Why Gen Z is nearly twice as likely to have frequent fantasies about monogamy
Circe, 26, is looking for a monogamous relationship, in contrast to David, 72
It seems Gen Z has more traditional relationship values than we thought. They are almost twice as likely to have frequent fantasies about monogamy than older generations, a new report reveals.
In fact, among Gen Z, monogamy is the single most preferred relationship style (23%).
Meanwhile, for millennials and Gen X, it's ethical non-monogamy (24% and 27% respectively) – where partners may have multiple romantic or sexual relationships with each other's knowledge and consent – and for Boomers it's friends with benefits (27%).
The research by Kinsey Institute's Dr. Justin Lehmiller, and dating app Feeld, spanned 3,310 diverse members across 71 countries, including the UK.
"This is interesting in light of a flood of popular media reports characterising Gen Z as the generation of polyamory and non-traditional relationships," the report's analysis muses.
"While it is certainly true that today’s young adults seem more open than ever to deviating from monogamy compared to generations that came before, they are hardly a monolith. Surprisingly, monogamy retains a distinct appeal to many Gen Zers."
Looking at another Kinsey Institute research sample of 4,175 American adults 18-88, Dr. Lehmiller asked about different relationship structures, with findings "aligning with what we're seeing among Feeld members".
Gen Z is the most likely to say they have fantasised about monogamy (81%) and to say they do this often (44%). This makes them twice as likely to say they have frequent fantasies about monogamy than older generations surveyed.
Why is Gen Z leaning more towards monogamy?
Research suggests older adults have "simply had more practice with monogamy, and some may have found it is not for them, or they may have just found that after a long period of monogamy, they have a craving for sexual novelty and newness."
Meanwhile, Gen Z are having less sex, fewer partners and fewer relationships.
"In light of the fact that so many Gen Z adults are single and not sexually active, coupled with the fact many of them have yet to have a serious or committed relationship with one person, let alone several at the same time, it becomes easy to see how monogamy might hold a distinct appeal for many younger adults," the report adds.
"At the same time, a current trend among Gen Z is the romanticisation of traditional relationships and roles. There is a certain appeal to 'how things used to be' in the sense that they just seemed simpler. As dating has moved into the digital world, it has only become more complex.
"We have more options and opportunities to connect than ever before, which is a positive development. But, people are still figuring out the rules of engagement and many struggle with the inherent ambiguities that arise when conversing and interacting in a virtual context.
"Traditional courtship practices necessitated clear intentions and grand gestures that made it clear where things stood, so it’s no surprise they’re gaining appeal in a time that feels more uncertain and unclear than ever."
But while many Gen Zers might be reverting to more traditional relationship values, they still "hold the most expansive views on sexuality and gender [also showing the most fluidity], while being the kinkiest generation yet".
Circe, 26, is looking for a monogamous relationship
Circe (she/they), a heteroflexible trans woman, joined Feeld after growing disillusioned with other dating apps and hearing it was more 'alternative' and interesting.
And with her finding dating as a trans woman (mainly) attracted to men "very isolating at times", it felt more open-minded.
Speaking with Yahoo UK, she said: "It also happened at a time where I had been transitioning for a couple of years and wanted to explore my sexuality more, especially in the context of kink, which is something I always found intriguing.
"It was definitely a fun and enriching experience for me. We tried a lot of things that were very new to me, but I ended up realising I actually am a lot kinkier than I thought. However, as is (apparently) common with intense D/S dynamics, I developed very deep feelings for my Dom, which sadly weren't reciprocated...We realised that while he was happy keeping things casual and open, I actually wanted a more serious monogamous relationship, and we had to break up," they explain.
"And while part of me is still heartbroken by how things ended, I learned a lot from that relationship, especially when it comes to my desires. Right now, I'm no longer interested in 'casual, no strings attached' sex or exploring poly connections any more, but rather looking for a new D/S dynamic in a monogamous setting."
I'm no longer interested in 'casual, no strings attached' sex or exploring poly connections, but rather looking for a new Dom-Sub dynamic in a monogamous setting.
Circe was also surprised by the report's findings, thinking it seemed like more and more young people were exploring ENM/polyamory, especially in kink communities. Could this help to explain why young people might be fantasising about monogamy?
"I totally relate to other people my age craving monogamy in response to what feels like an increasingly 'alienating' dating culture in a way," she says.
"I have many polyamorous friends who have told me their interest in non-monogamy was at least partially developed in response to dealing with very similar frustrations I encounter with online dating in such a big city! They, too, found it increasingly difficult to find and grow deep connections that are sexually and emotionally fulfilling, so they turned to polyamory as a solution to this.
"That said, as a monogamous person, I couldn't say if this is a universal experience among poly people, or something just my friends experienced [with ethical non-monogamy of course a genuine preference for many]."
David, 72, prefers ethical non-monogamy
Feeld member David (he/him), who is bicurious/heteroflexible, has two occasional female partners, both some distance away.
David told Yahoo: "One is hoping to become more regular when her domestic situation changes in the near future. The other, I see either on her own or with her partner in an MMF threesome. I also have an occasional male play partner." He once previously had three or four regular partners at the same time.
"Most poly people I know socially are much younger than me. But poly does appeal to older people – perhaps widowed or divorced, with their own home and their own life, who don't want anyone moving in with them but still want intimacy; it works well for us."
Poly does appeal to older people – perhaps widowed or divorced, with their own home and their own life, who don't want anyone moving in with them but still want intimacy; it works well for us.
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