How to talk to kids about loss as Jeff and Freddy Brazier reflect on Jade Goody's death
Jeff Brazier left viewers of Celebrity Race Across The World feeling emotional after he spoke candidly about how he navigated grief while bringing up his young sons following the death of his former partner and their mother, Jade Goody.
The Shipwrecked TV presenter is currently taking part in Celebrity Race Across The World with his youngest son Freddy. He also has an older son, Bobby, and shared both with Big Brother star Goody.
Goody died from cervical cancer in 2009 when Bobby was five and Freddy was four. In the most recent episode of the BBC show, Jeff reflected on how he "doubled down on putting all of my time, effort, attention, focus on my children" after they lost their mother.
"I needed to be there helping them navigate whatever the future was going to look like for them given their loss," he said. "I'm still playing that role.
"But the more Fred does for himself, I know that he can start to push on in life... I really hope this sends him home with a fresh belief in himself and what he can do and what he should try."
Freddy, 19, also opened up about losing his mum and reflected on the impact Goody's death had on his father.
"At the time I lost my mum, Dad had to push his feelings and all of that aside to be there for me and my brother. At times where I've pushed him away, he's pulled even harder to bring me back in.
"I have not been that close with him for a long time now. But I actually quite love being around him.
"I don't think I praise my dad enough or thank my dad enough for everything he's done for me. I should, he knows the love. But I don't tell him enough."
The loss of a parent or a loved one can be devastating at any age, but it can be particularly tough as a child. So, what’s the best way to speak to kids and teenagers about loss?
At what age do children become aware of grief and loss?
Bianca Neumann, head of bereavement at Sue Ryder, the national bereavement charity, tells Yahoo UK that children usually begin to grasp the concept of grief and loss around the age of two. However, this varies between individuals, and their understanding of it evolves as they get older.
"It's important to introduce them to the concept of loss in an age-appropriate manner, using simple, clear language that they can comprehend - this will vary depending on each child," Neumann says.
"If a child asks you questions, try to be honest but provide the appropriate level of detail for them."
How to speak to children about the loss of a loved one
If you are going through your own grieving process, it can be particularly difficult to help a child cope with a death of a loved one, but there are steps you can take to support them. Neumann adds that there is "no rulebook for how they will grieve, or how you can best support them".
"When discussing a bereavement with a child or a teenager, it's best to be honest yet sensitive - just as you would be with an adult," she advises.
"The key is to tell and show them that it's alright to feel and express emotions, and to support them to make sense of what's going on."
When it comes to the death of a parent, things can be "undoubtedly challenging".
"It's a conversation that requires compassion, empathy, and patience. The key is to ensure the child feels safe and supported, validating their feelings, and assuring them that it's okay to grieve and that there is no ‘right way to grieve’."
How will my child react to grief?
There are no set patterns when it comes to grief, as each individual grieves in their own way - including children.
However, there are some signs you can look out for to assess if your child is grieving, so that you can provide comfort and support wherever it's needed.
A spokesperson for mental health charity Living Well tells Yahoo UK: "A child might display increased emotional responses, needing and seeking comfort, asking about the person, curiosity about death.
"But equally the opposite, reduced emotional responses, withdrawing, not talking about the person, discomfort with anything relating to death."
Neumann adds: "It's crucial to understand that all reactions are normal and part of their grieving proess. However, it is important to recognise signs of potential depression or anxiety that will require further support.
"You should also let the child know that it's OK to play and have fun. Children often make sense of difficult events through play. Playing is therapeutic, as it gives children a break from grieving and a chance to express their feelings in their own way. It allows them to relieve anxiety and stress through movement."
Should I keep the loved one's memory alive for the kids?
It might be painful, but finding ways to keep the memory of a loved one alive can be important for both you and your children.
Doing so can help children "feel connected to the person they've lost and aid in their grieving process both in the short and long term", Neumann explains.
"Rituals and ways of remembering can be important for children. This might be creating a memory box, regularly looking at photographs or having special ways or places where you remember and talk about the person you have lost. These special times can become part of your family routine."
Read more about parenting:
How to talk to children about upsetting news amid Southport tragedy (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)
Feeding your child peanuts from a young age can help reduce allergies later, new study claims (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)
How to get your children off their phones at the dinner table (Yahoo Life UK, 6-min read)
