Emigrating seems like the dream. Why expats say living abroad is harder than it looks.

Like a lot of other countries, Ireland offers citizenship through descent, which means you can apply if you have a parent or grandparent who was born there. It took me several months to collect the three generations’ worth of documents proving I’d grown up with a Wexford-born grandpa, and another full year for my application to be approved. I quit my job, lined up some freelance writing gigs and moved to London at the tail end of 2008. (Irish citizens are entitled to reside in the U.K.)

I’d probably still be there, had I not had a child and realized the difficulties of living an ocean away from family. After more than a decade abroad, I moved back to the United States in 2019. There’s so much I still miss about expat life — Sunday roasts, free museums and having other people to discuss the Gavin & Stacey Christmas special with, for starters — but there’s a lot of stuff I don’t too. As someone allergic to administrative work, filing tax returns in two countries each year filled me with dread. Going back to the U.S. was both expensive and bound by time restrictions, which meant missing holiday gatherings, good friends’ weddings and, worst of all, both of my grandmothers’ funerals. And, yep, the rumors are true: England is very, very rainy.

Those challenges, however, may not deter the increasing number of Americans who are reportedly exploring an international move due to a new administration, though politics certainly isn’t the only thing sending people overseas. Some go for work; others to feel like they’re on a perpetual vacation. In my case, it was professional burnout and a yearning for adventure. And for Chrissy Gruninger, it was ... severe allergies.

‘Bad days can happen anywhere’

In 2012, Gruninger, a California native, moved to Costa Rica for her health. “After years of daily suffering, an immunologist finally diagnosed me with an allergic reaction to cold, dry environments,” Gruninger tells Yahoo Life. “With that information, I decided to take the leap and move to Costa Rica.”

Gruninger applied for residency as soon as she moved with 10 bags and her 17-year-old cat, Harmony, in tow. It took about six years for the application to actually go through; it’s “one of the lessons the experience of living abroad has taught me,” she says. “Patience and perseverance are an essential part of the mindset you need to adopt when living abroad.”

Gruninger, author of Moving to Costa Rica Simplified, is now a relocation counselor and expat expert who helps others navigate the process of setting up a home in a new country. And while there are things she misses about California — namely, redwood forests and Trader Joe’s — she’s only been back to the U.S. once, and just for 36 hours, in the 12-plus years since her move. “I needed to renew my driver’s license,” she explains. “Costa Rica is home for me now.”

But that’s not to say that life there is always easy. “Bad days can happen anywhere,” Gruninger notes. A lot of people see expat life through “rose-colored glasses,” she adds, and think that moving is a way to “leave their problems behind” without fully understanding the challenges ahead (like language barriers, loneliness and not having all the comforts of home at your fingertips). She also discourages wannabe expats who say they want to “live like a local.”

“While the intention is good, it stereotypes everyone in that country and doesn’t reflect the true diversity of experiences,” Gruninger says. “It’s also important to be mindful that not everyone in their new country may welcome their presence. If they’re unaware of the problems facing locals, their arrival could end up doing more harm than good. I strongly recommend doing a deep dive to understand the challenges in the country, learning how to minimize one’s impact as a foreigner and adapting and assimilating as much as possible.”

‘It’s not always going to feel like vacation’

At 25, New Yorker Alicia Barnes found herself at a crossroads. “I was feeling burnt out from my [public relations] job in NYC and fed up with the dating scene,” she tells Yahoo Life. “And my love of movies told me London was where I could find a Prince Charming, get a fresh start and make my life feel more balanced.” When her apartment lease ended, she saw it as an opportunity to move across the pond.

While she knew that getting a visa to stay in the United Kingdom would be difficult, the process was still “harder than I anticipated,” Barnes says of applying to companies that offered sponsorship visas to qualified employees. “I talked to anyone and everyone to find a way to stay out here.”

By the time she did secure a visa, more administrative headaches emerged. “I was surprised by how difficult it was to set up a bank account,” Barnes says. “Only some banks were willing to allow me to set something up. I also eventually had difficulty getting a mortgage because I was not from the U.K. and again had limited bank choices.” Other pain points: the cost of renewing her visa. Filing tax returns. Having to keep track of how much time she spends outside the U.K. And while she’s no longer paying for health insurance, her income in London is less than what she made in New York.

There are cultural differences too. “I miss food and family and friends — the three F’s,” the marketing manager says. It’s easier to read Americans than Brits, she adds. “There are some expressions or mannerisms that people say or do that make me second-guess how I’m conducting myself. Like, people will talk about some pop sensation or old children’s game and I’m like, ‘What?’ Or the spelling of a word is slightly different so I need to make sure I know that for my day job. I’ve also struggled with the fact that most people have childhood or school friends and they don’t seem to be bothered in making any more. Trying to force someone out of their bubble to talk is hard.”

On the bright side: Barnes did meet her Prince Charming, and she and her British husband are parents to a 1-year-old daughter. Government programs have helped cover some child care costs, but not having her own family nearby is difficult. “I’m not sure if we’ll stay in the U.K. permanently,” Barnes, who wants her daughter to have more family time, says. “I end up doing a lot of FaceTime with my family to make sure she knows who everyone is.”

Looking back, she wishes she’d had more realistic expectations. “Life abroad can be magical, but it’s not always going to feel like vacation,” she says.

‘Bloom where you are planted’

Like Barnes, Kelly-Anne Lyons is raising her family abroad. Originally from New Jersey, Lyons moved to London a week after graduating from college after a U.K. modeling agency offered to sponsor her. Over the next decade or so, she got married, had her first daughter (No. 2 is due soon) and transitioned to some acting and television presenting work, which required applying for a different work visa. She became a dual U.S.-U.K. citizen in 2012.

About three and a half years ago, Lyons made yet another international move: Paris. Her husband’s work prompted the move to France, and Lyons now documents her adventures as a content creator known as American Mom in Paris.

Though she’s no stranger to expat life, Lyons says adjusting to a new country can be trickier the second time around. For starters: All the paperwork, and visa interviews, are of course in French. “The language is the biggest challenge,” she says.

When she first moved to London, Lyons “had to adjust to little things like measurements and temperature when cooking, as well as big things like navigating the Tube, a new health care system, taxes, etc.,” she says. “But I had my husband and his family and friends for advice, which was hugely helpful. It also makes a massive difference when things are in English. Moving to France has been a bit more challenging.”

After about 20 years abroad Lyons has learned to live without her family close by, but “there’s always an underlying guilt,” she says. “That feeling never goes away and gets worse when you have kids.” While she’s spoiled for choice in terms of croissants, she’s yet to find a bagel as good as the ones back home. And though Emily in Paris does a great job of capturing the glamour and magic of Lyons’s adopted city, it doesn’t mention, say, “packed rush-hour Metro rides.”

But there are a lot of positives too: new friends, the ease of traveling around Europe and a chance to experience life through a fresh cultural lens. It’s important to “bloom where you are planted,” she says. Expats who embrace their new surroundings and avoid comparisons to the way things are back home tend to be happier, in her experience.

Also key: remembering that you can always move.

“When my husband asked what I thought about moving to Paris, I said I would rather be on my deathbed laughing about the time we attempted a move to Paris and all the things that went wrong, versus being on my deathbed with regrets of not knowing what might have happened if we tried Paris,” Lyons shares. “Luckily, I’ll be on my deathbed saying moving to Paris was one of the best decisions we made!”