You be the judge: should my boyfriend stop trolling rightwing social media accounts?

The prosecution: Nelly

Gabriel, my boyfriend of seven years, is an internet troll and I don’t find it cute. When we met he was already chronically online, as he worked in social media and made content for YouTube and TikTok on the side.

I didn’t have a problem with it as he was focused on making sports content, but now he trolls all kinds of people. At first I liked dating someone who could communicate in memes and discuss the latest podcast drama, but now it’s getting out of hand.

It’s not that I necessarily have a problem with who he trolls – it’s often horrible politicians or anonymous racist accounts – but I don’t think it’s good for him. He trolls a lot of people and I think it consumes him. One night during lockdown he stayed up late arguing with conspiracy theorists on Twitter. I told him to go to bed, but he couldn’t stop.

Another time he went viral for trolling a sexist footballer. He loves the attention. I think he’s usually on the right side of history and I’ve never seen him write anything that I don’t agree with, but I also think it’s quite weird. Who wants their boyfriend to be a top troller? It doesn’t impact the world in any positive way. If Gabriel “wins” a fight online, what difference does it make to anyone’s life? He gets a kick out of being blocked, or getting a reaction.

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Being online that much is not sexy or how grown men should behave. Gabriel says I’m being sexist, but seeing my boyfriend’s tweets getting shared on meme accounts gives me the ick. I can’t help it.

He has the right to defend himself on his own accounts, but he also makes these secret burner accounts to reply to people, and that isn’t healthy. There are a lot of weirdos out there, and you will never win.

Gabriel spends too much time online. I can hear him watching videos on his phone when he goes for a shower. I don’t know how many burner accounts he has, but I know it’s a few per app. He tells me it’s just a laugh, but I think he needs to log off.

The defence: Gabriel

Being chronically online isn’t a crime. And neither is putting the world to rights in the comments section. Nelly is right, I do get a rush out of fighting with idiots, but only because there are so many out there. They need to be told.

Online laws are too lax. Anyone can create an account and send racist or sexist abuse. There’s no control or repercussions. So if I can help make the world a better place by calling that behaviour out, I’ll do it. I don’t just start fights for the sake of it – I also block and report really nasty stuff.

I work in social media and have my own official accounts where I make content about sports. I spend a lot of time online; it’s a big part of my personality. I’ve made money online and I’ve seen how going viral can really change people’s lives.

When something of mine goes viral, I do go a bit giddy. Nelly used to get excited, too. Other times, it feels a bit much because the comments are non-stop. I have learned not to take the nasty stuff personally though. I don’t make as much content now because I don’t have time, but I took it really seriously in lockdown when we were home a lot. I made my burner accounts after experiencing trolling. When I replied, I got in trouble with the apps for being “abusive”. Once, my TikTok was shut down. I then realised I could make burner accounts and fight the trolls anonymously without jeopardising my main account. That’s why I have so many.

Nelly doesn’t like me replying to anyone online – she thinks it’s a waste of time, but I disagree. I wouldn’t let someone call me incompetent or ugly in real life, so why would I let it slide online? When people block me, I think: “Haha, got you, you coward.”

Nelly is online but not as much as me. Sometimes I’ll quote a meme or a video and she will say “I don’t know what you’re on about”, so I save it for my work colleagues. Recently, I got into a fight with a former footballer who was being sexist. He blocked me and I loved it. I don’t think I need to delete my burner accounts and I don’t take anything too far. If anything, it’s community service.

The jury of Guardian readers

Should Gabriel curb his enthusiasm when it comes to political trolling?

Gabriel is kidding himself that he’s being helpful. He’s not going to change any rightwing extremist’s point of view by yelling at them online. In fact, he’s getting an adrenaline rush out of arguing and has now turned into a troll himself – complete with burner accounts.
Barbara, 71

I find it disheartening that about 99% of online comments seem to be hateful, and I also feel the temptation to respond. But it isn’t vigilante community service – it only feeds the trolls desperate for a reaction. Engaging with hate has to be detrimental to Gabriel’s mental health and relationships. One day he will probably cringe at himself for doing this.
Vanessa, 32

Gabriel thinks he is providing a “community service” but really he is trolling people for his own pleasure. Being abusive online can leach into your offline life. Spend more time with your girlfriend and enjoy life instead!
Sandeep, 38

Pursuing the thrill of winning an online argument is selfish. I don’t see how hiding behind a burner account makes Gabriel different from those who write things that offend him.
Paul, 41

Social media algorithms purposefully promote conflict and outrage. Gabriel’s arguments with hateful people online will never serve the community the way he wants them to. Nelly’s right – he’ll never win.
Olly, 24

Now you be the judge

In our online poll, tell us: should Gabriel stop the trolling?

The poll closes on Thursday 9 January at 10am GMT

Last week’s results

We asked if Marsha should listen to her mother and lay off the expensive beauty products.

88% of you said yes – Marsha is guilty

12% of you said no – Marsha is innocent

Two weeks ago (20 December), we asked whether Phoebe should let go of her love for revenge.

91% of you said yes – Phoebe is guilty

9% of you said no – Phoebe is innocent