Former Best Friends Are Sharing Why They Had To Break Things Off, And It's So Sadly Relatable
Sometimes ending a friendship is necessary, no matter how hard and painful it is. People of the BuzzFeed Community shared the moment they decided to end a friendship, and just from reading these stories, you can tell how painful but relatable these are. Here is what some people shared.
Note: Some of these responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
1."I should’ve ended it when she decided to move out of our place mid-lease and didn’t tell me she was even thinking of moving until she had already taken her name off AND gotten approved and signed on a new apartment with one of her other friends. However, it ended for good after she moved out of state the next year when I found out from a coworker (she and I had worked together) that she would talk shit about me behind my back at work and complained that I was seeing the same therapist as her (you know, the one she specifically asked to start seeing me in a bid to help me during one of the lowest points of my life)."
2."My best friend of 30 years response to me when I said my brother died was, 'You deleted me off Instagram.' Haven’t missed her since."
3."My best friend of 30+ years lied to my face about my sister-in-law dating two months after my brother died. She got caught and knew I was mad at her but never reached out. Finally, after getting extremely drunk and having a really hard time not only dealing with his death but also the betrayal from her and my sister-in-law, I called her and things blew up. My only regret is that I was yelling and cussing a lot, for that I blame the alcohol. Everything else that came out of my mouth, I meant wholeheartedly. The next day we texted a couple of times. I apologized for cussing at her so much but never apologized for lying. 30 years gone just like that."
4."I had a friend who kept telling me how she wished her husband would die. Being a widow myself, I told her to watch what she wished for. Sadly and unexpectedly, her husband did die at the age of 69. All of a sudden she wanted me to be her support. I refused because of the horrible things she said about her deceased husband."
"I was terribly upset with his passing and could not find it within me to be there for her. Also, she was physically and verbally abusive to me and others and I could not deal with her anymore. It is going on one year of me ending our friendship of 30 years. I did grieve, but I can’t act like a friend to her when she has crossed the line of caring about others and her family."
5."I had a best friend for years — we went through college, graduate school, and marriages together. I could not carry a pregnancy to term, so my husband and I adopted three amazing children. My friend's husband did not want kids and she decided to let it go, but she was so upset about it she could not spend time with my kids (she never told me that until the end). It was really hurtful but I knew she was in pain. Ultimately, she got divorced and started dating like crazy. One day after one date she met a guy with a teenage son and said maybe if they got serious she could have a child in her life. That was it for me. I had three beautiful children, I tried for years to have her be part of their lives. Once I realized only a man could offer that to her, that was that."
6."I had a friend who I knew for several years, and we were going to move into an apartment together. I’d been there for her through the breakup of her marriage and divorce, problems with her family, and several other major issues she’d had. I was suddenly sick and had surgery. It was discovered that I had a rare cancer and had to have chemo. She only came to visit me in the hospital once during my extended stay and brought a new boyfriend she’d met while I was ill. They acted like teenagers while there, he even showed me his underwear! We were all 30 years old."
"Throughout my year of illness, she never returned my calls or came to visit. Then suddenly a year later she showed up at my job, crying and saying she was unable to deal with my being sick so had stayed away. I was thoroughly done with her and flat out told her I could not call her a friend who was only there during good times for me and not the bad times. I walked off, leaving her standing there bawling loudly. I never looked back."
7."My God this hits home. I have ended three very long-term friendships in the past couple of years. It's amazing to me how people can spin their wheels for 20 years, and when you are in their orbit, you don't seem to notice it. I'm not certain if it is a new set of internal variables that make stuff like this intolerable, but I shut that sh*t down immediately. Blocked on social media on the phone everywhere. Don't really have any friends anymore or close ones like they were but this is a far better alternative than dealing with bullshit drama."
8."I lost two best friends within one year. The three of us were close, with friend one distancing herself after I met my boyfriend (now husband). She had always hated when I had something she didn't or when my life seemed better than hers, and when she tried to hit on my boyfriend at a party and he declined, she stopped talking to me. Until my mom got cancer, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and allowed her back into my life, but she constantly started complaining that I was a downer and I could never hang out because I was spending all my time in the hospital with my family. I realized she was just a fair weather friend, and just went full no contact. My life is better for it."
