I gave up alcohol for 12 years – here's how to socialise sober
Have you quit drinking for Dry January? Feel like you have to clear the diary and stay in? Not so, says journalist Emma Elms, who didn't drink for 12 years and is now happy socialising sober on nights out. Here, she shares her top tips...
Two years ago, I got so drunk on Aperol Spritzes at a bbq that when I came home, I crawled around my teenage daughter’s bedroom floor, giggling uncontrollably. To my shame, her 14-year-old boyfriend was there too. So far, so embarrassing. A mad dash to the bathroom followed, where I vomited so violently it was like the head-spinning possession scene from The Exorcist.
I've barely touched alcohol since. Now, I only drink once or twice a year. I love champagne, bellinis and piña coladas but the reality is I’m a lightweight. After just one glass, I’m tipsy and after three or more glasses, I'm gone and the hangover is so bad, it lasts for 24 hours.
I first stopped drinking at 31, when I was trying for a baby. Three daughters later, by the age of 43, I’d spent 12 years not touching a drop. During that time, I was either pregnant, breastfeeding or chasing energetic toddlers around. None of which go well with a hangover.
The last time I drank, I had several glasses of 0.05% fizz in a pub – and the whole of the next day I felt sick. My grandma was the same, being struck by migraines whenever she drank alcohol, so maybe we have a genetic intolerance.
But despite being sober, I love parties and meeting new people, and I've never let not drinking hold me back. So, here's my advice on how to get through Dry January – and beyond – without ruining your social life.
1. Never mention being sober
The quickest way to kill the party mood? Extoll the benefits of not drinking and watch your friends' eyes glaze over. I soon learned that talking about being sober is never a juicy topic of conversation. I met up with an old colleague at a wine-fuelled book launch a couple of years ago. While she chatted animatedly, clutching her third glass of wine, for some reason I found myself sharing my joy at leading a hangover-free lifestyle. She couldn't get away from me fast enough. Preachy? Tick. Judgemental. Yay! Even I would have hated me that night.
2. Avoid the dance floor
I like to think I'm a good dancer (though my daughters may beg to differ) but without alcohol, even my most trusted moves (the ones that worked in my glory days) look stiff and awkward. Even my famous 'lasso move' is impossible to do when sober.
The last time I let loose on the dance floor, to my delight, a school mum rushed over enthusing, "You're an AMAZING dancer!" I'm 100% sure that would never happen with no alcohol to improve my moves.
3. Run away from AA advocates
Much as I love my friends, hearing their tales of AA is not my idea of fun – especially on a night out. Just because I'm sober doesn't mean I want to know the ins and outs of your meetings and how it changed your life.
Even worse, was the ex-boyfriend-turned-drug-addict, who'd joined Narcotics Anonymous (NA) and on bumping into me, 25 years after our short fling ended, began to apologise profusely for all his supposed wrongdoings. I listened, while he listed his failings, but frankly, it was 25 years ago and the so-called bad behaviour – neglecting me on a night out while off his face – had barely registered. Please. Stop. Saying. Sorry.
4. Drink from a wine glass (to avoid pregnancy rumours)
Maybe it's the cranberry juice or maybe it's my little pot belly, but I've been asked not once – but three times – if I'm expecting Number Four. Are you crazy? Now I always ask the barman to serve my drink in a wine glass to stave off the raised eyebrows.
5. Swap pubs for other places
If you're too shy or just can't be bothered to socialise sober, then instead of a bar, go for dinner, to the theatre or a cabaret night, where the focus of the evening isn't on drinking. Hell, if you're really dull without a drink, go to the cinema. No conversation required.
6. Make a speedy exit
The first few hours of a booze-free party are fine, it's when you hit midnight that the drunk vs sober divide kicks in. At a 50th party recently, after realising everyone there was stuck on repeat, fuelled by free Prosecco, I was forced to make a swift exit.
Them (men I wanted to avoid from my youth, slurring enthusiastically): "God, it's been over 30 years!" (Me and my inner bitch: 'Yes, there's a reason it's been that long.') Them: "Wow, you haven't changed a bit!" (Me, knowing their beer goggles were enhancing my appearance: 'Thanks.... and, by contrast... you have lost all your hair but gained a sizeable beer belly.')
Soon after, I sped off, my face aching from smiling politely. At least that's one bonus – with no alcohol to loosen my inhibitions, not one of my rude replies was ever voiced.
Read more on being sober:
Doing Dry January transformed my life and mental health (Yahoo Life UK, 8-min read)
I drank beer for breakfast and wine while working until I confronted my alcoholism (Yahoo Life UK, 6-min read)
Harm caused by alcohol costs £27.4bn a year in England – figures (PA Media, 3-min read)
