You be the judge: should my wife’s family stop using my toothbrush?

The prosecution: Edward

When I stay with my wife Alice’s family, I face a big problem. If I leave my toothbrush out in the bathroom, I can guarantee it will get used by one of her siblings.

Why do I have a problem with this? Well, brushing your teeth is a personal thing. Another person using your toothbrush is just weird. Why use mine when you could use your own? Why do you feel like you’re allowed to use my toothbrush? Do you not find it weird and disgusting that you’re using someone else’s toothbrush, when it’s got their plaque and germs on it? It’s gross.

This not only happens whenever I stay with Alice’s family; incredibly, it also happens when her siblings have stayed at our house. They say that sharing toothbrushes is not a big deal. Apparently there was a pot of toothbrushes in their bathroom growing up, and when it came time to brush their teeth, everyone would just go for the nicest-looking one.

This habit has continued into adulthood, so wherever they go, they just pick the best toothbrush. I take good care of my toothbrush, so if I leave it out while they’re staying over, there’s a high chance one of them will use it. Or, more likely, all of them will use it. By the time five people have used it in one morning, it’ll be ruined, the bristles completely splayed, and I’ll have to buy a new one. So not only is the habit disgusting, it is also wasteful. Alice’s mum wouldn’t use my toothbrush, but I know that her two brothers and sister would.

I’ve brought the matter up with Alice and she says: “Stop being silly – it’s just a toothbrush.” She doesn’t see a problem. And Alice’s sister told me to stop being “precious”. But I don’t think this is me being precious – they’ve all overstepped the line.

Now I keep my toothbrush in our room. I’d love to leave it out in the bathroom, because it’s unnatural to move a toothbrush back and forth, but if I forget, someone will always use it. I can’t get Alice’s family to stick to my rule so I’ll just have to carry my toothbrush about with me.

The defence: Alice

The first thing you should know is that I grew up sharing things in a house of six. When you live with three siblings and your mum and dad, you just do whatever. We shared toothbrushes – we have done it our entire lives. I still do when I go home. I genuinely don’t think there’s anything unusual about it.

My mum would replace the toothbrushes once a month, so that was fine. I thought everyone did it. It didn’t occur to me that it was disgusting. Edward didn’t know for a really long time that everyone in my house was using his toothbrush when he stayed over. He used to be like, “Why is my toothbrush wet?” I didn’t say anything for a while. But he had a very beautiful, pristine toothbrush, whereas Mum used to just get a pack of Aldi ones. My siblings wouldn’t have known it was his, though. They would have just seen it and thought: “I’ll be using that one tonight.”

Edward saw one of my brothers using his toothbrush once and felt absolute horror. He started hiding it when we went to stay, and he still does. My siblings thought: “Why is he freaking out? We all share in this house.” Even though we’re adults, they see sharing toothbrushes as totally normal, as I do.

Edward and I started going out at 17 and we’re now 32. I have known him for more than half my life and he’s always been quite fussy. My house was always full of people and noise; his family is very different. When I met him I was shocked at how much privacy he had. He lived in a big townhouse with just his mum and had a whole floor to himself, whereas I wasn’t raised like that. Edward is a bit of a princess.

He has got around the issue by taking his toothbrush back into the bedroom whenever he stays at my family home. I think it’s funny that he keeps it under lock and key, and my family think it’s hilarious. They take the piss out of him for being a stiff-necked loser. I tell him to chill out about the toothbrush thing – I think sharing is charming.

The jury of Guardian readers

Should Alice’s siblings lay off Edward’s toothbrush?

This is a clean-cut case: Alice is guilty, as are her siblings. Sharing is to be expected in a big family, but not when it comes to personal hygiene. Edward has shown real tolerance – and should be able to leave his toothbrush out in peace.
Caitlin, 27

I usually find something to agree with on both sides, but this case is unequivocal. Edward is right: Alice and her family should leave his toothbrush alone. It’s not hygienic – sorry Alice, every family has their quirks, but this is just minging. More than that, though, they’re making him feel unwelcome in their home.
Catriona, 42

It’s reasonable that Edward wants to avoid exchanging bodily fluids with his in-laws – and I’m sure dentists would agree. This boundary should be respected and Alice’s siblings should keep their covetous paws off his toothbrush.
Juliet, 37

Though it may have been “charming” to share toothbrushes as youngsters, surely there comes an age (after growing up, contracting Covid, getting married, etc) when you see this as a disgusting habit. Edward, for the sake of your health, keep it hidden and pristine.
Thomas, 49

Using someone else’s toothbrush is weird, unhygienic and not normal. Alice and her family need to stop with the name calling and respect that Edward doesn’t want to – and shouldn’t have to – share his toothbrush.
Emma, 45

Now you be the judge

In our online poll, tell us: should Alice’s siblings stop using Edward’s toothbrush?

Last week’s result

We asked whether Liz should relax about dating and babies.

45% of you said yes – Liz is guilty

55% of you said no – Liz is innocent

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