"Our other friend stayed close with me, and was a bridesmaid when I got married. One day we hung out and had a conversation about religion, which we often did, as we were both very spiritual and open to friendly debates. Things seemed fine, we parted that day as friends...I thought. I haven't heard from her since."
9."I lost my college best friend after we moved in together to her apartment. She kept stealing my food and denying it, things escalated after my unopened jar of Nutella went missing. Not proud of it, but I searched her room, after I didn't find it, I checked the big communal trash can, and there it was (I recognized our trash bag) opened, with one tiny spoonful missing, thrown out. I called her right away and confronted her."
"Then some of my money went missing -—mind you, her parents were wealthy, she didn't need the money, I was struggling to keep myself afloat, working part-time. She accused me of ruining her blouse after she hand-washed it in a washbasin, and it got a yellow stain on it, she said I used yellow fabric dye in it before (I didn't, wtf?). She started restricting what kitchen stuff (pots, pans, bowls, utensils!) I could use since everything was hers and she didn't want me ruining them. I noped out of there and our friendship as soon as I could."
10."Best friend since 5th grade, I found out on the birth of my third child she was in group chat talking sh*t about me and saying horrible things about my daughter in a GROUP CHAT. I wonder what she said about my other two. She denied it all although I had screenshots. I cut her off and never looked back — it’s been three years."
11."One of my ex-friends kept inviting my abusive ex to hang out with us, and told me to 'grow up and get over it' when I expressed that I was uncomfortable with it. Sorry, I don’t want to be bffs with the person who gave me PTSD, Megan."
"This story is the hardest because she’s married to my sibling, but she is legitimately one of the most self-centered and manipulative people I have ever known. She’s emotionally abusive towards my mother and my other siblings, and she doesn’t know how to consider viewpoints other than her own. The final straw was when she lost her temper and grabbed my (then) 5-year-old autistic child by the arm, shook him, demanded eye contact, and threatened him with corporal punishment, and then gaslit me when I tried to talk to her about it."
12."I had a girl I worked with for 15 years with whom I became very close. I was in her wedding, spent a lot of time together outside of work and talked almost every day. A few years ago, we both got new jobs for different companies at the same time. For the first few years, our friendship continued with us talking every day and keeping each other updated on our lives. For the past six months, I started hearing from her less and less, and when we did speak, it was usually me initiating the conversation."
"Then it started becoming where she wouldn’t respond to my texts and when she did respond, she would stop talking in the middle of the conversation and we wouldn’t speak again for a few weeks. She always wishes me happy birthday, and this year, she 'forgot' and said something a few days later about how she had forgotten what day it was and a late happy birthday. The final straw was when I texted her, and once again, she didn’t respond, and a month later, I finally heard from her asking me if was I still alive."
13."I settled a personal injury lawsuit stemming from a car accident that has left me with lifelong issues. A month later, she tried to manipulate me into lending her money. I told her no and haven't talked to her since."
14."My best friend emotionally iced me out for two months after I had visited her, even though I had just shared with her a personal trauma. I spent those two months confused about why she was icing me out as I was dealing with disgust related to the trauma, Covid, and then double pneumonia. All my other friends were so confused and infuriated on why my main support was so absent."
"Once she reappeared, she told me it was because of a joke I said at dinner with her bf that she didn’t like. I didn’t even remember the joke at all, and she apparently couldn’t/wouldn’t communicate about it for two months? And had to totally change her behavior and not talk to me while I have to deal wondering why my bff is not talking to me after disclosing my trauma and I was sick in bed with breathing support? I ended the friendship. It was so hard because she was my main support for so long and I treasured her. I was relieved when it ended because I could stop having to read between the lines and focus on having actual direct communication with others."
Did you ever have an experience ending a friendship? If so, share your story with me in the comments below.
