The maternity doctor was shocked when I said I was born in 2000

The nation’s birthrate is plummeting, according to figures released last week by the ONS. Kate Clarke, who had a baby at the age of 24, describes what it’s like to be a young mum

When I joined my new job as a graduate, the last thing my colleagues expected was for me to take maternity leave after only 18 months. I was standing by the water cooler in the office when I told one of my colleagues that I was pregnant: “But you’re so young, you’re still a baby!” she replied in shock. I felt a bit embarrassed about it at first and I was nervous telling my boss but eventually everyone got used to seeing me with my bump.

I met Joe on a dating site in February 2021 while I was at university in Sheffield studying geography and he was studying manufacturing engineering in Nottingham. He brought a bunch of pink carnations to meet me on the first date – we hit it off instantly.

We were engaged a year later, in February 2022, and married on a crisp day that December. After that, we settled down, found jobs and bought a house together in Nottingham – and in January 2024, when I was only 23, I discovered I was pregnant. I was in London for a school friend’s birthday party. I became really shaky and suddenly knocked over a glass of wine for no reason. I remember saying to Joe, “I think I might be pregnant” – and I was.

We call it a “happy surprise” because although we hadn’t been trying for a baby, we were open to the possibility. We didn’t have five-year plans like young people often do, we were just doing our jobs and waiting for the right moment to come – and this was the natural next step. I turned 24 in August and by October 2024, baby Lydia had arrived.

During my pregnancy I felt quite alone and apprehensive. I didn’t know anyone else in the same boat. I went through it all by myself because none of my friends fully understood my experience. Everyone else was at a very different stage of life – working in London, going to parties, jetting off to Greece on holiday with their girlfriends. I was very conscious of all the things I wasn’t able to do, like go out and drink or jump on the train to London. I just thought: “I can’t do anything my friends are doing for the next nine months.”

Suddenly, I was in a different group of people categorised as “parents” – no matter how old you are, having a child puts you in a different mindset. But we were much younger than every other parent we came across. Before the birth, we were in hospital and one of the doctors said: “For people of our generation it’s simple.” And she said: “Hang on, are we even in the same generation?” When I told her I was born in 2000, she looked shocked and said she hadn’t realised how young we were.

We were the youngest in our antenatal group by about 10 years. All the other couples had more life experience. I remember one woman saying: “We lived in Australia for a few years, and then I worked in London for 10 years.” I was mentally doing the maths, thinking, that was 12 years ago. That meant that when they started work, I was 12 years old. The other parents in our group were also further up the career ladder than us, which you could tell because they drove electric cars and had designer handbags.

But as we progressed in the antenatal class, the fact that those in our group had 10 years on us didn’t make any difference. Having a baby was a great leveller despite the age gap. None of us knew what we were doing and the people who had their five-year plan had an even bigger adjustment to make. Yes, we were younger, but we were all clueless together.

For most of our friends, having a baby at this age is inconceivable. It’s just not something young people do. Many of our friends live in London and are still living with their parents to try to save money – they’re nowhere near buying their first house. Everything is so expensive, having a family doesn’t come into the equation. When I found out we were having a baby, I immediately made a spreadsheet to work out how we’d be able to afford it, and realised that it would be unbelievably tight. We have no money for luxuries or the things young people usually spend their money on.

A lot of our friends want to keep the lifestyle they’ve grown accustomed to, going to music festivals and parties and having exotic holidays. Having a child takes you away from all that. It is hard sometimes and can make us feel quite alone. We are too young to relate to the other mums and dads but we’re not in tune with our own age group either. Even if money wasn’t an issue, it’s still the practicality of working out which holidays you can and can’t enjoy, which bars you can go to, which friends you can see. But our values don’t necessarily lie in that sort of comfort; we don’t want to do international holidays and we don’t really enjoy going out clubbing anymore. It’s almost like our world has shrunk around Lydia.

Joe’s friends were very excited for him, living vicariously through a birth which they couldn’t quite conceive going through themselves at this stage. Their reaction was: “That’s exciting for you but I don’t feel like I’m ready for that yet.” In lots of ways, we understood that sentiment. My mum was in disbelief at first – but was very excited to become a grandmother, though dad thought it was what we always wanted. Joe’s parents were quite shocked but they already have three grandchildren so they knew what they were dealing with.

Overall, starting a family young was the best decision we ever made. I think if I were in my late 30s, having a baby would be harder, especially when running around after a toddler. When you’re older, your career is more established so putting it on pause at that point is arguably harder. Taking time off now means that it doesn’t really affect my career.

I have always wanted to be a mother and because my mum was a stay-at-home mum I liked that and wanted that for myself. I would do that if it wasn’t so hard to live on one income. I don’t think getting pregnant has stopped my career in its tracks – I work at a data company so it’s just paused things for the time being. I don’t feel like taking time out is preventing me from progressing in the long run or that it affects my career chances because my job is very stable with room for progression. Childcare costs are a bit of a concern, but the free childcare hours coming into place will mean it makes more sense for me to go back to work rather than staying at home.

I wouldn’t change having a baby at 24 for anything. It’s an incredible privilege and I think Lydia is the cutest baby in the whole world. Being young parents means we have so much energy for looking after her as well. Obviously we are still tired, but I’m glad we’re doing it now – it’s the right time for us, and I just can’t wait to have more.

As told to Natasha Leake