Is humour the way to your partner's heart when you're fighting?
Having a good sense of humour can be helpful in many situations, but it turns out laughter could help diffuse some tension during arguments with your partner too.
In a recent interview, John Bishop has revealed that a joke saved his marriage to his wife, Melanie, when they were going through a divorce.
Early into their relationship, the 57-year-old comedian had been separated from his wife for 18 months when he made a joke on stage about missing her when she was sat in the audience.
Bishop told The Mirror: "I used to do a joke about missing my ex so much that I kept her severed head in the fridge. It’s not the best joke, and as I said it I realised the head that was meant to be in the fridge was in the audience.
"We were at the decree nisi stage in our divorce at this point, so we only had to finalise the finances. I remember thinking, ‘That joke’s going to cost me another £20,000.’ Afterwards she came over to the bar. I was expecting a row but instead we started chatting."
The couple started counselling soon after and went onto have three sons together, Joe, 26, Luke, 24 and Daniel, 22.
This remarkable U-turn is a reminder that sometimes laughter is the best medicine even when it comes rekindling your relationship and resolving conflict.
The British Psychology Society found in a study that couples who had more humour in their relationship reported more satisfaction and found that it could be "mutually transformative" for long-term relationships.
With over 42% of marriages ending in divorce in the UK, this research could offer some hope for couples who are trying to reconnect with their loved ones and resolve on-going issues to move forward.
Annabelle Knight, sex and relationship expert at Lovehoney: "When it’s done properly and sensitively, the right kind of humour can absolutely help to defuse a fight - you may already be familiar with the technique of making light of a situation. But it’s all about the type of humour you use, and the personality of your partner."
Experts have found that jokes that are shared often elicit a positive response as they offer a circuit breaker to the cycle of conflict. Whereas, self-deprecating or sarcastic jokes which are made at your own or someone else’s expense can be detrimental to your relationships as it can make people uncomfortable, Talkspace says.
"The act of making your partner laugh when you’re tense, annoyed or downright angry can break the tension, and give you both an instant time out," Knight adds. "This lightning-fast reset can help you both recognise how you’re treating one another, and what you can do to resolve it."
This moment of clarity gives you the space to reassess the situation with your partner and whether you want to continue on this path or not.
Though, humour should never be seen as a "miracle cure" for resolving every crisis with your partner, just a temporary source of relief.
"The most important part of any argument between a couple is to remember that it’s not you vs your partner, it’s you and your partner vs the issue," Knight says.
In order to assess whether it’s appropriate to make a joke or not, Knight suggests to follow these guidelines:
You need to both be in on the joke: It should be equally fun and enjoyable for both sides.
Don’t use humour as a mask. Don’t use humour to hide your emotions or deflect away from how you’re feeling.
Think about the joke from your partner’s perspective. You know your partner best - will they appreciate a joke in this scenario or will they find it ill-timed? Read their body language, avoid being mean, and look towards inside jokes that will help to reaffirm your bond.
Read more about divorce and resolving conflict:
Ruth Langsford says she had ‘no plan B’ after divorce. Do you really need a back up plan? (Yahoo Life, 4-min read)
How to rekindle your relationship after calling off divorce (Yahoo Life, 5-min read)
’Till divorce do us part: How we fell out of love with marriage (Cosmopolitan, 6-min read)
