I didn't go on a date until I was 45 – here's what I learnt
Until I was 45, I'd never been on a proper date. I met my ex-husband when I was 18; we ended up as a couple after a snog at the Student Union. Nothing so formal as a pre-arranged rendezvous.
So it wasn't until I found myself single post-divorce that I contemplated such a thing. A year after my break-up, I decided I'd like to meet someone. That isn't unusual. Relationships researcher Helen Fisher says that searching out romantic love is part of the human condition. "It's a need and an urge, like hunger or thirst," Helen says.
For most of us, dating brings some trepidation – and I think the older you are, the more those worries increase. We bear the mental battle scars of past relationships and maybe fret about having a less than nubile body or too much baggage.
Perhaps you retired your flirting skills decades ago... But there is good news. The idea of dating over the age of 40 may once have been unpalatable, but it's now celebrated in TV shows such as new Netflix series Later Daters, which focuses entirely on "silver singles".
Also, dating apps are no longer shrouded in shame and secrecy but are accepted as a legitimate way of meeting someone. There is some building disillusionment here, though. As the apps get increasingly crowded and commercial, pushing in purchases and gamifying matchmaking, you need advice to navigate them.
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Here to help you find romantic connections are the experts from E4's reality series Celebs Go Dating: matchmaker and life coach Paul C Brunson and therapist Anna Williamson.
1. Preparing for a date
On how to prep for a date, Anna says: "Have a think about the location and dress appropriately. Assuming you're going to a bar or a restaurant, a good rule of thumb is to dress as you normally would if you were meeting a friend for a Friday night drink.
"Prepare a couple of interesting facts or anecdotes about yourself, so you're armed with a few conversation-starters."
2. What not to do
"Don't lie or exaggerate the truth in order to appear more appealing or to fit in with your date's ideals," says Anna. "Being your authentic self, whether they like you or not, is what is most important – the right person will love and appreciate you just as you are."
3. Maintaining confidence
"Take time to remind yourself of your best qualities," advises Paul. "Consider what makes you unique and valuable."
ADVICE: Navigating 'exhausting' midlife dating – from people who have been there
4. Don't over-invest
Don't over-invest emotionally in each match," implores Paul. "Stay light and curious, rather than hinging your self-esteem on another person's response."
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5. Shift your perspective
"Remember, rejection isn't personal. It's about compatibility, not your worth," encourages Paul. "Think of each 'no' as narrowing the field to someone truly aligned with you."
6. Tips for dating apps
"Including at least five photos on your profile is essential for maximising your success," recommends Paul. "Profiles with five photos receive significantly more matches than those with one to three."
On top of that, Paul says that taking the initiative with thoughtful, engaging messages shows genuine interest and increases your chances of connecting with someone special.
