You be the judge: should I listen to my mum and rent my empty flat to my brother?

The prosecution: Meera

I’ve just bought my first flat. But even though it’s mine, I did it with the help of my younger brother, Dev. I am a freelancer and don’t earn enough to buy a place on my own, so Dev, who works in finance, put his name on my mortgage so I could borrow more. It’s an incredible hack that I don’t think enough people know about.

Dev helped me paint the flat, and he also helped me drive around town and pick up lots of secondhand furniture. I’m really grateful.

I’m moving abroad for a bit so I’m going to be renting out the flat for six months. The issue is that my mum, Chitra, and dad, Eli, keep pressuring me to rent it to Dev while I’m away. He still lives at home, stays in his room a lot and is a bit of a maths nerd. I’m not 100% against it as I want to help him out, but I’d rather rent to people who aren’t in the family. It’s complicated otherwise. Also, Dev doesn’t have a friend to rent with (my flat is a two-bed) and I don’t want to put him in with a random person and then be responsible if he doesn’t get on with them.

I remember what it’s like to rent with a member of the landlord’s family – it’s a weird dynamic. I always felt watched, like I couldn’t relax because the landlord’s daughter might report things to her mum. I used to ask her to call her mum each time something needed fixing, and came to resent her when things didn’t get done on time. And I later found out that she was paying half the rent I was, which made me more resentful.

My mum says it would be good for him to “get some responsibility and move out”. I agree, but why can’t he do that with someone who’s not me? I also think that when I return from living abroad, I’ll want to move back into my flat but Dev would probably be there. I wouldn’t kick him out, but even though we are close, we haven’t lived together for years.

It’s all too complicated. My parents need to understand that Dev will do things in his own way, just like I have, and let us remain separate when it comes to renting.

The defence: Chitra

My husband Eli and I think it’s great that Meera has bought a flat, and even better that she got a mortgage. I was worried about her doing her artsy job for years and not being able to buy anything because her salary is so low. Dev putting his name on the mortgage really helped her out.

The thing is, he can’t come off her mortgage until her fixed period ends in two years. Then she has to prove she can earn enough without him. I hope Meera will be earning more by then because Dev will be 26, and I’d like him to move out and do his own thing.

At the moment he lives at home with Eli and me. He’s no trouble and we love having him here, but I do worry. I’d like him to start the next chapter of his life as an independent young man. Dev is not bothered about buying anything himself now, but I worry that he’s trapped himself at home with us for another two years by helping Meera.

Dev is laid-back and quiet, he doesn’t express strong opinions about anything. He will just go with the flow to help keep everyone happy. But I’m trying to persuade him that moving into his sister’s place would solve all the issues. He could move into a place with a landlord he trusts. And then Meera wouldn’t have to worry about finding a tenant, either.

Related: You be the judge: should my boyfriend stop filling our flat with empty water bottles?

But for some reason Meera is really against it and says that the whole thing will be really complicated when she comes back from abroad, whereas I think: why not worry about that in six months time?

Meera says Dev won’t want to live with his big sister when she returns from her trip but they haven’t even really spoken about it. Also, they lived together for most of their life at our home and got on great, so I think she’s putting up barriers where there doesn’t need to be any.

I have spoken to Dev – he’s just a peacekeeper, he won’t trouble Meera unless she wants him in there. But he’s done her a really big favour and also blocked himself from being able to buy anywhere for two years. The least Meera could do is let him live in her place while she’s away.

The jury of Guardian readers

Should Meera take her mum’s advice?

Dev should be the one deciding if he wants to move in, but I agree with Chitra that more independence would be good for him. I’m not convinced by Meera’s arguments that it would be less awkward to rent her flat to strangers. A six-month trial period might be a good idea.
Julia, 31

It’s clear that Meera and Chitra both have strong views but doesn’t Dev get a say? Both seem to be projecting their views on him but if he’s happy living at home, why does he have to change?
Lai-San, 49

Dev did a great thing in helping Meera, so why can’t his sister give him something back? But the real issue is Meera and Chitra not doing the one thing neither seems to have thought of: listening to Dev and what he wants.
Ewan, 40

Of course Dev should move in with Meera, and as a gesture of goodwill pay six months’ rent in advance, with the parents as guarantors while they let his own room. This would also help Meera out when she’s abroad.
Greg, 53

It would be good for Dev to have his own place, but by moving in with Meera he would be leaving one cosy nest for another. Chitra should let her kids decide for themselves; they get on well and perhaps they do not need the potential complications of living together.
Nikki, 70

Now you be the judge

In our online poll, tell us: should Meera listen to her mum and let her flat to her brother?

The poll closes at 10am GMT on Thursday 22 February

Last week’s result

We asked whether Rowena should stop burping in public.

83% of you said Rowena is guilty – better in than out

17% of you said Rowena is not guilty – life’s a gas