I had a threesome with my best friend and her husband, but it ended their marriage
Alison Spall* is 56, married and has two grown-up children. She lives near Bristol and owns several properties. Here she explains how the thrilling threesome she had with her best friend and her friend's husband ended up ruining their marriage.
Though it was 25 years ago now, I still get a thrill thinking about the threesome I had with a close friend and her husband – even though it subsequently led to the end of their marriage.
At the time I was recently – but happily – separated from my first husband and I’d gone to a party at a local hotel with a whole group of friends to celebrate someone’s birthday.
Among the group was my friend Clare* and her husband Rich*, both of whom I’d known for the best part of 10 years. Clare and I did everything together – shopping, partying, comparing parenting notes (we each had a young child) and crying on each other’s shoulders during tough times.
There’d never been even the merest hint of flirtation between Rich and me, or Clare and I, our friendships were purely platonic. That said, he was certainly known as a bit of a lad with a wandering eye, while I've always been highly sexed and had become a girl about town post-divorce.
At the party I was enjoying flirting with a fitness instructor called Mike who was a bit younger than me and incredibly hot. One of my friends whispered in my ear, "There’s no way you’ll pull him!" She was teasing, but it fired up my determination to prove her wrong and get him into bed that night.
Her husband was certainly known as a bit of a lad with a wandering eye, while I've always been highly sexed.
An unexpected turn of events
At the end of the evening, we were still in a party mood and not ready to go home, so Rich and Clare invited Mike and I back to their house to carry on drinking.
By 2am, I was all partied out and desperate for sex so went upstairs to their spare room with Mike in tow. We’d just started enjoying a bit of foreplay when the door opened and in came Rich, leading Clare by the hand behind him.
Without saying a word, he climbed into bed and started touching my breasts and body. It may sound implausible, but you have to remember we’d had a lot to drink at this point. Although Rich’s advances took me completely by surprise, I won’t lie that it turned me on immediately. Mike, on the other hand, freaked out and left to go home.
I decided I wasn't going anywhere, I was staying put in the bedroom with Rich and Clare to immerse myself in whatever it was that was about to happen.
Without saying a word, he climbed into bed and started touching my breasts and body. I decided I wasn't going anywhere, but would immerse myself in whatever was about to happen.
She and I started kissing and touching each other, which did feel a little odd given that we were close friends, and before I knew it Rich and I were having sex too.
Never having had a threesome before, I absolutely loved it and was completely abandoned in the moment. Fuelled by alcohol and desire, I didn’t care what the repercussions might be once we all sobered up, although I do remember briefly thinking that it wouldn’t end well, before pushing the thought to the back of my mind.
Persuaded by her husband
It was obvious the way Rich had brought Clare into the room that it had been his idea, perhaps a sexual fantasy they’d chatted about in the throes of passion which suddenly presented itself as an opportunity to be fulfilled. She was in awe of her husband and also quite insecure so she probably decided to go along with it rather than risk upsetting him.
Clare was the first woman I’d ever slept with and the whole threesome experience was erotic, exhilarating and went on for hours.
There hadn’t been a single precursor to our threesome – no suggestive comments, no flirting, no holding each other’s gaze for a second too long. Ordinarily, I’d never have flirted with a friend’s husband or boyfriend, and my only aim that particular evening had been to have sex with Mike.
Clare was the first woman I’d ever slept with and the whole threesome experience was erotic, exhilarating and went on for hours. I left their house at dawn in a taxi, having begun to sober up and realised that I absolutely could not fall asleep and wake up to whatever consequences there might be.
The aftermath
Later that morning, Clare turned up at my house unannounced and when I saw her car pull up I was in such a panic, assuming she’d come to confront me about having sex with her husband.
Without waiting for her to speak, when I opened the front door I said, "I’m really sorry, I’m so ashamed, I’d never have got involved in a threesome if I hadn’t been drunk."
But Clare blamed him entirely and didn’t direct any of her anger at me, saying: "I can’t believe he’s done this to me after all these years!"
Without waiting for her to speak, I said, 'I’m really sorry, I’m so ashamed, I’d never have got involved in a threesome if I hadn’t been drunk.'
Still, perhaps she and I shouldn’t have been so surprised by our experience. After all, studies have shown that having a threesome is one of the most popular sexual fantasies. Although most couples don’t take act on the idea, a 2020 study published in Psychology Today concluded that 10 per cent of people with an average age of 21 had experienced one, compared to 34 per cent of those with an average of 31 – ironically, the age I was when I slept with Clare and Rich.
The theory is that our need for sexual novelty and adventure increases with age when we’ve been sexually active for longer, whereas sex itself is the novelty for those in their twenties. This makes total sense to me.
Lingering guilt
A week after my own threesome, I bumped into Rich when we were all out in a local pub one evening. We completely avoided speaking to one another although we did exchange a few glances and the way he looked at me told me he’d have repeated the experience. Even though it was right up there with the best sex I’ve ever had, I felt so guilty about Clare and her marriage that I’d never have gone near him again.
Incredibly my friendship with her continued, although the threesome was definitely the elephant in the room. She never got over it and within a year they’d separated.
When I met my second husband two years later, Clare disapproved of him, perhaps seeing elements of Rich in his gregarious, sexually confident personality, and we lost touch for a decade. We eventually reconnected through Facebook and ended up meeting for drinks one night. We had a lovely time but it was very much a case of 'don’t mention the war' in terms of the threesome.
I’ve always had a high libido and been sexually adventurous but threesomes have to come with rules, not least that everyone is complicit and nobody’s being coerced into it like Clare was. That sort of sexual lifestyle can bring hurt and jealousy, and inevitably it alters the dynamic if you sleep with people who are friends, especially when you've all had too much to drink and may not have made the same choices when sober.
