Ruth Langsford had ‘no plan B’ after divorce. Do you really need a back up plan?
When you’re in a healthy, happy relationship, it can feel illogical, even painful, to think about it ever ending. Yet with over 42% of marriages ending in divorce, it is important to make sure you continue to protect and nurture your safety and financial future for as an individual, as much as your relationship.
In a recent interview, Ruth Langsford has revealed that she never had a back up plan, after her marriage Eamonn Holmes ended earlier this year.
The 64-year-old Loose Women star married the fellow TV presenter in 2010 and the couple share one son, Jack, 22, together. Back in May, the couple announced that they were getting divorced after being together since the mid-1990s.
Ruth was asked if she ever had a back up plan if things went wrong with her then-husband, but she told woman&home: "I don't have a plan B because I never had a plan A. Ever!"
This ‘all-in’ approach to marriage is vital in order for it to have some longevity and for the relationship to feel mutual and each person feel valued. However, there is a difference between having a support plan in place for your own wellbeing with an emergency fund, compared to keeping half an eye out on the dating pool for someone else to enter your life if your relationship breaks down.
After all, scientific research has found that time spent being single, after a break up or divorce, is actually incredibly beneficial. It can boost your gratitude for solitude, improve your social connections and physical health.
Dating and relationship expert, Sarah Louise Ryan explains there shouldn’t be a "back up plan in your love life" if your relationship doesn’t work out, but there should be measures in place to protect your independence.
"Having your own independence around finances is vital to supporting oneself," she said. "It’s not about having a ‘back up plan’ for your love life, it’s about being prepared for any eventuality that life may throw your way."
It’s important that the priority of financial stability doesn’t lean into how you navigate your love life as it could lead to inauthentic connections and also mean you’re waiting for something to go wrong in your relationship.
Ryan says a back up plan in your love life might actually be detrimental to your relationship, she adds: "I don’t believe it is possible to fully lean into the positive possibilities in a relationship if you have a ‘Plan B’."
Therefore, it is empowering and important for women to have their own finances, passions, interests and support system outside of their partner, to know that they can be self-reliant to take care of their mental health and finances.
Essentially, relationships are not something we can ever entirely in our control and accepting it is crucial, Ryan adds. "Even when married, nothing in life is ever certain and navigating each chapter with this knowing can be a powerful way to always be in the driving seat, no matter the curve ball."
Financial discussions with your partner can also aid this, according to relationship charity Relate. The recommend starting an open dialogue with your partner about your finances to prevent any financial abuse in your relationship. This could manifest in one partner having control over all the finances, or erratic spending from a joint account that another person hasn’t consented too.
"If a woman has her own funds, no matter her relationship status, it is supportive," Ryan continues. "Financial health can affect mental health and so navigating each dating and relationship path with good financial health and systems in place means that a person, no matter their gender, will be able to be free to make choices.
"For example, some people stay in relationships long after they are emotionally and sexually over because they feel restricted by finances and restrained from moving on. Financial freedom is a healthy way to have freedom to choose in love and in life."
Read more about sex and relationships:
How 'loud budgeting' can help you talk openly about money in relationships (Yahoo Life UK, 6-min read)
Jason Tartick On Why Couples Must Talk About Money (HuffPost, 3-min read)
Cost-of-living crisis ‘contributing to couples’ arguments about money’ (PA Media, 3-min read)
