Five benefits (and downsides) of age-gap relationships

Emma Clarke
·Contributor
·5-min read
Age-gap relationships have become more prominent in pop culture of late. (SXSW/A24/Universal Pictures)
Age-gap relationships have become more prominent in pop culture of late. (SXSW/A24/Universal Pictures)

When you think of age-gap relationships your mind no doubt goes to the likes of Leonardo DiCaprio and the Clooneys – or maybe even Mick Jagger and Harrison Ford. But, in recent years, there's also been an uptick in the number of older women embarking on these types of partnerships.

Most notably, director Sam Taylor-Johnson and actor and husband Aaron Taylor-Johnson have a 23-year age difference; Kris Jenner and her beau Corey Gamble also have a 25-year age-gap; and Holland Taylor is 32 years partner Sarah Paulson's senior.

Perhaps as a result, then, pop culture has also begun to focus on the age-gap dynamic, with a steady rise in TV and cinema depictions over the past five years – specifically involving older women and younger men.

Most recently, the fourth Bridget Jones movie, Mad About the Boy, explores the titular character’s journey as she navigates grief, parenthood and dating following the loss of her partner Mr Darcy. After downloading Tinder, she begins dating younger man Roxster, before he inevitably ends up ghosting her.

A few months prior to that, Nicole Kidman and Harris Dickinson starred opposite one another in erotic thriller Babygirl, which similarly depicted an age-gap relationship, only this time in the workplace. The movie covers themes of love, sex and power dynamics, as the pair get swept up in an illicit affair.

Before then, Kidman also featured in Netflix movie A Family Affair, which saw her character embark on a lovers’ tryst with Zac Efron’s younger character (clearly it’s a genre that is working for her). And we've seen countless other depictions of the so-called "toy boy" trope – from The Idea of You and Emily in Paris to Good Luck to You, Leo Grande.

So, what is the allure? And is there really merit in being an age-gap couple? Here are the benefits (and downsides) of age-gap relationships, according to an expert.

Renée Zellweger's character Bridget Jones starts a new romance with younger man Roxster (played by Leo Woodall) in Mad About the Boy. (Universal Pictures)
Renée Zellweger's character Bridget Jones starts a new romance with younger man Roxster (played by Leo Woodall) in Mad About the Boy. (Universal Pictures)

BACP-registered counsellor and relationship coach, Georgina Sturmer, says one of the key benefits of an age-gap relationship is the confidence it can inspire and help us feel invigorated.

She explains: "For some of us, dating a younger person might help us to keep in touch with elements of our youth that we are not ready to say goodbye to. It might inspire us to keep our bodies healthy and moving and youthful, or to keep ourselves active and adventurous in our spare time."

Sturmer also says that, while differences in relationships can be tricky to navigate, they can also offer us an opportunity to learn from each other.

She says: "Age-gap relationships can help us gain insight into other people’s worlds. So if we were born in a different time or generation, then dating someone from a different age group offers us a window into a whole different cultural context."

Sylvie also embarks on an age-gap relationship in Emily in Paris. (Netflix)
Sylvie also embarks on an age-gap relationship in Emily in Paris. (Netflix)

On the flip-side to the above, an age-gap relationship can also leave you feeling out of touch – even if it’s not as a direct consequence of the person you are dating.

"Relationships don’t generally exist in a vacuum," Sturmer comments. "Dating usually involves building a relationship with our partner’s friends, and if they are all significantly younger than us, then this might leave us feeling like an outsider within the group."

Sturmer also says there’s perhaps more potential to feel the weight of other people’s opinions when in a relationship of this nature.

"In a society that expects us to date someone of a similar age, this can mean that an age-gap relationship might potentially open ourselves up for criticism," she explains. "And whether or not this criticism emerges, we might feel fearful or embarrassed about this potential."

Arguably the most important point is differing priorities. Although there’s more open-mindedness when it comes to things like children and marriage these days, and not everyone wants the same, conventional setup, it’s still important that you make sure you are on the same page before you embark on a relationship – regardless of how old you both are.

But when there is a significant age gap, it can be all the more important to discuss these things. As Sturmer explains: "If we are in an age-gap relationship, then there might be an additional gap, where it comes to life choices and plans for the future."

While the older person might have already had children or experienced marriage, the younger person might not have. It’s important to ask whether you will both be happy if those things aren’t part of your combined future.

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