Exclusive: Millie Mackintosh on saving her marriage to Hugo Taylor: 'The only answer was to stop drinking'
As a regular fixture on Bafta Award-winning reality show Made in Chelsea, Millie Mackintosh was once party-girl-in-chief.
A descendant of the Mackintosh family who invented Quality Street, she was known for gallivanting around West London while a camera crew followed closely, capturing every moment of high drama for the TV screen.
After Millie left the show in 2013, she seamlessly made the transition from privileged 20-something to glamorous social influencer, showcasing a picture-perfect lifestyle to her million Instagram followers.
In 2020, she and her husband, Made in Chelsea alumnus Hugo Taylor, welcomed their first daughter, Sienna, followed by Aurelia in 2021. Life looked good.
Yet this shiny exterior camouflaged a complex, tumultuous relationship with alcohol that Millie, now 35, has bravely shared in her new book Bad Drunk, co-written with NHS GP Dr Ellie Cannon.
It was born of her decision to stop drinking for good in the summer of 2022, after her drinking habits almost cost Millie her marriage, as she explains.
"I look back now and see the harm I was causing not only myself, but also my relationship," she tells Hello! in an exclusive interview about her decision to go sober almost three years ago.
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"Unless I stopped drinking, the arguments would not have stopped. The only answer was to stop drinking."
Time for change
With her marriage hanging by a thread, a hangover-fuelled panic attack at the end of a boozy holiday in summer 2022 proved the catalyst for change.
"I said to myself: 'Enough is enough,'" she recalls. "I felt something click into place and thought: 'This is no longer serving me and I’m sick of the way it's making me feel.'"
"I look back now and see the harm I was causing not only myself, but also my relationship."
Millie's decision helped her put herself first, but her marriage was also badly in need of repair. "Once I stopped, we had to really work on our relationship in therapy.
"I had to own my responsibilities and own the damage I'd caused," she says.
The former reality star didn't class herself as an alcoholic but came to the realisation that her "alcohol misuse" – in the form of bingeing – was the real problem.
"Once I've had one drink, all bets are off, so the only way to ensure alcohol no longer controls me is by removing it completely from my life. I can't have one; I need to have none," she says.
The deep-rooted issues influencing Millie's drinking habits, including the sexual assault she experienced as a teenager, were difficult to share, but she says they were essential in telling her story.
"I want to talk about the taboos and normalise these conversations. It's linked to when I started drinking heavily and it's been interesting to look back at what caused me to drink in a destructive way," she says.
Millie with her new book, Bad Drunk
"I carried shame for a long time, until my early 30s. Finally letting that go has been freeing. This is my truth, and I've put it out into the world with the intention of helping others who felt how I did."
Now, with two happy girls under four and a marriage back on track, Millie is reaping all the benefits of her sober lifestyle.
"There's just no drama," she says with a smile.
Being more present for Sienna and Aurelia was a driving force behind the star’s decision to go sober. And both Millie and Ellie caution against the accepted idea that mothers should reward themselves with alcohol after a hard day of parenting.
"Mums need more support in general," Millie says. "Reaching for a drink can feel like an act of self-care – the juggle is real. But drinking feeds into the cycle of anxiety, lack of sleep, guilt, at a time when you're already feeling vulnerable."
"I carried shame for a long time. Finally letting that go has been freeing."
Sharing her story
And Ellie, who joins our interview, says that the subject of labels is complex. "The label 'alcoholic' can be stigmatising for some, but others may find it helpful in finding their community and accessing help.
"We need to be cautious because it’s different for different people," she says.
"Millie is always keen to point out that this is her story and others might look different. But that first step is acknowledging: 'I have a problem, and I need to do something about it.'"
Now Millie has found other ways to help de-stress. "Running is a good release for me; I listen to music and immerse myself in nature," she says.
"I also love breathwork for anxiety, yoga and journaling. It sounds woo-woo, but there are ways to alter your mental state that you can do anywhere."
Another method is avoiding those who drink heavily. "Hugo still drinks, but in a very different way to me. I never expected him to stop because his drinking wasn't an issue.
"But if I'm around drunk people at a wedding or party, I leave," she says. "It's about being aware of where you might get caught out."
Thankfully, her journey to sobriety has paid off. "I knew I wanted to dig deep and be very honest – I've grown a lot, and it's been very healing."
To read the full exclusive interview, pick up the latest issue of HELLO! on sale in the UK on Monday. You can subscribe to HELLO! to get the magazine delivered free to your door every week or purchase the digital edition online via our Apple or Google apps.
