in our new home. It’s not my style
Eddie doesn’t see the problem with taking all his parents’ old furniture but I think it’s weird. I don’t want to sleep in his parents’ old bed in our new flat. It’s our place, and I want it to feel like our place.
A lot of the furniture, such as the coffee table and dining table and chairs, is made from this really outdated, orangey sort of wood. It probably looked great 25 years ago, but now it just looks a bit past it. It’s also really cumbersome and too big.
I don’t know what energies are attached to Eddie’s family furniture, and I don’t really want to find out
Yes, it’s all in good condition but that’s irrelevant, as it’s just not my style. I also believe in energies and I don’t think it’s a good idea to bring bits of the past into our new start. I don’t know what energies are attached to Eddie’s family furniture, and I don’t really want to find out.
When you go to a new place, it’s best to start from scratch where you can. Eddie thinks this is a privileged view. He says, “you grew up with more money than me”, but I don’t think that’s why I am the way I am. I just want a clean slate.
Eddie is also just scared to say anything to his parents, but I think he should speak up. He is worried about offending them, but I don’t think it’s ridiculous to say “thanks but no thanks.” He thinks I’m just turning my nose up at free stuff, but it’s not that. I’m very grateful for the offer, but I have little interest in his family’s old items. His parents’ stuff just doesn’t fit into the type of home I can see myself living in.
Eddie is definitely not focused on style. His clothing is just whatever he can thrift, and he’s not really that bothered about interiors. That’s why he doesn’t mind taking whatever is offered to him, whereas I have a stronger opinion on this matter. He is making me feel bad for rejecting these freebies, but I think it’s fine that I don’t want them. He wants me to come and speak to his parents about saying no. I’m not ecstatic about doing that, but if it will get me out of having to accept all this ugly furniture for our new home, I will do it.
The jury of Guardian readers
Should Edith take Eddie’s parents’ furniture for their new flat?
Edith, I understand that you want a clean slate, but your mindset of “it’s best to start from scratch” is worrisome. Purchasing furniture “just because” is wasteful and (Eddie is right) privileged. Instead, keep pieces that can be updated, and pass the rest on to a women’s shelter.
Claire, 32
A compromise would be to take one coffee table as a keepsake. I can’t think of anything worse than sleeping in the bed the parents-in-law slept in. If Edith is the one who will enjoy furnishing their first home together, Eddie should leave it up to her.
Iona, 64
Eddie needs to chill out a bit. It’s important to make your new living space your own but at the same time it’s nice to have a few sentimental pieces that have meaning to you both. You certainly don’t need to take everything but I’m sure it will mean a lot to the parents if you took a couple of pieces.
Matt, 34
Given that I could have written Eddie’s words, I’m taking his side. I think by taking his parents’ furniture he is saving himself and Edith a great deal of hassle and stress compared with kitting out their place from scratch. And they could spend the money they save on a romantic getaway.
Dean, 35
It’s always nice to give furniture a new home, but there’s no point in taking pieces if they will just be very temporary and slightly resented placeholders. Though Edith seems a bit quick to dismiss the furniture, she’s also made it clear that she doesn’t want those things in her flat – so why not give it to people who will appreciate them? (Edith should consider buying secondhand items she does like, though.)
Rebecca, 30
Now you be the judge
In our online poll, tell us: should Edith take the furniture?
The poll closes on Thursday 30 May at 9am BST
Last week’s result
We asked whether Jane should allow daughter Abbie to drive her new car despite her having dented her old one.
27% of you said Jane is guilty – she should put her view into reverse
73% of you said Jane is not guilty – she’s right to hit the brakes
