Every year, 21 members of my family go on a big vacation. It takes a lot of planning, but it's worth it.
My family takes a big multigenerational vacation every summer.
There are 21 of us, and it takes a lot of planning, but it's worth it.
I recommend planning some activities for the group but also setting aside time for nuclear families.
Every summer during the week of the fourth of July, we take an incredible, multigenerational family vacation. It's unanimously considered the best week of the year.
In the old days, our crew of four would squish into my mom's lake house in New Hampshire. But that's a thing of the past — our family manifest now tops out at 21, including my mom, her husband, her three biological and one bonus kid, our spouses, and 11 opinionated, rambunctious cousins, ranging in age from 6 to 18. We have long outgrown the beds and couches at my mom's house and now look forward to taking our party on the road.
Our destinations vary — last summer, we took the crew to the Azores in Portugal — and it wasn't always easy to figure out the logistics of it all. We love each other immensely but are all very different, not-shy humans, and we needed to learn how to plan and vacation together in a way that made everyone want to do it all over again the next year.
Create a group chat with decision-makers only
The first step was creating a group chat with the decision-makers only. This is where all plans get inked. No offense to the kids or anyone else, but it's important to filter out the noise and distraction so you can get down to planning business. In some groups, this means deputizing one representative per family to speak for all. I suggest calling it something fun, so no one ignores it.
Align on budget before anything else
We all have different ideal vacation budgets, which may or may not align with how much money we each make. (Some of us have college bills these days!) Make sure everyone understands the budget assumptions when they give their number (does it include airfare? meals? activities?) and is super comfortable with what they'll be spending on the trip.
Always go with the lowest number and make it work — nothing ruins vibes faster than someone feeling pressure to stretch financially.
Figure out everyone's must-haves
An important question: What does everyone need to have the best trip ever? There should be no judgment, just honesty. If your sis-in-law can't really relax unless there's a hot tub wherever you stay, it's best to know that up front.
Some musts to consider: the length of the flight, ensuite bathrooms for couples, individual beds for every kid (or not), beach access, a private place to escape (introverts, you feel me?), kids club, babysitters on-call, etc. Flexibility is important, and though you may not be able to fit in everyone's wants, at least trying to fit in everyone's absolute must-haves to the best of your ability is important.
Plan some group activities, but allow for nuclear family alone time
Organizing your trip by putting a few things on an itinerary is a good idea. You know your crew best, but one thing a day usually works perfectly for us. Outings can be anything from a full-day excursion to a special dinner plan.
However, some of the best parts of our extended family vacations were honestly when we peeled off and did our own thing. We have the oldest kids in the bunch, and last summer they really wanted to go surfing — so we rented a car, found a secluded beach, and had the best morning ever.
It's also great to make time for adults-only activities. Vacation is for grown-ups, too, so make sure you and your siblings, cousins, and in-laws get to spend some quality adult time together at some point during the week.
Be honest about any feelings that arise
Feeling slighted? Not heard? It happens. Vacation is short (and expensive): Bring up whatever you're feeling in a loving way. We had a couple of these conversations over drinks by the pool when everyone was relaxed, happy, and open to compromise. You'll feel so much better getting it off your chest so you can get back to the fun stuff.
Take stock after the trip
When you get home — or even while you're still on the trip — take some time to reflect on what you experienced with your crew. What did you love about this year's getaway? What would you have done differently? Plug all that intel into next summer's adventure.
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