Jimmy Kimmel on Hunter Biden’s conviction: ‘Only 31 felonies away from being the Republican candidate for president’
Late-night hosts talk Hunter Biden’s felony conviction, Donald Trump’s legal woes and secret recordings of supreme court justice Samuel Alito’s conservative views.
Jimmy Kimmel
Jimmy Kimmel opened his show on Tuesday with news that Joe Biden’s son Hunter was convicted on three felony counts related to buying a handgun while being a user of crack cocaine. “His father did a terrible job of rigging this,” Kimmel deadpanned. “He’s now only 31 felonies away from being the Republican candidate for president.”
In response to the verdict, Biden released a statement accepting it and expressing support for his son. The statement read, in part: “Jill and I will always be there for Hunter and the rest of our family with our love and support. Nothing will ever change that.”
“Same thing Trump would say about Eric in this situation,” Kimmel joked. “They should let Trump and Hunter sentence each other, wouldn’t that be fun?”
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Kimmel saw superficial similarities between their two cases – “they both filed phoney paperwork”, in that Hunter lied on an application to buy a gun, and Trump falsified business records. “The only difference is that one of them was on crack when it happened,” he noted.
In other news, Trump participated in a parole interview ahead of his sentencing on 11 July for 24 felony counts in his hush-money case. A source described Trump’s parole meeting as “uneventful” and lasting less than 30 minutes – “same way Stormy Daniels described sex with him”, Kimmel laughed. “It must have been funny. Trump explaining his résumé? ‘Let’s see, I bankrupted a few casinos, I hosted a gameshow with Meatloaf – oh, and I was president of the United States.’”
Stephen Colbert
On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert also reacted to Hunter Biden’s conviction on all three charges in his felony gun trial. “That is truly shocking news. Evidently, in America, there is a wrong way to buy a gun,” he joked.
“Now, it’s no secret how I feel about Trump’s conviction,” he continued. “So ethically and morally I have to be consistent and say that in light of this verdict, I don’t believe Hunter Biden … should be president.”
Meanwhile, Trump’s conviction means that he could be ineligible to hold liquor licenses at his New Jersey golf courses. “That’s right, no liquor at Trump golf courses. In a related story, Rudy Giuliani has announced that he’s voting for Joe Biden,” Colbert joked.
According to New Jersey law, liquor license holders must have a “reputable character” and would be expected to conduct business “in a reputable manner”.
“Of course, this is New Jersey, so by ‘reputable’ they mean ‘if you’re going to do Fireball shots out of a stripper’s butt crack, use a coaster,’” Colbert remarked.
The host also touched on recordings of supreme court justice Samuel Alito by a journalist posing as a religious conservative at a recent fundraiser. In the recordings, Alito says: “One side or the other is going to win … It’s difficult because there are differences on fundamental things that can’t really be compromised.”
Colbert reacted with disdain: “You’re a supreme court justice! You’re not supposed to be thinking what side someone is on,” he said. “You’re supposed to decide cases, impartial, that’s why Lady Justice has a blindfold and a scale, not 3D glasses and a popcorn bucket.”
Seth Meyers
After Hunter Biden’s conviction, the US president’s son “now faces up to 25 years on Hannity”, joked Seth Meyers on Late Night.
According to new analysis, Jill Biden’s round-trip flight from France to Delaware to attend Hunter’s trial could cost taxpayers as much as $345,000. “Say what you will about Trump, but he never spent a dime of taxpayer money to be with his kids,” Meyers laughed.
The Biden campaign launched its “seniors for Biden” initiative this week, with plans to host pickleball tournaments “to rally support for President Biden”, said Meyers, “because if pickleball can be incredibly popular even though it’s lame and boring, then maybe … ”
And researchers in London recently found fecal bacteria on poles and seats on the Tube, “while here in New York, the MTA uses fecal bacteria to clean the poles and seats”, Meyers joked. “It’s called sustainability!”
